[Colored photo of author. He's wearing glasses and is giving the camera a nervous smile.] Ear Hustle The Dialogue of Xzyzst
Tonight I was handed a letter sent to me from a kind soul from the Netherlands. She asked if I had heard a recent episode of the very popular San Quentin State Prison's podcast called Ear Hustle (episode title: Down Low).
I had not, so it was great to see the brief header from the website. The print out leads with the following words:
"Of the thousands of incarcerated at San Quentin State Prison, no one is openly gay. NO ONE."
So now there is a bit of a rumbling in my spirit, as I have been housed in San Quentin's condemned row for over 20 years and living as openly gay ever since I was 12 years old.
I will note here that the Ear Hustle people invited the death row population to join their podcast. I wrote them back, as did others here. Yet when they broadcasted the death row episode here in the prison, the host of the show played as if no one from the row contacted them. We all laughed at the sanitized death row episode they did manage to broadcast. In fact, not everyone featured in that episode are actually on death row, which many of us found to be systematically interesting.
For me, people talked about how the death row episode ended with two voices of someone who sounded pretty ethnographically gay, and it was if a mainline inmate was chosen to replace the voice of, well, me. Let me add to my note here that just before the release of Ear Hustle's death row episode, I received a letter from an organization named Flying Over Walls. The letter prompted me to contact Ear Hustle because there was interest of doing a LGBTQ San Quentin podcast. And yes, I wrote Flying Over Walls, added my story, and NO ONE contacted me. NO ONE, not even Ear Hustle.
That leaves my spirit to rumble over reading the Ear Hustle header, that out of 4,232 inmates at San Quentin State Prison, NO ONE is openly gay?
Please allow me to provide some clarity on this matter. Yes, in 2018-2019, there is a "crowded closet" within SQ, and it is created on a systematic level. Here is what I mean.
Every inmate passes through a reception process before they are endorsed by a facility. San Quentin's reception center units are Badger Station, Donner Station, and Alpine Station. Alpine is the protective custody unit for gang dropouts that require sensitive needs programs and present a security concern. More about this later.
In Donner Station, portions of that unit now houses condemned inmates. I was there just a few months ago and had an opportunity to engage with the new generation of inner city youth being massively incarcerated. One day, out of nowhere, I heard a slash like a large water slash. In front of the cell I was in, I noticed a young gay black boy standing in the holding cages, waiting to see a councilor and be endorsed to go to a prison program, soaking wet.
I just finished watching the documentary "I am a Killer" on Netflix. The fifth episode explains your story which is quite compelling. I believe what you said to be true in your case.
Abortion is a tricky topic to talk about. For one, it is a woman's body, not the mans. The woman carries the child in her stomach for 9 months, not the man. Sickness and complications come at the expense of the woman, not the man. I can go on and on. Just because you get someone pregnant, does not mean you have control over another woman's body. Your view on religion i respect that you can believe as you please. However, Catholicism has been largely a tremendous coverup for child predators. Over the last year or so the amount of top Priests that have been charged with molestation and it is absolutely disgusting. Yet, that goes against all values of the church but why would they still be a part of the church if what they preach goes against their secret actions? Something to think about. Children, yes are beautiful and full of innocence, but they are not puppies to play and look at. They are human beings and if a woman knows they cannot take care of a child with good education, medical benefits, food, shelter, guidance, etc. then that is their choice to terminate. Sure you could argue to put them in a orphanage or foster care and then lets see how "wonderful" and "beautiful" their life will be. Yes, they could overcome adversity, but that percentage is minimal. And if you think those small percentage of children who were going to be aborted would become the child to cure cancer or colonize Mars then that's very unfortunate belief. The culture in America is largely surrounded by no support for women financially or emotionally. Women get minimal to zero paid maternity leave. Get compensated far less than the equivalent male. And have been carrying the burden of oppression by men for centuries. That being said, a child can't take care of themselves. It needs a parent, that parent who is always there for that child is almost always the mother. Maybe before we get on the topic on what's best for unborn humans, we should focus more on the well being and equal rights of women. Best, Charlie
Hey Jack its kyla, i would like to consider writing your personally but i think i should get to know you a little bit more. Plus I'm waiting for new address to get all of my mail without getting lost everywhere. I'm from Arizona, i have lived all over the state so i guess you can say I'm native. I listen to all sorts of music, like I'm opened minded to any kind of music. My day usually consists of waking up and either going to work or on my days off I'm catching up on school. Things that make me happy is when others have a positive mindset Things that don't make me happy are, negativity, lying, and betrayal. It's really my biggest pet peeves. Once I get my address all figured I would be glad to write you.
