Transcription
06-04-13
Dear Readers,
Howdy! I'm really sorry for not posting anything on my blog for a long time and I also have several responses which I need to reply to. Please forgive me! The main reason is because I am broke and can't afford to buy minutes on the email service, and I started another letter weeks ago and have either been too busy in or otherwise distracted to finish it.
Now I have plenty of time, just no stamps as of yet. Why is that? I'm in the fucking Hole again. And once again, it's for absolutely nothing.
Okay, rewind to yesterday. I hadn't gotten much sleep the previous night and was awakened at 6 AM by the CO who told me that I had to go to R+D that morning (Receiving and Discharge). Actually, it was just before 6. I asked when I needed to be there and he said to go after breakfast, which is about 6:15-6:30 AM. So I got ready in a daze, and hung out and started over with another guy at around 7 AM. We got just a bit out of the door, and our CO and another one yelled at us to stop 'cause the compound was closed. We said we were headed to R+D and the CO called and no one was there, so we came back.
At 7:30 AM, during the first work call (when guys go to work), we went up there again. This is when R+D is supposed to be open for legal mail. No one is there. The compound CO tells us to leave.
At about 7:47 or so, R+D starts paging other guys, but no one who's going to the FMC. Oh, I never mentioned that we were going to R+D for the process of being taken to the Medical Center for treatment. Well, we took it upon ourselves to head up there.
Long story short, we go up to the FMC for various things—I went to see the dermatologist. We're there past lunch. Finally, I'm done and they call my name along with others to be sent back to our different compounds.
Okay, my first clue should have been when they put one in a separate holding cell at R+D at the FMC, but I figured they just did that 'cause all the other guys were going to the Deuce (the other medium). Then, I saw them chain up one of the guys I came with while they left me in that cell alone. Huh... must be a mistake. Then, they chain me up, keep me separate from everyone, and take me back on our small bus alone, while the other guy is put on the larger bus with all the guys from the Deuce. WTF? Now I can tell something's wrong. I asked one of the COs, but this bitch tells me I'm not in trouble.
Finally, I hear something about putting one inmate in isolation and that same CO who lied to me looks over at me. They take both me and the other inmate to the "One" and take us in separately. I ask the second CO who's talking me and what's going on, and she tells me that I'm not going back to my unit, but she doesn't know why.
So, I get to R+D and there's another inmate from my unit. I'm there for only a few minutes and I'm taken to medical. It's at this point that I finally find out what's going on. I'm told that I'm being locked up with three other guys and that someone had said that some kind of sexual assault had occurred between me and one of the other inmates. Are you fucking kidding me? I'm given an "exam' at medical and, of course, they don't find anything.
06-18-13
Back! Sorry.
Anyway, I'm taken over to the SHU at the "Low", right after my medical exam. I'm put in a cell with some guy who's absolutely adorable! I'm in love! Three days later, I'm questioned by the SIS (Investigations) Lieutenant. She says she knows it's BS and plans to send us back. She also mentioned that someone had since written on the bathroom wall at Education that I needed to be "raped" and thrown off the compound, but I told her that I wasn't worried about it.
So anyway, all four of us are taken back to the compound. When I got back to the unit, I find that someone has moved into my bunk, but fortunately he moves. I also find that my [inbicle?] has been raided and I'm missing several things, including my chair and trashcan (which was taken by a supposed "stand-up" convict). Another guy, whom I thought was a friend, tried to take my reading lamp (worth two books of stamps) because I owed him ten stamps. He's also the guy who took my chair. What a slimeball.
In addition, as usual, I'm missing things due to the CO who packed me out. Besides the usual oddments, this guy took the cutlery set I bought—this is the third or fourth time that's happened. Plus he took all of my pain meds—aspirin, Tylenol, and acetaminophen. Thanks. All this for three days of nonsense. This place is so screwed up.
Love and blessings,
Kelly
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Replies (29)
I am so very sorry for what you are going through...
What is all going on there?? Don't you worry too much for not writing, we understand your grievances.
Only when we read about your frustrations, we get to know you and thanks for writing it anyways and telling people out of jail. We read it, and encourage you, ok?
If only those sentences could help you in one or another way, Kelly.
Here goes: It comes out of a booklet 'The sense of life'.
Bertrand Russell (1872- 1970), an English philosopher and mathematician wrote: Three simple but irresistible passions have dominated my life: the need of love, the hang to wisdom and an almost unbearable compassion
with the suffering man.
