Done, Done and Done

You can't live like this indefinitely. KNOWING everyone's out to destroy you; IS destroying you. KNOWING everyone in your past is so pissed off at you that they wish you ill. KNOWING that inside the hurt will spill over onto future "everyones". Knowing it's downhill; it's been downhill for almost twenty f**king years!

You do not understand minds like Adam Lanza's because you have not been desolated entirely by life. I can actually sit in that dude's twisted mind and hear his thoughts.

"My skinny arms. Why don't I look like all these bodybuilders on T.V.?" - "My funny face. Where's the rugged face hair, cleft chin and Tom Cruise eyes?" "My mom... I love her... differently." "No one. Understands. Me."

I said in past essays maybe he was attracted to children sexually. Because of patriarchy and its Lt. pornography. Making innocence, power, submission erotic.

Sometimes I just wish I could be at an intersection during some incident and jump in front of a car as I push someone out of the way. But on a larger scale. I want to sacrifice my life for humankind's.

But no one does that. The richest. The poorest. The busiest. The laziest.

We all just are unwilling passengers on this train car called extinction.

What can we do? We haven't people habitated on the moon yet! We just piddle around down here like ants waiting for the boot to drop. Worrying about fitting in sexually... economically, socially, physiognomically, spiritually!!!

We are missing something obvious: NONE OF THAT MATTERS IN THE LONG RUN.

Are we still that much animals that we as inhabitants of Earth can't coexist peacefully! You can't say you are happy, content, correct when your brothers and sisters are dying at the hands of your other brothers and sisters.

Your babies at the hands of babies.

How soon do you go back to consuming normally after Sandy Hook? When does that flatscreen, waterbed and Lazy Boy resume being comfortable again? A week? A month?

We train our babies in military tactics. Then pay them boatloads of money and give them praise as fu*%ing heroes!

But a boy that socially plays around with drugs, and gets a bit rowdy, we wage a war on drugs on HIM! And institutionalize him in torture solitary cages. We push these psychiatric poisons on him when he develops suicidal ideation and anger "problems".

Homicidal ideation we pay and award awards to. We train. Suicidal ideation we give drugs to make it worse; we award fines, probation, parole and "mental illness" stigmas on.

We hang suicidal people just as surely as we give guns to military murderers.

You can't live like this indefinitely, no. That's a given. But you also can't murder and wage wars on your brothers and sisters and expect a bright future ahead.

It'll boomerang. It boomerangs. It's been boomeranging. Pull out all troopers! Make laws against Pentagons, unmanned drones and billionaires!