Dear Jack, I'm so sorry I haven't written to you in over two months. I've been incredibly busy and it slipped my mind. I'm sorry. To answer your previous response to me: I love AC/DC too. I haven't listened to much Lady Antebellum, but what I've listened to by her, I've liked. Now to your questions for me: 1) My favorite animal... I don't know if I have a favorite animal. I have two cats and I really like them, so maybe cats are my favorite animal. 2) I was born in Chicago, Illinois. I still live in Illinois and have never moved from Illinois. 3) My favorite TV show is a show called That 70s Show. It's a sitcom set in the 1970s about a group of teenage friends. It mainly just makes a lot of references to the 70s. 4) I have one brother and one sister. I live with my mom, too. My dad is not around. He left when I was thirteen, and I'm glad that he left. 5) My favorite food is probably enchiladas. I don't watch movies a whole lot, but Forrest Gump is my favorite. My favorite color is lemon-lime, specifically the color of Mountain Dew. I don't know why, I've just always liked that color. 6) I don't watch movies a whole lot, so I don't have a kind that I like the most. I like kind of inspirational movies, though. The Blind Side is one of my favorite movies as well. 7) Currently I'm studying for my GED. In Illinois, I have to be 17 to take the tests. I turn seventeen in a few months, so I'm going to take those tests as soon as possible. I dropped out of high school because due to mental illness, I couldn't continue school with my peers. After I get my GED, I plan to take classes at a community college in January. I'm still working on my driver's license, though. Again, I am incredibly sorry about not responding for so long. I feel really bad about it. I hope your day is nice! -Grace
Hello dymitri l, its kyla. Thank you for writing me again, i appreciate you for taking the time to write to me. I'm sorry you were having a rough time with your counsler. But i hope it gets better. I hope your at least trying to stay positive in light of being locked away. It must be hard but the least you can do is try. But what helps calm you down when your mad? Have you learned how to cope or is that something you never get used to? I hope they aren't touchy questions but i think everyone finds a way to calm themselves down because sometimes all we have is ourselves. But i hope you know whenever your having a bad day and you need to vent you can talk to me about it, i know it'll take some time for me to get it but at least you'll have some what of a cleared mind. I hope to hear from you soon. Stay positive and keep me up to date on how you are
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Ear Hustle
The Dialogue of Xzyzst
Tonight I was handed a letter sent to me from a kind soul from the Netherlands. She asked if I had heard a recent episode of the very popular San Quentin State Prison's podcast called Ear Hustle (episode title: Down Low).
I had not, so it was great to see the brief header from the website. The print out leads with the following words:
"Of the thousands of incarcerated at San Quentin State Prison, no one is openly gay. NO ONE."
So now there is a bit of a rumbling in my spirit, as I have been housed in San Quentin's condemned row for over 20 years and living as openly gay ever since I was 12 years old.
I will note here that the Ear Hustle people invited the death row population to join their podcast. I wrote them back, as did others here. Yet when they broadcasted the death row episode here in the prison, the host of the show played as if no one from the row contacted them. We all laughed at the sanitized death row episode they did manage to broadcast. In fact, not everyone featured in that episode are actually on death row, which many of us found to be systematically interesting.
For me, people talked about how the death row episode ended with two voices of someone who sounded pretty ethnographically gay, and it was if a mainline inmate was chosen to replace the voice of, well, me. Let me add to my note here that just before the release of Ear Hustle's death row episode, I received a letter from an organization named Flying Over Walls. The letter prompted me to contact Ear Hustle because there was interest of doing a LGBTQ San Quentin podcast. And yes, I wrote Flying Over Walls, added my story, and NO ONE contacted me. NO ONE, not even Ear Hustle.
That leaves my spirit to rumble over reading the Ear Hustle header, that out of 4,232 inmates at San Quentin State Prison, NO ONE is openly gay?
Please allow me to provide some clarity on this matter. Yes, in 2018-2019, there is a "crowded closet" within SQ, and it is created on a systematic level. Here is what I mean.