Which wisdom is greater than kindness?- Jean Jacques Rousseau (1712- 1778)
A peacefull world is not a world without
conflicts. Conflicts are fundamental for life; where there is life, there is struggle. -B.V.A Röling (1906-1985), Dutch polemologue
(?).
Kelly, I wish you plenty of courage! :-)
your friend, Rita big hug!
almost forgot to tell you: my eldest daughter Elke expects her first child!!! It's due for the end of January!
My youngest daughter Leslie has two little kids: Adric (4,5yrs) and Claire (2,5 yrs).
Just to announce it! ;-)
Sorry I'm so late to answer to your post. In fact I didn't quite know what to say when I first read it. Are you now still in confinement? I wish I could help in some way... Rita's quotes are real nice. Maybe if you are there you now have time to find the silence in yourself, haven't you? Well here I am again, don't want to impose anything on you, it's bad enough you're not free. Well in your mind you always stay free... I know this is only a small consolation... It must be a huge work on yourself to cope with situations in jail, I send you much energy through prayer.
Congratulations Rita on the pregnancy of your daughter.
A big hug to you, Kelly! Take care!
Thanks for the wishes! Kelly, I plan to write you a letter and to put a photo of mine, ok?
At least you see how i'm looking like. Makes it more real, I suppose.
I just was wondering if you can read in the Hole, Kelly!?? Make quiet time for yourself...
You are in my mind and be blessed, my friend.
Rita :-))
Taking action is more than just a way toward your goal. It's a lifestyle.
We can take confident action and overcome our fear.
Some thoughts are serving me, and other thoughts are not serving me. It's up to me to decide. Awareness.... what do I do with that thought?
We are artists and our lives are our canvas. We hold the paint brush and choose the paint.
The whole world is your art.
This is a nice saying, to put in one's mind: 'You can't do everything, but you can do anything'
Just some inspiration I got today by somebody else and I'd like to share it with you, Kelly and Little Pilgrim. ;-)
Just want to tell here I am sitting in the dark, with only burning candles lighting the room and some smooth meditation music on the background. I find peace with myself this is necessary because I too have turbulent times at this moment...
We can always return to our centre, when we get silence in ourselves, putting down that little voice within us telling us we're worth nothing...
There's another, very much more silent voice within ourselves, the one that you only can hear when you carefully listen to it, that's our inner voice and personally I believe that through that tiny little whisper God speaks to us gentle words of Love... By the way there's a beautiful story in the Bible telling God is not in the thunder, not in the fire, but in that tiny whispering of the breeze...
Well I think I get a bit spiritual here... Hope you both don't mind, Kelly and Rita...
You both take care! I pray for both of you, if you don't mind!
Speaking about candles... :-D; would you know that I burned two candles yesterday (normally one, but that one candle kept burning for ever ;-) !!)
for the release of my friend George jr. His PB was renewed,for the previous one was not done properly! The interviewer bij then (a woman) had most of the time spoken of politics... instead of his being state, to be judged later on.
The voting people did hardly know anything at all about his state.. so they did it anew yesterday.
George jr, already is a pen pal for more then 10 yrs!! could this time become free!...
We'll know on the 26 th of September.
His dad (90 in September) and me visited him lately in jail. I could visit 6hrs/day and did 12 days!
His dad came on his birthday. ;-)
Would'nt that be the greatest birthday present ever for his dad!!! His only sun being released after so mamy yrs! :-o
I pray for that to become real!
And of course you can think of us in your prayers, Lp :-))
Thanks for your kind reply. I understand fully you have frustrations! I can imagine a little bit it must be a very difficult situation.
Yes Rita and I are both from Belgium, I live in Lier near Antwerp. Maybe Rita knows it. I think Rita lives in Ghent, that's a whole trip from my place.
Each Thursday I go to a meditation group nearby where I live, I can go to it with my electronic chair (don't know if I already told you I permanently sit in a wheelchair, so that's my kind of prison... without wanting to be bitter over it, I learned to live with it, you know). Being part of that group is doing me much good. The day before yesterday, I was asked to write an article about a book I read, for the newsletter that is edited on regional level. I enjoyed working on it, I already sent it away. I feel like everybody can be him- or herself in that group and we talk about a lot of things, often I can't speak about in other places.
On Facebook I started with a new group, for persons writing with prisoners or wanting to do so. I started about a month ago and we're already eight. Didn't expect that succes so soon. Rita, are you interested maybe?
