Hi David,

Reading your note, I felt such aching pain and sorrow, and longed for you and all prisoners to be treated with respect and kindness. The violence you face from yourself and others, and the violence you may show to yourself and others, all speak to such anguish and terror that anyone in your situation must experience. I am so sorry you are going through this.

When you're released, there are community health centers with mental health services that could see you, even for free. There are Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance meetings to meet with others who are struggling with mental illness until you get services with professionals set up.

I care, and I can't imagine anyone who reads this wouldn't. Even if your situation may not allow for these, these are my wishes for you: may you be safe; may you be happy; may you be healthy; may you live with ease.

I did a quick google search for pro bono lawyers in WA and found something about the Northwest Justice Project and its project CLEAR as a central intake for people needing legal help. Here's how to get in contact with them:

>Call CLEAR
Outside King County: Call 1-888-201-1014 weekdays from 9:10 a.m. until 12:25 p.m. CLEAR works with a language line to provide interpreters as needed at no cost to callers. If you are deaf or hard of hearing, please call 1-888-201-1014 using your preferred TTY or Video relay service.

King County: Call 211 for information and referral to an appropriate legal services provider Monday through Friday from 8:00 am – 6:00 pm. You may also call (206) 461-3200, or the toll-free number, which may be useful when calling from a pay phone, 1-877-211-WASH (9274).

Here are some other resources I found on Washington Law Help for Prisoner's Rights legal issues:

Prisoners' rights in Grays Harbor County

ACLU of Washington
901 Fifth Avenue Suite 630 Seattle, WA 98164
206-624-2180
http://www.aclu-wa.org

Northwest Justice Project
401 Second Avenue South Suite 407 Seattle, WA 98104
1-888-201-1014
http://www.nwjustice.org

Disability Rights Washington
315 Fifth Avenue South Suite 850 Seattle, WA 98104
(206) 324-1521
http://www.disabilityrightswa.org

Legal Voice
confidential Seattle, WA 98101
206-621-7691
http://www.legalvoice.org/
This group does not provide legal representation in court.

You are facing so much hardship, and many people who do feel like suicide is the only way to stop the pain. It will get better. It is so hard, but hold on.

Can the Behind the Bars folks mail you other people's posts? There are some other bloggers who blog about mental health and prison that it might be good to connect with.

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Hi David,

I just got permission from another blogger to repost a post he wrote to you. I thought you might find it helpful to see what other bloggers are writing and to be helpful on your journey.

Cheers,
Susan

Empower Transform Believe

My Quest
By Daniel Labbe

From December 10, 2012

Empower yourself with this affirmation.

Today's quote: This I know, when I am mindful I am free to choose how I respond to ALL situations, and it is through these choices that I create my reality. Today I choose to BE the change I seek in the world; today I choose to create a reality that reflects the best of who I am. So be it!

I wrote this affirmation for the Mindful Living group I used to facilitate here at Old Colony Prison. It's meant to remind us that we are responsible for our experience of life. The affirmation is also to remind us that we EMPOWER ourselves when we acknowledge that we ALWAYS have a choice in how we respond to ANY situation. Our response can reflect our goals and values or it can reflect our woundedness and victimology. No matter what is happening, we always have a choice in responding in one of the above ways. No person, institution, circumstance, or government can take this freedom away from us. And it is these choices, MORE THAN ANY OTHER FACTOR, that creates our quality of life. As long as we choose to ignore this truth, we will live as the victims of circumstances outside our control. This is an empowering truth for anyone living in oppressive situations.

One decision can change your whole life.

I remember the first time I consciously used my freedom to choose. (This incident occurred in 2009). It was shortly after reading Victor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning.

I was in segregation unit (the hole) for fighting. I was sick of living such a dysfunctional life, and I was sick of always blaming unfair circumstances, mistreatment, and other people for my poor experiences and bad behavior (and sick of going to the hole!) (Ever have a "dysfunction" hangover?)

