6-3-12

I do not really know what I am going to talk about to anyone who might be interested in me. I don't know if I have anything really good to be entertaining. I am sure I have lived and done a lot of things most people would have never made it through. Somehow, I believe the childhood I had prepared me for the things that were to come.

I do believe that anyone's childhood is the beginning of a shell or a bubble we later find ourselves inside in life. Most of us never realize we live in such conditions until we are incarcerated. Then bam! After sitting in a real bubble, which here they call a cell. Smile! We find ourselves able to soul search and see things for what they truly are. So many people just don't know how close they are to really being here, maybe right next to me, in the cell. It is so very easy. Just one wrong thought placed into instant action and bam! You are locked up for life.

Of course, some people have normal ways of dealing with things. In my family, if you try to talk to anyone about the things that we went through growing up, they just stop answering the door or phone—whichever—then you find yourself stuck not only alone but with the problem still unresolved.

Of course, I am sure there are simpler solutions which other families may now know of, but that was not the way for my family. Heck, all my brothers. I have four brothers, and I am the middle child of five boys—all two years apart. They all drink to not feel anything. My folks are just like them. They live in a fantasy life believing that everything is okay and they are the greatest people in the world. Me, I am a screw up and I probably am lucky to still be alive. Which may be in other dates, I might tell some of them stories.

I have been stabbed, shot at, ran over, overdosed on drugs, been alcohol poisoned. I did not come to prison until I was 20 years old. My first time, so I was a late bloomer of sorts. I wasted no time in getting into the whole white deal inside the walls. It is one way or the other down here in Texas prison systems. I have been locked up almost four years this time on my current sentence. I have had a few things change my attitude.

I have thought long and hard about a few things. One, what can I do to never come back here, if I ever do get a chance to get out of here again. Two, what can I do to change me. Not just my lifestyle, which I am sure needs to be touched up. I mean, my whole attitude outlook and things of this nature. Do I want to be a better man, father, son, friend, inmate? All these things make me think on a daily basis. I have not been a pain in the butt inmate just going through the grid and flow of prison life. Of course, this is not hard. Just the same thing each and every day. Just don't panic, it will change.

Well, life in prison is the same way in Texas. Just give it five minutes, and they have a new rule or warden or something. Every day is a new wake up call full of things you have no control over. But there is a few things I do have control over, and those are the things I want to focus on. I don't want to go into the daily grid of things here.

Yeah, I can tell you. My day starts about 6 AM and ends about 9 PM. During that time, I go to rec yard, one hour shower. Wash my clothes. Ready if I have something. Write letters. We eat three times a day. The first time at 3 AM, last time 3 PM. I am in seg cell, so I don't get to leave my cell unless it is visit or rec time, medical, or something like that. Meal call is night time, Monday through Friday. Store, if you have funds, is once every two weeks. You are able to purchase 70 cents worth of store stuff, if possible. The only thing in my cell is a radio with headphones, which keeps me in the music scene, I guess. Sometimes I listen to the news, but it really doesn't apply to me any longer. But it can keep me up on current events for a debate.

I try to learn a thing every day if possible. Sometimes it is hard and sometimes I learn multiple things. I hope to learn how to type one day. I never did it much before. :) I just need to slow down.

Well, this is my first blog. I hope it finds someone who wants to respond. I just don't know what all to say is I am nervous. Anyway, have a great day.

W/R
Guy Graves