Meditation helps not making your problems vanish, it helps working at the basis of your existence, making you stronger to cope with situations of life.
I can understand you're a bit scared at the perspective to get maybe free again. In the outer world things are not easy at all either. I think it's a question of preparing yourself well if that perspective gets any concrete form.
Well it seems that I was in a talkative mood tonight... Guess I'll send this off to you, wishing you all the best I can.
I send you also a big hug!
the 26th of October was a very sad day, as he didn't become free. He only had 2 votes in his favor... and he needs the half of the members who vote; that is thus 7.
At least 2 have a heart. They all know(men and women are the judges)how many years that man has been in jail!....
How he was correct in any way. How he stays healthy doing sport and keeping updated by reading books, newspaper, following the news, playing chess with people outward, all he possibly can do!!
Besides that, he writes letters in defending palls, or obtaining an earlier release for friends there.
Now he lately saw that the vending machine companies don't pay the fair deal to the jails. He sees now what might happen after he wrote about that issue.
George thought this time he would be released as they let go older inmates. Not!!
He anticipated so many things he would face in the outer world. That was really challenging and he got the idea for once he could do something independent, as this is his main frustration! He figured it all out, one thing after the other, for that day!.......
:-((( We were tremendously sad, Kelly.
My personal letter was read in the beginning of the PB. I know 'next year'I will play it real hard!!! My letter will be shocking/rocking their consciousness- if they have one!?- and go right to their inhumane souls.
Do they have suns? Is all in life about vengeance? I s there a place for forgiveness? Can they live with the thought they didn't give a chance to a rightfull man? Will they drive home soon that day and sleep with the idea that some day they will regret to not to give their pro- vote?
Did'nt they consider the harsh life from this man, and see his efforts? Did they even looked at it and take note of it?
They have the responsability to judge and can they say; I did the right thing? They have the future life from him and me in their hands
and are they just? Once older, just as us now... , won't they have to live with the great regret, not to have given us a chance to be happy?!
I've to waken them with my letter! That is all I can do. Fight for it with words.
I also will thank the 2 people who had hearts and a decent sense of humanity.
When your time is there, Kelly we know what we're talking about. And we will help you as good as we can. Certainly George.... but one thing is for sure, the 2 of us will make it together one day out there!
No, Little Pilgrim, I live in Antwerp, Deurne.
I am not anymore on Facebook, nor anything else. I just don't have the time to do so. I don't like to be too long on internet.
But we always could meet.
a friendly hug from Rita!
I guess you sent me a second letter??? I got only one letter from you so far. Is that correct?
Maybe I misunderstood.
We had in our family a sad happening lately.
My uncle's grandchild of 14 yrs died! He, Gerbert, lay dead in his bed, in the morning when his father found him...
He was the oldest and next came his brother of 13 and the famuily has two smaller children they adopted.
They go all through a hard time.
The farewell event was so very moving.... :-(
Kelly, on the 29th of November I will visit first of all my family in California, San Diego,atour youngest daughter.
I will finally see the grandkids Adric (4 and a half) and Claire (2 and a half; she is born there!) I am so very happy to soon see them!!!
It's warm and hot there now! She has another visiter, right now.
I will stay 3 weeks at theirs and on the 20th of December I will fly to Illois. There it is winter time!
To visit George! He had such a hard time to accept... His cellmate Too Tall takes now very well care of him. It's like George's younger brother. George obtained him to have in his cell, while they were together in the previous prison.
They both have their hard times and they watch out for each other. That is nice!
So, I will be in Galesburg pretty soon!! I am at his till the tenth of Januari.
Will be visiting him for X- mas and the New Year!
I make myself ready for the trip over the pond, haha..
Somebody saw your photo and I will tyell you what was said, ok? ;-)
Oh, only good things you know!
a big hug and take care, Kelly!!
Rita
A letter is on its way...
Rita, my sincere condoleances for losing your young nephew. How sad!
I wish you a nice stay in the USA and a lot of joy seeing George again and spending Christmas and New Year with him!
I certainly want to meet you some time... Maybe Kelly will agree to pass me your address... a phone number would be somewhat easier.
Maybe you're too busy now with preparing your trip to America, well then it will be for next year, I suggest to meet each other in spring on a sunny day.
