John Its been like 7 years since we've talked Do you remember we used to be pen pals? Lori fabiani...I came across your letters and remembered that my boyfriend at the time didn't want me to write you...He's gone and so much has happened...will you write to me again? My address ia Lori fabiani 642 north Erin ave Tucson az 85711
Marcus, You need to know that Bee (even in bee mode lately haha -smile-) really thanks you for this, and that it touched her heart in many ways. I think it was definitely at a time when she needed it. You are more important to her than you truly think! -CC
Hi Donald, this is my first time reading your blogs here. I check in from time to time on this site and do some replying to a few blogs. Yours caught my eye because yes, that happens and what sucks is that negative or not its true and I dont feel that you should have to deal with extra petty problems like that when you are already there doing your time, paying your dues, and getting it taken care of. I have never understood why some people want to make things extra hard on those who they are supposed to be guarding, not harassing. Im so sorry. I do know this happens. And worse. Ive known of only copies of precious family photos that were truly important to someone being torn up and laughed about when cells were trashed, cruel things said with taunts as if wanting to mock someone who cannot do anything about their behavior no matter how vile it becomes, and even worse things happening where the most that happens is that IF you CAN get anything done about it then they just suspend the person WITH pay for 1-2 weeks and then they are back and pissed within more than several instances in my area. Yet they truly did wrong. That is one thing Ive never understood. But when my distant cousin at a reunion told me he went through everything to work at a nearby correctional center near our town and once there, he quit within 7 mos because the others (some started when he did and had already joined in the group of lets play bad guy) were picking on him for not being hard on those just trying to do their time. He said it was a feeling of join in or they are going to drive him insane when hes just trying to be civil to other human beings and work each day. He walked out rather than join in such behavior, as he said it was very bad. Sending best wishes your way, Donald. Always. Keep writing, please! -CC
What love means to me? Each person giving 50/50 yet at the same time giving as much as they can of their 100% of who THEY are toward furthering mainly pure positivity in the relationship so that it can blossom in a loving way with no negative distractions other than everyday life stuff. Love doesnt create negativity for the heck of it. (Ive seen couples do this to each other when bored and to me it would be torture) Youll notice there are alot of negative times in my life I mention but can LOL and somehow now manage to even joke about, because at least I figure I can laugh about them years later and see how Ive grown/how far Ive come since that time. To me, love is shared with somoene who is at a spot in their live(s) close to the other (ready for change and not fearful of loving, has had lots of time to think about how/what they want to do when they meet the right person, ready to truly be themselves with no holdback, not be afraid to give this person their all within reason however since true love will never require meeting a demand or feeling pushed, etc) and if is meant to happen then I see it as fate.
Have I ever been in a loving relationship? Letter explains some of this believe it or not LOL and I started it yesterday on the 16th before reading this blog entry. I swear. I do believe had the few long relationships I had been truly full of love and acceptance instead of just me taking care of someone and never being able to be weak on my part if need be, then Id never have left those people. But the bad outweighed the good after 5-6 yrs in one ordeal and I had seriously and truly gave it my all, sometimes more than I was able, so I tried on my part at least. I hate that things ended up the way(s) that they did but I just couldnt handle always being the strong one. For years and years! (smile) Ill stop rambling. -CC
Dear Marcus, I am very glad I checked this site today and saw this post. I am sending a "rambling letter" your way and whats funny is that I am 5 pgs in and have already kind of answered the questions in my own little weird way LOL that you asked here on your blog. I want you to know that its considerate of you to be humble about your situation of it being hard to find someone who accepts all you have been through etc but I shared something in my letter to you that will definitely put that in perspective. There are people out here who have never been in your situation yet are truly horrible people inside, and I know you are not. And you know I dont say that to just anybody. Anyone reading this, please know Im a tough judge of character haha but Marcus has been the most humble kind friend I have met. I sent a letter out on the 14th but I was a stressed out overworked mess when writing it (now wish I had not sent it out actually!) all caught up within the whole game of trying to catch up on everything I had missed from my rough month in September being sick and all. I felt like triple the normal amount of people were pulling me all over the place and it just got overwhelming and I needed to vent. My boss and I also ended up discussing some things during a meeting that made alot of decisions for me (I love when that happens and I can quit worrying so much LOL) and I shared that with you as well in general without the boring blah blah. (smile) Anywayz- This blog reply will be mailed by Monday Oct 22nd and today is Oct 17th (8:27pm) and Im gonna try and finish your letter up since it seems so appropriate for your blog entry especially, and get it out and headed your direction. Our mail takes a maximum (and usual) three days between sending to reach each other but I do know that when they actually stamp the back and fill out the date I once noticed that it took just two but only one time. Got lucky. (smile) I hope youll find my letter alot more focused than usual and know I am fine now, it was hard to get back into the hang of things around the 8th-14th but the night of the 14th something cheered me up and I started a letter all about it. I think youll smile. -CC
Hi XRay, thank you for the support and replies, they are truly helpful. I wanted you to know that since my last comment to you I have good news. I also want you to know you were very correct. Once things started to fall into place, as you warned, many people would fall out of my life which they did but now that I see with much clearer eyes it was for the best honestly. I have noticed that lately everything seems to be much more in order, and things that used to be too much to handle suddenly seem so easily understood you assume you were given a new brain. Haha. It is that much of a difference though at times! (smile) Thank you so much for advice! -C.C.
