7-10-11

Hello, World.

It's me again. I decided to drop in to help you stay cool during these hot summer days. Yes, it's hot here in the Midwest. I enjoy the heat. It's better than the snow! Everything at WSPG is still the same. If they cut the budge any more, we will be down to one meal a day, which won't be all bad since prison food really sucks! :)

My pursuit for freedom continues. Things are pretty much in a holding pattern right now. But I hope to get back to work soon.

I want to give you some background on where my poems come from. To understand me is to understand my art. The poem I'm going to share with you today is a piece I wrote back in '99. During that time in my life, I was going through my struggle with God. I was a nonbeliever. At that point in my life, I couldn't believe in a God that had put me through so much.

My mother passed away from an overdose when I was 13. She had a drug problem for most of my life. My grandmother passed when I was 16. She was my rock! Living with her was the first and only time I've ever had a stable home. I love her so much for that. I was in jail when I was 17. I was given a life sentence when I was 18.

I couldn't understand how a loving God could hate me so much. A lot of the things I write are questions to God. Things I want him to answer for me. Things that I need to know to help me understand. A lot of my poems start off with the word "why." Because I'm looking for answers. So my poems come from pain, loss, hurt, anger and wanting to know.

I'm going to end for now. I hope you enjoy my work. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me. Thank you.

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Why Can't I Go To Heaven?

Why can't I go to heaven? Am I still your child?
Like any other parent, you should be proud
Look at all I've achieved instead of all my evil deeds
I know that I have sinned but in this world, that's how
You're brought in
Should I be expelled from heaven for a moment of rage?
In the Bible you talk about forgiveness on almost every page
Dear Lord, if you truly have the ability to look inside of me,
Then you should know a good person is what I crave to be
Am I expelled from heaven because I took a life?
Lord, you should know I've paid the price
Remorse is how I feel, but how can I explain
In a moment of anger my whole life changed
Dear Lord, if I'm expelled from heaven
Please let me know
So come judgment day, I won't show!

Rodney Foster