I send a big hug to you, Kelly and Rita! xxx
Thank you for the condoleances, Little Pilgrim! :-)
Here at least is my email,(ridebema@gmail.com) and in there I will give my phone number, so we could call prior to meet each other in 2014.
Yes, I'm rather busy preparing for summer and winter time!!
I will stay about 42 days in the States! As I already said, I lived three years in Utah and 4 in Ohio. It feels somewhat as my second home.;-))
Kelly, all the best in whatever you undertake, eh!
hugs to the 2 of you!
Rita
You certainly know of it, do you?
I now read a book i took from my shelves, in Spanish, with the titel: El libro de la mujer. Sobre el poder de lo feminino. Translated: The book of the woman. About the power of feminity.
Is that about any interest of you, Kelly? Written by Osho. Do you know him?
He was described as one of the 10 people (together with Gandhi, Nehru and Buddha) who changed the destiny of India.
I just read an article about the burning of witches ands why? Tell me what you know about it exactly, Kelly?
He said he had many lives, prior to the man he was. He was ever women as well. Women ask him questions about the difficult situations they encountered in life. He knew women so very well! Really very interesting to see his view on it!
Kelly, did you get my second letter? Did you write me a second letter as well? I only saw one letter of yours in my mailbox.
Great season greetings as well !
The kids are just great! They got this morning toys from San Nicholas. Candies, mandarins. They were and are so very excited!! It is a special day. It rains and that is rather unusual here. The family will hatch a christmas tree at a farm now.
We will decorate the tree this evening.
Tomorrow then we have the feast of the saint, together with the Dutch families as well. San Nicholas ever was a bishop who reported toys to the children. He is helped by black helpers. Now they are called rainbow helpers, to not the be racists. Although those helpers were black from going into the chimneys to throw the toys in the houses. S N walks every 6th of December on the roofs, with his white horse. He has a beard like Santa Claus. And a stick (?) like a real bishop. ;-))) On his head he has a miter (?). And dressed in a long red clothing.
We also celebrate Christmas with Santa you know.
Hope you had a nice Thanksgiving, Kelly? My family belated this day till I was here in America. Then we celebrated it again with friends the next day .
yes, holidays are depressing in a prison, I know from my pen pals. George sends me articles regularly and they are sometimes very depressing!
He sent one lately with the titel: Throwing away the key. What does America do with its people!!!
I read this: A shocking number of non-violent Americans will die in prison.
A man of 22 was sentenced to life in prison and with no possibility of parole.
In his teens he got hooked on drugs and was convicted of marijuana possession, trepassing and petty theft.
He was then jailed for a burglary he committed when he was 16, and this was his undoing. He stole his stephfather's gun within three years of his release; under a Florida mandatory -sentencing law for re-offenders, the judge had to lock him up for ever.
Lance Saltzman took the gun from his stephdad. Because he threatened his mom. He sold it to a friend, who used it in a burglary.
Mr S. was charged with burglary, theft and being a felon in possession of a firearm- all for taking a gun from his own house- as well as with burglary committed using the gun, in which he says he took no part.
Isn't that a sad story.....
Mr S. is one of at least 3,278 people serving sentences of life without parole for non- violent crimes, according to a new report from the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU).
Around 79% of them were convicted of drug crimes. These include:having an unweighably small amount of cocaine in a shirt pocket, selling 10-dollar worth of crack to a police informant and mailing small amounts of LSD to fellow Grateful Dead fans. Property crimes that earned offenders a permanent home in prison include shoplifting three belts, breaking into an empty liquor store and possessing stolen wrenches.
Some were triggered by "three-strikes" laws, which demand a severe penalty for a 3rd crime, no matter how minor.
Among federal prisoners, blacks are 20 times more likely to receive such sentences: they are 65% of the national total, compared with 18% for whites and 16% for Latinos.In some states teh numbers are yet more skewed: blacks are 91% of non-violent life-without- parole prisonersin Louisiana,79% in Mississippi and 68% in South Carolina.
The ACLU estimates that life-without-Parole sentences for non-violent offenders add 1,8 billion of dollars to the cost of incarcerating those to whom they apply.
Tremendously sad....
Kelly, it is late here... well you can see what I read. :-(((
Take care of yourself, stay strong and help where needed.
a big hug from your friend, Rita!
Look closely at the present you are constructing.
It should look like the future you are dreaming... Alice Walker
The future remains shrouded in mystery and the past is over, forever...