Every inmate passes through a reception process before they are endorsed by a facility. San Quentin's reception center units are Badger Station, Donner Station, and Alpine Station. Alpine is the protective custody unit for gang dropouts that require sensitive needs programs and present a security concern. More about this later.
In Donner Station, portions of that unit now houses condemned inmates. I was there just a few months ago and had an opportunity to engage with the new generation of inner city youth being massively incarcerated. One day, out of nowhere, I heard a slash like a large water slash. In front of the cell I was in, I noticed a young gay black boy standing in the holding cages, waiting to see a councilor and be endorsed to go to a prison program, soaking wet.
I just finished watching the documentary "I am a Killer" on Netflix. The fifth episode explains your story which is quite compelling. I believe what you said to be true in your case.
Abortion is a tricky topic to talk about. For one, it is a woman's body, not the mans. The woman carries the child in her stomach for 9 months, not the man. Sickness and complications come at the expense of the woman, not the man. I can go on and on. Just because you get someone pregnant, does not mean you have control over another woman's body. Your view on religion i respect that you can believe as you please. However, Catholicism has been largely a tremendous coverup for child predators. Over the last year or so the amount of top Priests that have been charged with molestation and it is absolutely disgusting. Yet, that goes against all values of the church but why would they still be a part of the church if what they preach goes against their secret actions? Something to think about. Children, yes are beautiful and full of innocence, but they are not puppies to play and look at. They are human beings and if a woman knows they cannot take care of a child with good education, medical benefits, food, shelter, guidance, etc. then that is their choice to terminate. Sure you could argue to put them in a orphanage or foster care and then lets see how "wonderful" and "beautiful" their life will be. Yes, they could overcome adversity, but that percentage is minimal. And if you think those small percentage of children who were going to be aborted would become the child to cure cancer or colonize Mars then that's very unfortunate belief.
The culture in America is largely surrounded by no support for women financially or emotionally. Women get minimal to zero paid maternity leave. Get compensated far less than the equivalent male. And have been carrying the burden of oppression by men for centuries. That being said, a child can't take care of themselves. It needs a parent, that parent who is always there for that child is almost always the mother. Maybe before we get on the topic on what's best for unborn humans, we should focus more on the well being and equal rights of women.
Best, Charlie
This country is dyer need of criminal justice and prison reform, as your writing illustrates.
Stay strong,
Lisa <3
I feel greatful to have stumbled upon your ‘Burried Alive’.
So much colour in something so sad. I hope you continue to pick yourself up, continue to write, find some colour in your own life.
You have a talent, that I hope that more people get to find your writings.
Your writings have made it all the way to New Zealand. (A tiny Country in the South Pacific)
Keep writing, I’ll keep reading.
Thanks,
Mel
I'm so sorry I haven't written to you in over two months. I've been incredibly busy and it slipped my mind. I'm sorry.
To answer your previous response to me:
I love AC/DC too. I haven't listened to much Lady Antebellum, but what I've listened to by her, I've liked.
Now to your questions for me:
1) My favorite animal... I don't know if I have a favorite animal. I have two cats and I really like them, so maybe cats are my favorite animal.
2) I was born in Chicago, Illinois. I still live in Illinois and have never moved from Illinois.
3) My favorite TV show is a show called That 70s Show. It's a sitcom set in the 1970s about a group of teenage friends. It mainly just makes a lot of references to the 70s.
4) I have one brother and one sister. I live with my mom, too. My dad is not around. He left when I was thirteen, and I'm glad that he left.
5) My favorite food is probably enchiladas. I don't watch movies a whole lot, but Forrest Gump is my favorite. My favorite color is lemon-lime, specifically the color of Mountain Dew. I don't know why, I've just always liked that color.
6) I don't watch movies a whole lot, so I don't have a kind that I like the most. I like kind of inspirational movies, though. The Blind Side is one of my favorite movies as well.
7) Currently I'm studying for my GED. In Illinois, I have to be 17 to take the tests. I turn seventeen in a few months, so I'm going to take those tests as soon as possible. I dropped out of high school because due to mental illness, I couldn't continue school with my peers. After I get my GED, I plan to take classes at a community college in January. I'm still working on my driver's license, though.
Again, I am incredibly sorry about not responding for so long. I feel really bad about it.
I hope your day is nice!
-Grace