Blog Post:
August 28th, 2014
Topic: Bullying and Low Self-Esteem

Like many people in America, I've been bullied before. Growing up in Chicago as a big guy, I was the laugh of every kid in grammar school. The pain only made me eat more. But what most people didn't know was being bullied at school was the least of my problems. At home, I had to endure a lot of abuse mentally, emotionally, as well as a lot physically. But the situation that messed with my head the most was my father's murder and my mother being in prison.

As children, we don't understand things that're being done to us and we don't understand why. Growing up, I thought about ending my own life, but I kept on strugglin'. I ran away from therapy and put up a brick wall against anyone who tried to help me because I trusted no one. Even though I didn't have to endure this alone because I had family who'll take care of anyone tryna bully me. But even if that happened, my pain would still be there. I would still be hurt inside.

What I've come to realize is that these feelings I pushed away using drugs, sex, and gang activity never went anywhere. They were really pushed down deep inside. Now that the things I used to hide, those feelings are gone, everything seems to be coming back to the surface, forcin' me to deal with them. Allowing help now.

See, most victims of bullying and abuse don't know how to deal with these situations. So they use drugs, gangs, crime, and prostitution along with self harm to deal with these locked away thoughts.

Conclusion: Please use the help offered to you and talk about your feelings. Because though they don't go away, they at least will be out in the open so that you can deal with them. Love yourself because seeking love from others won't help you deal with your issues. It'll only hide them longer and add new ones, until you can't handle it any longer. You have to believe that you're worth more than you let yourself believe.

By: Jabari Al-Muhamin