P.S. One more thing Jenn- I understand the desperate need to acquire what is needed to truly flourish and blossom more and more each day. I hope to never lose this medication as the others made me sick for over 2 months and I had to use every kind of stomach OTC med out there to keep each days dosage down. The Spiro mixed with my 2nd med has caused NO negative side effects at all. The estrogen related med (2nd med) was the one doing that though, but after exactly one month it became tolerable and fine. I started on my 2nd month after the rough first month starting point and its as if it was a whole different thing, my stomach did not feel nauseated once and has not since unless I do not dose on time. But thats a small price to pay since I have attempted for over a decade to find tolerable, affordable, available meds that went well together like these two do (Im at .2 estrogen right now, doing fine, staying strong!!) and it took this long to finally find something I could truly live my life yet take at the same time and not feel horrible. My estrogen amount was way too high alot of times (in the amounts of estrogen in the pills I was given before finding this one to compliment the Spiro) and I was throwing them up even. Its so so hard to find even the right meds, or the right combo, etc. Much less know that Ive found something finally after 10 yrs or more really and could run out at any time and be in a mess! So far so good though! I truly mean it when I thank you from the heart for your kind replies and advice. Much Much Luv! -CC aka Candy
Here I am again! :) Haha. Thank you so much for your kind replies, seriously, kindness is hard to find in the world these days and rare when you do find it. I am familiar with the spironolactone myself! I was shocked to hear someone else has heard of it. I will try my best to pen a letter to you this week or next and explain more about everything. Wow. You have definitely taken away the feeling of being so alone with your kind heart, acceptance, and truthful advice and I never knew that we were familiar/on the same medicine(s). Taking aspirin for the blood clot risk is a good idea. I was only told to worry about liver levels on one of my meds (Im on two) and thats IT! I am so glad you even mentioned aspirin as a blood thinner because with the Spiro, its high risk for causing them and I wasnt warned about anything like I said other than liver levels and Im sure that concerns my 2nd medication. Sending much luv BACK only from the EAST coast haha! Much much luv!-Candy
Hi Jenn! Thank you for your responses to my comments! (smile) I also want to thank you for your kindness in your other comment when it comes to offering some advice my way. Luckily, things are starting to fall into place alot more by now, but the first few months were rough. I donate/support Just Detention Internation twice a year every year and am familiar with the PREA act from their website. I hate to hear its not being followed though, because I worry for your safety and think the right thing should be done so that you can continue to flourish as your true self inside and out without feeling you may be hurt or being uncomfortable. I send much support your way and will try to write if I can, Id love to, just know I am sending you best wishes each day and will happily join in any ruckus that needs to be made for the places not feeling the need to follow the PREA act for others safety!
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Its been like 7 years since we've talked Do you remember we used to be pen pals? Lori fabiani...I came across your letters and remembered that my boyfriend at the time didn't want me to write you...He's gone and so much has happened...will you write to me again?
My address ia Lori fabiani 642 north Erin ave
Tucson az 85711
Have I ever been in a loving relationship? Letter explains some of this believe it or not LOL and I started it yesterday on the 16th before reading this blog entry. I swear. I do believe had the few long relationships I had been truly full of love and acceptance instead of just me taking care of someone and never being able to be weak on my part if need be, then Id never have left those people. But the bad outweighed the good after 5-6 yrs in one ordeal and I had seriously and truly gave it my all, sometimes more than I was able, so I tried on my part at least. I hate that things ended up the way(s) that they did but I just couldnt handle always being the strong one. For years and years! (smile) Ill stop rambling. -CC