March 21, 2012

You Can't Hurt Me Anymore! AAAAAAAAHHHHH! Tormented Child, Ruthless Man, The Day The Music Died.....

From Paul Behind the Wall by Paul J. Martinez (author's profile)




March 9, 2012

it took me a lot of years to get at the root of my personal demons...I searched all my life as to the reason why I went down the path I did and often wondered if my life would of been different if the boogey men would of past me by...It's amazing how your mind shuts out the truama, shuts out the hurt, the pain, the broken dreams, the musc that once played inside my head when I was a child and I hadn't found out about the wocked in the world....Did it set me on a p[ath of self destruction? Would I spend my life trying to prove myself worthy, showing the world that I deserve love that I am in control!? I was molested the first time as a five year old by a neighbor, the second time by a older boy from around the block. The third time by the barber where I used to go sweep up to earn some pocket money. The last time by a man I thought I could trust with anything and confide my horrors to. He was a Catholic Priest from St Elizabeth's. And I got paid to keep my silence, five and ten dollars at a time. I got so twisted bythese events that when ever I needed moeny I found myself seeking him out. I was 12 years old...I could never admit to anyone the reasons for my anger, the reasons for my lack of trust, the reasons why I had to feel in control of the situation, as a child I was helpless, I did not have the contol for the sick boogey men had that power over me. Never again! I promised myself as a kid, never again......over the next thirty-five (35) years, I would go through may phases of self loathing and self medicating to forget the past, in doing so I turned to criminal activiy because the meaner you were the more respect you received, the adulation you got from your peers. The girls loved a tough guy with money and ope in his pocket.... Is it any wonder I ended up here? Today I can talk about these things for I have come face to facewith the causes and effects of the damage done to me. I share these thngs because I know that I am not alone and that there are others out there who I want to know that its okay, your not alone. Do no allow it to destroy your life....My mission is to help....

I'm Paul Behind the Wall...........


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Deblegs Posted 10 years, 4 months ago. ✓ Mailed 10 years, 4 months ago   Favorite
Thanks for writing! I finished the transcription for your post.

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