CHRONICLES OF AN AMERICAN JACKASS #5

I figured today would be the day to relate the story of a lost love...

The middle of November, 2003... my estranged fiancée Treva Williams was killed in a nasty car crash...

Halloween Night 2003 Treva, a registered nurse, and I were having a kegger for a moderate group of friends... Her and I, fuelled on cocaine, had a couple kegs of bud and several cases of suds as back-up for when the kegs got drained... I had rolled up an ounce of weed into joints and passed one to each person as they walked in...

Treva and I got into an argument that nearly turned violent so I left... I spent the next two weeks or so bouncing from one friend's place to another - fuelled on meth and coke - slinging tattoos to pay for the fuel, when one day I get a call from one of my tweeker girls telling me that Treva was whiskey drunk and crying her eyes out trying to find me...

...I had changed the number on my cell as I loved her but I felt as though our relationship was toxic - and honestly bad for both of us... But I did still love her crazy, blonde-haired, blue-eyed, 44DD, Levi-rockin' ass... High as I was and knowing how she can be when drunk... I spent the next few hours bouncing from one spot to the next evading her pursuit.

Her daughter's boyfriend was driving her around town in his Cadillac, taking her to all my hideouts and I was just barely able to avoid them, at one specific location I was sliding out a back door as she was knocking at the front door.

Treva ended up stopping at my sister's in an attempt to get Sissy Jo (Goddess rest her soul) to tell her my new phone number... I guess shit went South and they ended up boxing on the front lawn... Treva was whoopin' my sis and her butch roommate... My 14 year-old niece gets scared for her mom and dials 911.

The cops are on the way... You can hear the sirens across town - I heard them as I was doing a shot of ice big enough to float a 747 all the way to Cali...

Treva jumps in the Cadi and Bill makes for an exit... by the time they turned onto the main drag - officer Brian Neal - was on their tail. Bill misjudges a turn at high speed, over-corrects and flips the Cadillac over a guard rail and into a ditch lined with those big white rocks (Rif Raf) Treva had flown out her window and was trapped under the car... but still alive. The wrecker gets their there, wenches the Cadi off of Treva and the wench slipped, dropping the Cadillac on Treva, killing her instantly.

Within minutes, a close friend of mine found me and told me everything that happened...

...And something inside of me broke...

If I had answered the door, instead of sneaking out the back, if I had just dealt with her when I had the chance... she'd still be here.

I still think about her everyday, the only woman I ever tattooed my name on - she begged for a week before I finally relented.

3 different women, beginning with Treva, over the course of the next 18 months all got killed in car crashes - all 3 had my tattoo a butterfly on them... I quit doing butterfly tattoos, period.

Sometimes when I converse with the Goddess I'll invoke Treva's name, and talk to her, telling her how sorry I am, and how I'd give anything to have her back.

Remember that old song by Cinderella "You Don't Know What You've Got 'Till It's Gone?"

Her daughter, Heather, recently wrote to me and said that her mom loved me with all of her heard and all she wanted to do was apologise and beg me to come home... wow.

There's no way around it, that was my fault, and it kills me.

You're never gonna believe this but The Offspring's "Gone Away" just came on...

"Black roses and Hail Mary's can't bring back what has been taken from me!"

"I reach to the sky and call our your name... oh please let me trade, oh how I would."