Anyway, while in the hole I ran out of toilet paper, a basic necessity that the officers are required to provide for us. I soon had to use the bathroom, so when a C.O. (Corrections Officer) came by, I requested a roll of toilet paper. Simple, right?

Well, a half-hour goes by and the C.O. comes by again. "Hey, C.O. Did you get any toilet paper for me?" "Oh, I forgot. I'll get it now." [cont'd]

Of course another half-hour goes by, and he still doesn't have it. Now I'm pissed off, big-time. Nature's calling - well, it's more like she's screaming. You get the idea.

It's all a game. Who can mess with who the most.

Two hours of this game goes by. In case you don't know, one of the punishments in the hole is for the C.O's to mess with you. I'm locked in an empty cell, and I have no way to get the necessities like T.P., except through a C.O.

In a situation like this a "con" is expected to do whatever it takes to address the unfair treatment and get his needs met. Three possible reactions came to mind. 1) "Pop" the sprinkler. This would cause an emergency and make a huge mess for the C.O.'s to clean up. 2) Make a rope with my sheet and yank the sink/toilet off the wall. 3) Kick the steel door continuously until the C.O. delivers the T.P. All these options are the standard reactions most cons use in such situations. Surprisingly, they get good results.

[This is what they WANT me to do!]

I was about to engage in option 3 when a thought came to my mind. What part of me would this response reflect? It occurred to me that this response would reflect the very dysfunctional coping skills and attitudes that have caused me and so many others immeasurable pain and difficulty. Not only that, such a reaction would cause me to get all worked-up and stressed-out. Recently I had made a commitment to do all I could to turn my life around, and honestly, I just didn't want to experience the emotional "flip-out" reaction anymore.

But they WERE treating me unfairly. Was I going to just let them punk me off like that? [Light Dawns]. By now I was actually excited about the prospect of choosing a new response to a familiar situation. I thought, if I truly want to lead a life of higher values, that INCLUDES unfair situations. So I made a choice. To "flip-out" would reflect "dysfunctional Dan", and did I want to empower dysfunctional Dan over a roll of T.P.? Or could I use this very situation, this abusive, humiliating situation, to empower the new Dan?

The new Dan was worth more than a roll of T.P.

[A new life is born.]

So, what did I do? Nothing. I waited... and waited until finally, just before shift-change, an officer gave me a roll of T.P. Should I have had to put up with such treatment? No way. But life isn't always fair, and often times it is how we respond to injustice that defines our character and creates our experience of reality.

[The Compassion Revolution IS our evolution! Choose unconditional compassion for a better world]

[cont'd]

[Who are you going to feed: the wolf or the noble eagle?]

You may not be in prison or be as dysfunctional as I was, but we all have a tendency to want to blame other people or unfair circumstances for our poor decisions or our "bad" experiences. We can all feel oppressed, neglected, or abused, and in these situations it can seem like we have little to no power. Yet the truth is, we ALWAYS have the freedom to choose a response that reflects the best of who we are. And it is THESE choices, choices we are responsible for, that have the biggest effect on our lives.

To accept responsibility for our choices - NO MATTER WHAT PEOPLE DO TO US - is to empower ourselves. No longer do we EVER need to live as "the victim", even when we ARE victimized. Victor Frankl discovered this truth in the most horrific environment ever created: a Nazi death-camp. None of us have it that bad, do we?

So, if you are looking for a way to empower yourself or gain some sense of freedom and choice in an oppressive situation, adopt the Mindful Living Affirmation and reclaim your destiny!

This I know, when I am mindful I am free to choose how I respond to ALL situations, and it is through these choices that I create my reality. Today I choose to BE the change I seek in the world; today I choose to create a reality that reflects the best of who I am. So be it!

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Yeah, I guess the most important thing is to do what feels like it has the most integrity to you - whether it's taking action or not taking action, or which action you take, but to actively choose it and not let your impulses choose it for you - not that everyone must take the same route in the same situation. Thanks for sharing your perspective, it helps open things up!

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