THE MASSACHUSETTS DEPARTMENT OF CORRECTION IS PROUD TO ANNOUNCE ITS NEWEST EMPLOYEE TRAINING PROGRAM TO BE MODELED AT MCI SHIRLEY MEDIUM
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"Department Innovative Care Keystone"
D.I.C.K
The D.I.C.K Seminars will be as follows;
SELF-HATRED AND HOW TO LIVE WITH IT
Hosted by Lt. Shameless Peckerwood/ D.I.C.K Supreme
This innovative program will detail how the biggest fool in the department lives with his mishapened head and memories of going hungry all through his school years. Hear how to cope with the dire feeling of being "less than" and see first hand how to misplace your anger on the captives in your charge.
"EVERYONE IS A TOUCH GUY"- PANIC BUTTON SAFETY
Hosted by CO head-Wig (The Angry Inch)/ D.I.C.K Cowardice
This tutorial on how to "act tough" when you have a "bitch button" on your hip will elaborate on how all guards can be tough guys when they know they can "hit the button" and 25 oxygen wasters will come to their rescue. A small portion of the seminar will focus on how to cope with the fact that you have had your ass delivered to you in 100% of your fights. This program is racially sensitive as CO Head-Wig is still attempting to figure out what race he disgraces.
NEVER LEAVE A MAN'S BEHIND- MARINE CORP PHILOSOPHY IN THE DOC
Hosted by Captain Shebert/ D.I.C.K Puke
The Illustrious Captain Shebert will explain his Marine Corp philosophy as applied in the DOC. This involves locking a fellow Marine in an "observation bubble" while he suffers with a life threatening illness, and then ordering that all of his property be taken away; even his pencil and paper. Our hero Shebert will also speak in depth on "Never Leaving A Man Behind", which he learned during his tour in the Corp (stationed "Down Under".
DRIVING VISITORS AWAY FROM PRISON/ KEEP IT A SECRET
Hosted by Lt. Urine/ D.I.C.K Trollop
Learn the most effective techniques for harassing visitors so that they refuse to return to the prison. Hear the importance of this technique and how it relates to keep the "secret" that is the waste of tax-dollars here at ShirleyWorld. A bonus segment on how to bed married men and blame the V.D. on someone else.
MORE D.I.C.K PROGRAMS TO COME !!!