Reply ID: xd8b

Wed 4-2-14

Nessa,

Thank u 4 ir encouraging one liner. It made me stop and consider some of my recent choices. And reminded me that I need to re-prioritise my schedule. As a man who was 'Born Yesterday', I find myself on the cusp of many ventured and unventured horizons.

Sometimes I feel - 'I'm nothin 2 nobody'.
Sometimes I feel - I'm everybody's everything but nobodys my anything.'

I have Jesus, but sometimes not enuff.

Called 2 minister, I struggle w/pride, ego, loneliness, lack of LOVE, impatience, lack of sleep. Ambition shouldn't be god. Am I writin 2 miniter? Or 2 say 'I'm a published author' or 2 toot my own horns? Sometimes my [?] doesn't even know. As it misappropriates time. Fid u know that time dies? It's tru, it's in the Bible, Revelation 10 verse 6.

Please,

Keep

Readin :)

TODAY Wednesday April 2nd 2014, Nessa, God is 'thinking of u'. It's tru. At 10:40am I was nudged to tell u ->

'Nessa, God is lookin 4 u'
(read it again - thank u)
[I'm just a messenger]

Moving on.

It's so cool that you found my writing interesting. Thanx. Also ur words of hope we well appreciated. :) Smile, u done good keep looking up reminds me of Psalm 121. Nessa if u r a prayin woman, please keep me in prayer 4 my soul's sake. I'm surrounded by h8, violence, greed, lust, adultery, gluttony, pride, ego, deception, envy, revenge, evil in general. Prison's 1st words is 'N--' & 'M--f---a'. It's tru. Prison rattles these words off w/out concious thought as it takes its 1st steps at 4.30am. I get up at 5.45am yet the words are still there battering my weary <3. Manhood is hard 2 look up when ur world is fall in down. All dudes 24/7 takes a toll...I don't sadden u that's not y God blessed me w/blog. :)

Oh yeah, thanx 4 visitin my blog in the 1st place. I don't remember everything I wrote in the poem plus I don't keep a copy. But I will [?] the lines I 1/2 by me. May be that'll help u follow it -

Happy New
(Now
1 less) year
in prison
dates change
release is risen

That was written 2 communicate the fact that in prison New Year doesn't come with resolutions. When confronted with 'Happy New Year' sentiment, the institutionalised reponse is 'Yeah. 1 (one) less year I gotta do in prison.' So as New Year's changes dates & brings about new calendars all us in prison look 2 is our release date. Each day in prison brings one closer 2 his date w/freedom. We are super time concious. I don't reccomend livin this way. It's truly stressful & worrisome. It's like countin down days u 1/2 left 2 live :( truly nerve wrecking. So much sometimes 2 avoid 'friends' who live that way. They cound down every day of their sentence. 'I'm on day #77 of 3555' etc - This privilege eludes me as I don't 1/2 a definitive release date yet.

balls drop
midnight 2 kiss
pen pads
& I liked it.

The custom of a midnight kiss when the ball drops is absent from this all male environment (but common sense says that this rule is broken by boys who like boys): unable 2 kiss the love of my life (she has yet 2 b found) I at midnight choose to 'kiss' 'pen pads'. Meaning on New Years 2 pour out my most intimate emotions with pen & paper. I'm a writer. Writing is the only 'woman' I'm allowed 2 b my self with. I can tell 'her' I love ur hair & the magnificent way u carry yourself w/out going to see & pushin my release date back. Yup, prison, works like that. Everytime u break a rule denial of parole is justified under the guise of 'if u can't follow rules in here, u won't follow rules out there'. But that only makes sense if u don't think about it. See nobody alive keeps every rule that exists. Most of us can't even keep our very own rules. How many times 1/2 u swore not to do that again but eventually did? Exactly. And so New Year's resolutions are never kept. Exactly.

Prison
mentally & spiritually

Prison isn't just a physical location made up of stone walls encaged behind barbwire fences. Prison is a metaphor 4 bein captured & bein forced 2 conform (or feel like u 1/2 2). Prison is a metaphor 4 depression, unhappiness etc - Prison is lack of freedom (in any area of life). A person who feels he can't be himself around certain people is in prison. A person strung out, addicted 2 alcohol, [?] etc - is in prison. The pressire 2 b bone thin & pretty places young women in prison. :( The pressure 2 b muscle bound & successful confines male youth 2 prison. A woman who messes w/the wrong guy - repeatedly, thinkin she'll never find anyone better is in prison - mentally & spiritually. God can bring 'her' out. God can bring 'him' out. Psalm 142:7 God brought me out. I fell out times but get up. :)

I'm a troop -> (2nd Samuel 22:30 :) )
accomplice less
accolates. certificates
life I miss
I live more
bein my blue portfolio
Re-hab

Being a 'troop' w/God I 1/2 no need 4 an accomplice :) that make me accompliceless. The play on words extends 2 'accomplish less'. Get it?? :) See in prison goin home is based on ur collection of program certificates & high work evaluations! When u see 'the board' u 1/2 2 bring along ur blue 3 ring biner they give u to put ur prison accolates in. But 4 me accomplishments/certificates 1/2 no weight in regards to my rehbilitation. I had 2 photo albums full of awards when I came 2 prison. I'm not lookin 4 a piece of paper to validate me - God is my re-hab (rehabilitation). That's the best living. Moses didn't 1/2 a degree in theology. :) Feel me? My rehab is solely about surrendering to God & getin a new <3 that loves God, myself & my neighbour -> Jeremiah 31:33:34.

The essence of the poem is - I put prison in prison - w/God's help of course. :)

Dear Hevenly Father God,

Thank u so much that the Christian [?] are comin back in. Thank u for the opportunity to buy subs even though I didn't partake. Thank u for the job & 4 ur [?] the path at my feet. Watch over Mindy, Jack? Nancy (both) [?] [?] [?] Karen, [?] Tanya, Lauren and Nurses in general. Father thanks 4 Nessa's kind words of encouragement. Thank u 4 leadin her 2 a blog that glorifies u. Amen God, head her back 2 u. God, speak 2 her about what u spoke through me earlier. [?] u r lookin 4 her. :) Give her a right understandin of what exactly it is u sayin 2 her <3 Amen. God help her see how great life w/u can be - 4give her sins and bless her sox off. Thanx. God I pray she gives u permission 2 show her who she is & the job u gave her 2 do. A job she can't fail at. :) Amen, cause she was created & gifted & equipped to do it. Praise God. God I pray she'll at least be moved 2 read the book of Jeremiah. Praise God. Thank u God 4 ur mercy u 1/2 heard & answered our prayer. I trust by the time she gets these words, it will speak words of affirmation, confirmation and encouragement. I can see her heart exclaiming 'how did u know' & I will reply, it wasn't me, it was God who declares the end from the beginning. :) (Issiah 46 v10) In Jesus' name I pray. Amen, God bless Nessa an today open her eyes 2 see the answer 2 a prayer she thought u ignored. Ok thanks in Jesus name I pray Amen.

PS Nessa ur god's daughter
A princess (Psalm 144:12
A woman of value and worth (Proverbs 31:10-31)
& u cannot fail at that which
u were created 2 do
Persue God's dreams 4u :)

PSS God believes in u