Aug. 18, 2012

The Worst Of Sinners

by Sarah Luedecke (author's profile)

Transcription

7/31/12

The Worst of Sinners

You know, it's crazy because I used to think I could atone for some of the bad I did, but a part of me knows that's impossible. There's parts of me that's human, still with emotions and feelings. But then there's the other part that's numb and cold. So cold it makes the coldest winters feel like the hottest summers. I try to motivate myself to do something by writing or accomplishing something, but it doesn't help matters. When I look in the mirror, I still see all my mistakes. I still see all my scars. Some are visible on the outside and some run so deep only I can see them. Only I can feel them.

I thought by doing what I've done—a life for a life—I could atone for my greatest mistake. But the guilt's still there. Even Paul found forgiveness in the eyes of God. But not me. The worst of all sinners can never be forgiven. "It's not like you killed..."

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paxilqueen Posted 11 years, 10 months ago. ✓ Mailed 11 years, 7 months ago   Favorite
Dear Sara, I also feel like I'm going to Hell sometimes. I use to have an obsession with studying near death experiences of people who went to heaven or hell. I attempted suicide one time and found myself in a dark void with an evil presence. I know that the only way to atone for my sins is through the blood of Jesus. But just like you, I have my doubts about God's forgiveness. I also have scars, physically from having cut and burnt myself when my mental illness was severe. And I also have emotional scars. I suffer from depression and have to take Paxil for it. I hope your life gets better. Take good care of yourself. Regardless of what you did, please take care of yourself. May God be your strength.
Sincerely
Melissa
Albany, Oregon

Sarah Luedecke Posted 11 years, 8 months ago.   Favorite
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