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Feb 22 - God's Gifts
Well, this morning coming across the compound to come get my insulin (which I was too late for), it smelled like fresh cut grass out there from yesterday. I just wanted to roll around on it. I felt like a golden retriever. I wonder if anyone would notice if I did roll around in it? Um... probably. I think maybe tomorrow around lunch I will go to outdoor rec and check out some of those pads that you sit on have me a little picnic. Maybe take a book with me and a light lunch and just sit in the sun and enjoy that day. That would be really nice. Even in here it is hard to just sit back and relax and enjoy what the Lord has given me...

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Feb 27 - Choices
"Liver or steak?"
What would you prefer? I have my choice today. Or actually I could get both if I choose, but that would be a bit much on the ole waistline, ya know? I love both of them are available to me (don't ask how) tonight. Quite the quandary. I reckon I'll figure it out in a little bit when I go to dinner.

These types of things are the things I have to think about each day. Gone are the days where I had to worry about if I had enough to make the rent or what will I wear to the movies with the girls tonight, or did I remember to clip those coupons for the Winn-Dixie. Yep... now it's "Liver or steak?"

I know prison is to be a punishment and all, but quite frankly the biggest issues is not being around my children. I like to think of the rest of this in my mind, kind of like a vacation if you will.

I have a seriously gated community (no towers or anything like that), 24 hour security, my own nutritionist, a personal trainer (for real), a workout gym with lots of nice equipment, newly released movies to watch every weekend, medical care, dental care, eye care, etc.—all for free. A room with a nice view, actually. A track with park benches and trees and squirrels. I can take classes on fitness, classes that are academic, psychology classes, family types of classes if I so choose (I was thinking of Basic Quantum Physics—but that is a different entity altogether). I have a bed with a nice thick mattress, a couple of blankets, two big feather pillows, and a great roommate. There is air conditioning and heating. The personnel are very nice, and MOST of them treat us with respect and only ask the same in return.

God has shown me favor beyond measure! More than I will ever deserve.

With all of this being said, and my biggest problem of the day is "Liver or steak?", why then am I so incredibly miserable?

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August 12, 2012 - Weight Loss

Okay. This is a very long time between entries, but hopefully it is not to be repeated. I had made me up a folder for this site and somehow placed it inside of my legal work and lost it up until now! Now I can write more often.

I have been doing well. I have lost a total of 50 pounds since I have been here. About 40 since the picture of me with the Dallas Cowboys background. I feel soo much better! I know that I still have a long way to go, but 50 pounds makes a heck of a difference—that's for sure.

I no longer have to take my insulin daily. I only have to take the fast acting if my sugar is high, and it rarely is. My congestive heart failure is under control. I am not incredibly swollen or full of fluids like I used to be (one week I put on 101 lbs in fluid, and I could literally feel my skin stretch! It was horrible!). I only have a tiny bit of psoriasis on one arm. My legs are clear! Woohoo! Plus, my lupus is okay. Arthritis not really bothering me, etc. It is great!

So, overall I am doing better than I have in the last two years or so!

My eating is under control, but I desperately need to exercise. My doctor has only cleared me to walk, and it is about 110 degrees outside. Does anyone have any suggestions? I take and use all diet tips also. My goal is to lose about 30 more pounds by the end of the year. That's 30 pounds in 20 weeks. I believe that's attainable, as long as I am trying. Right? ♥

I need to try to find a diet buddy. Someone who could give me encouragement. Please, whoever reads this, pray for me that that person will come along. I know if it is the Lord's will, it will happen. He has done dos much for me already! He has taken away the will for me to compulsively overeat. The emptiness that I used to feel inside and could never seem to get full has been filled by Him! No longer do I have that. God is so wonderful! ♥

The person I used to talk to was my mom. She was great. She was an inspiration for me and always believed in me. Funny how we appreciate people more once they are gone from our lives, huh? But that's okay. I know she is up in Heaven watching down on me and is still sort of with me.

And I pray that somehow through all of this, I am still able to make her proud. I miss her more with each passing day. But I can also look at it as one day closer to seeing her again. ♥♥♥

♥ ♥ ♥

[Print of a stylized red heart. A ribbon swirls atop it.]
[Cut out colored photo of author. She has a faint smile to the camera. Her hair is brown and somewhat curly. Her eyes are blue. Her skin is pale. She is wearing a light blue T-shirt that shows off her bare arms. Her posture suggests she's sitting with her hands joined over lap.]