BUT THIS VERY MOMENT IS FILLED WITH POWER AND POTENTIAL; iN THIS INSTANT YOU CAN CHOOSE TO THINK DIFFERENTLY. TO MAKE A BETTER DECISION... TO BEGIN AGAIN.
Kelly, I got your letter! I will send one your way, ok?
Here is my address for e-mailing for Little Pilgrim: ridebema@gmail.com
Can you give it to her please?
'It's about knowing how to accentuate the positive, so radiant colors shine through. So go on, take a look at how you can bring but the positives this week to live the best you can'.
All the best, only the best for you, Kelly! :)))
Take care and smile a smile for me.
Rita
I wrote you a second letter, did you got it?
I have been 'out' for some time, my holidays with Christmas and new year kept me much busy and in january of this year, I helas stayed for some 12 days in hospital. Wel everything seems to be OK again. I mailed Rita this evening, maybe we can meet some day. That would be very nice!
Nice to read you do some meditation again. You're right, even 10 minutes each time can make a change in your life.
I'm reading some nice book about a man who was for 34 years warden in a Belgian prison. He did a lot to improve the situation of the prisoners, b.o. by giving opportunities to follow courses which enabled them to work when they got free again. He Always found the right people on the right places to work out his ideas. He worked with an open door system, this means that some parts of the day the prisoners are free to move around within the four walls. Prisoners were also enabled to learn to cook and so on.
Well get to sleap now, send you a big hug and all my kind thoughts,
Little Pilgrim
i wasn't aware gays have a tougher time then straight people. Kelly, are they behaving differently in a certain way? What would be the reason behind it? Any idea?
Well,I danced with my group Nia.Maybe I am going on the search as well of a dance group of the 5 rythms: fluent dancing, staccato, chaos , lyrical and silence.The 5 rythms of life.
Baby, child, teenager, adult and elderly.The dance takes two hours and one dances separately through the wave. The cd's are going from fluid music towards the next stage, etc.
wh
A saying: 'Let's face it... at one point or another, we all feel let down by life.It's been said that it doesn't matter how many times you fall- it's how many times you get back up.'
love, Rita
If only I could give more trust in yourself, which you have already plenty off.
Lycky you have a broad mind and are intelligent enough to endure all those prejudices...
The wisdom from previous lifes?
We both have them,Kelly. ;))
I know we would get along so very well as friends, Kelly.
Gay men are known as good people.
America has d/r,-Middle Ages!!- and so many prejudices... they are so behind in many things. Mankind in general evoluate so slowly ....... :(((
In our dance classes there is at least one man.Maybe some more on other days?
Dancing is very therapeutic, as known!
Yes, we would have fun!!!
When I dance I will take you in mind, ok? :)
Do you have contact with other gay people, Kelly?? Or is this not a good idea?
In Europe my own girls told me Americans look so much to the outer side, while Europeans look to you character. They were young, but noticed so clearly!:-o
As a child i looked through a color of skin, through a language they spoke... my parents still had to learn this!
They saw a fat person, while I saw how sweet the person was and how interesting. See?
In a ciné I strained my toe lately! 3 wonderfull people helped me! Belgians are nice!The film was wonderful: Little black spiders; a Flemish film;
I bought cruches in the clinic. Leslie, a man brought me to the urgency.A woman,walking there, brought me with a wheelchair to the Pharmacy and my neighbor Jos drove me home and later drove me to my bycicle that remained at the movies.
I will give him some chocolats (pralines).
The second day i came home with my bycicle and don't need my cruches anymore! :)
I heal rapidly!!
I listen now to Luca Bloom, singer. Marvelous texts, melodies and words!!
Spoke yesterday with Martine, she is nice!
Hope you read an interesting book, Kelly?Use your time well! Martine and I are there to cheer you up! :))))
Do you have many readers on the blog, Kelly?
big hug from your friend, Rita xxx
Got your letter a few days ago!
what did you mean with flowers and sparkles? Do you have them in your room? Or in the yard?Sparkles where and what are they exactly, Kelly?
Explain me again what you meant with WIcca?At least they allow it! How many members do come? Is it there already for a long time?
Ine, didn't answer me concerning the writing with a prisoner. I know of a friend Prince, a black of 38yr? and just moved to Maryland with his wife Princess there. He most probably will choose to write to an inmate on the blog.He calls me regularly since he moved to the States to join his wife there!
besitos de Rita xxx
Thanks anyway!
x rita