A BRIEF HISTORY OF SHIRLEYWORLD - The Madness Journals
Chapter XXII

Well, in typical DOC/Shirleyworld fashion they picked the worst possible employee for the position here on the 'Lifers' Unit' in the camp (this Lifers/Long Termers' Unit is another Deputy Denied-Oh run creation, I like to call it the 'living morgue' and as such is destined to failure and abuse). That is where they offer 'peanuts' to the dying elephants in order to get them to conform to the will of the captor. (The 'peanuts' in this case are an extra TV or two, a washer/dryer and a .50c increase a day in pay they stold from me) The women guard they assigned to the block, CO Dildo, was overheard telling her 'girlfriend' that she was 'disgusted' working on this unit with 'rapists and murderers'. It's kinda like the carpenter saying he hates two by fours or the fisherman saying he is disgusted by fish. Hey Dildo, the ugly tree called and says you may have missed a branch! Now, this hateful soul looks like she was in a pie eatin' contest and someone slipped her a land mine. So I understand why she is angry, and I really feel it is not her fault. It is the fault of the guard 'culture': that this system has fostered for so many years. This system instills in its employees that the need to hate the prisoner. They teach something so far from the duty to rehabilitate that it creates problems in CO Dildo this desire to profess her hatred for her charges. The problem is that this hate that Dildo and her comrades have is injected into the hearts of these young offenders who will be returning to your streets to visit it upon you in the form of escalating violent crime. CO Dilso breaks not a bead of sweat to earn her $65,000.00 a year, but must complain that she has to 'watch' criminals. The time has come to send the CO Dilsos of the system back to the ranks of waitresses and barmaids so they can know what it means to work hard for your living. She accepts YOUR money while diminishing the safety of YOUR streets. (Dildo is not her real name but it is the name of her only friend.)

The cat is away this week and the rats are certainly playing. The Boot is off on one of her numerous tax payer vacations. Someone said she may be off to Hades to search for Deputy Denied-Oh's soul or to Antarctica to search for Lt. Whirlwind's cold-cold heart, but I don't know if that is true. The fact is that while she has been gone the movements have been late, work call has been late and the work day delayed, the oxymoronic happy hour (staff access) was late and sparesly attended with most of these lazy lard-assed suits leaning on railings with a slump in their unreceptive posture. When The Boot is there they all have to stand up straight (except for Denied-Oh as she is as crooked as a roving tent preacher) and be in a straight line to lie to you. The happy hour could be replaced by cardboard David Hasselhoff cut outs with recorded voice boxes that say things like 'I'll look into it.' 'You're next on the list.' 'Write me a letter and I'll consider it.' and other lies that are told and each and every 'Happy Hour' just to appease the prisoners these administrators hate. They want us to speak to them in person as this creates no paper trail for which they could later be held accountable for. Their lies evaporate into the heavens (where God hears and remembers them) and their promises ring deaf on the ears of depleted hope. They kill the spirit if given the chance and we would be much better served by the Hasselhoff cut-outs.

Rest assured that your streets are safer because the powers that be here at MCI Shirley have launched their new 'pass board' system. They can ignore the drug use, forgoe the homebrew, poo-poo the gang violence, and turn a blind eye to the gambling problem, as long as they know where some lost convict may be while trying his best to avoid the madness. Cops are bringing in contraband each day, cops are asleep while on duty, drunk while at the podium, and could care less about the duty to rehabilitate, but these fools felt the most important thing to do was to come up with a bunch of news passes and procedures to keep track of where men are in a place that has a huge razor-wired fence and no-man's land all around it! To hell with the purported 'understaffing'. Damn the suicide rate. Screw the men dying in the HSU! Let's make new passes! That's the ticket!! These folks are fools; their actions are criminal.

Lt. Whirlwind was on antenna patrol again this week. She went from block to block pulling antennas out of men's windows. It was a laugh to see her struggle with some and me and a couple of my friends witnessed first-hand how she gets the tough ones to come out. If she tugs on your antenna (that is not a euphemism) and has trouble getting it to come loose then she takes a good grip, locks her arms, and uses the weight of her ample arse, lowering her caboose towards the ground, and that antenna surrenders faster than Italy to the Naxis. She drops her 'bomb' and that wire pops out like steam out of Old Faithful. She also made another extensive clothesline patrol. We have requested Homeland Security to provide her with a night vision goggle system so that she can conduct stealth laundry sortees with an unrivalled vigor. We aee probably due for a covert water bottle 'black op' sometime in the near future. The safety of the public depends on this fat bottomed girl protecting it from the evils of antennas, clotheslines, and water bottles. This is the foolishness your tax dollars are paying for.

One of the best things we do here at the prison is the Family Mass. We have had five (5) very successful Family Mass offerings here at the prison and were 'promised' that we would have one every quarter. Now that Deputy Denied-Oh has gotten involved we have not had one since the winter. The Artful Dodger, our chaplain, is so afraid of Denied-Oh that he just bends over and takes it reciting the old Animal House line, 'Thank you Sir, can I have another?' The problem is that it is the religious community that suffers as a result, and more damaging our family relationships suffer. Our families look forward to these reunifying events. We certainly look forward to them and the prison volunteers look forward to them. Trust me when I tell you that this community is not going to take it from Deputy Denied-Oh like the Artful Dodger takes it. Did we give up when the Germans bombed Peal Harbor? (you can never have enough Animal House references). We will get our families involved and ask them to contact the commissioner's office as well as the Archdiocese of Boston. The good is always trampled upon in this current system while they work as hard as they can to foster the rotten. These damaged correctional souls, wearing those dingy and tarnished badges, must hide the good as it may expose their dark ways. They keep the evil alive to ensure their jobs and the biggest sin is that they have co-opted the Chaplain here and turned him into an agent of the Dark Side as well. The Artful Dodger has traded his Roman collar for the dog collar of Deputy Denied-Oh.

More to come...