Transcription
I recently finished my fourth step. It took me over seven months. In the 12-step community, our 4th step is when we take a searching & fearless moral inventory of ourselves. My inventory went beyond merely identifying my morals. What a depressing thing it is to recall & acknowledge all the horrible things I have done - to be brutally honest about my behaviors - with only the faith that doing so has been essential to the recovery of so many other addicts & alcoholics, & the hope that it will help me as well.
I have been disgusted with myself, my 4th step having revealed hurtful truths. At times, I have even considered skipping the rest of the inventory, or quitting the whole process altogether. That's too typical of me; quit what is good for me, destroy what hurts me. That stops here and now.
My fifth step will require that I admit the exact nature of my wrongs to another human being. What a humbling, embarassing and shaming experience that will be! I am anxious about doing it, but eager to get it done.
No amount of discomfort I may experience in this step will compare to the grief I have caused others. This fact should make it easier for me to complete this step. But what really encourages me is knowing that I am growing so much as a person, & that my future is so much brighter than my past.
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Replies (2)
Congratulations on completing what must have been a very difficult challenge. Your writing is inspiring and I think you are incredibly brave to be doing what you are. I wish you the very best of luck with step 5 and the rest of the program.
Goldfish
P.S. You have lovely handwriting!