Dear BTB viewers,

My life has always been difficult ever since I came out of the womb. It feels like my life was always on the back-burner for the next life.

I grew up with no family. I was in and out of my foster home. The only person I had in and out of my life was my big brother, KB. I have been to over 18 foster homes, between the ages of 5-16. Yes, I was a problem child, or you can say I was just misunderstood. I know I'm made of many faults. But those faults I made don't define me as the man I have become. The lifestyle that I lived, most people hated and discriminated, but I did not choose that lifestyle. I was brought up to embrace that lifestyle. The tools I was given to survive.

People may say I was given the wrong teaching, but in my young eyes, growing up, it was good teaching. The tools I had to work with were valuable in my environment. I had no one to lean on. The streets was my family, so I had to adapt to the street life to survive. Robbing, stealing, and selling drugs were ways to get money, to eat and put a roof over my head.

The government was no help to me; if anything, they just knocked me right down. For instance, when I joined the swim team, I was supposed to go to Florida for a tournament. I was denied, so I stopped swimming. Same thing goes for a job. I gave up trying to do good 'cause it was not getting me nowhere. So I went back to doing what I know best, getting into trouble.

I felt like a normal kid when I was in the street. The government made me feel likes less of a person. I could not do anything like kids with family. I could not drive until I was 18. I cold not go out of town. It felt like I was in neutral, not going anywhere. The government somewhat drove me to hang out with the wrong crowd. I'm not going to blame the government for all of my problems, but they was a big reason for my problems.

I say about around 15 I got on track. I was going to school and getting good grades, staying out of trouble. Until an intruder came into my life. At the time, he didn't feel like an intruder. I'm speaking about my sperm donor of a father.

At first, it felt good meeting the family, but slowly, I started going backwards in life. No one was there to wake me up. When I did not need him, he was there pushing too hard for me to accept him, as if nothing ever happened between us. Or like he never abandoned me. He acted like I should trust him with my life. When I do need him the most though, he's nowhere to be found. I messed up by letting him back into my life. I was better off not knowing him. He tells me he's going to do something but never comes through. That's cool, 'cause I'm a survivor. I'm used to people not sticking to their words when it comes to me.

When I turned 16, that's when things really got of hand in my life. That's when I went to juvenile prison for burglary. I did a year with no support from my family. I got out with nothing to look forward to. I was on my own, with no money, no home, no clothes. On top of that, I lost contact with my brother. My dad's side of my family was no help. My dad had an apartment with his girlfriend. She was the same age as me, 18 years old. My dad had an extra room and did not let me stay there to let me get to my feet.

All I had to depend on was the streets. They did not give or deny me any money, so I robbed people. I did not want to, but I had no other choice that I saw.

Now, I'm behind these walls with time on my head. 18 in and 20 out. I did not shoot anybody or harm anybody. All I did was take some money. The judge gave me murder time. I deserve time, but not this type of time. I have been down here since 2005.

It's been hard doing this time alone, but I have learned a lot about myself. I have grown to be a better person during this time in prison. I'm glad, somewhat. I'm in prison, but I wish I wasn't here. I know that sounds crazy, but I have awakened to see life as a gift. At first, it felt like hell. I know now what my gifts are to survive out there in the world. It's not crime life. If I never came to prison, I would have never gotten my H.S.E.D., learn how to read, do math, write music, and read so many books.

I have come a long way. I can look back on my life and say I was a hard one then. I'm not going to let my faults dictate my future. What happened in my life is done. I'm moving on to improve the current me. I hope my past lifestyle does not dictate your thoughts in getting to know me.

Well, I said all I can say for today. I'm about to park my mind and pen until next time. Please stay tuned to my next blog post, it gets better. If you have any comments or questions, please feel free to express your thoughts. In the meanwhile, BTB viewers, be easy and take care.

Yours truly,
Silver Back LB