Late Note Monday 9/26 Early Morning Tuesday 9/27/11
I haven't written since the passing of Amy Winehouse. I've been swirling around in a miasma of madness her in the belly of the beast. I'm coming to terms with the fact that I actually bring some of the haterism I experience on myself (oh shit!) - MAN, KNOW THYSELF! -
First off, let me express my remorse 4 not having a stronger blogging ethic. I realize now that I should drop something at least every week. And that all of life's vicissitudes are worthy of notation. The ups & the downs, the curves and the swirlz. I just saw an episode of the Tavis Smiley show on PBS. After he spoke about the speech Barack Obama made 2 the National Black Caucus, he interviewed Chris Cornell, the rock singer, songwriter & frontman of Soundgarden & Audioslave. Earlier today I was singing in my cell & I spoke out loud, saying how Chris is one of my favorite singers, and how he & I both love Aretha Franklin & Ronnie James Dio. Something like that happens 2 me every day. Some kind of synchronicity/deja vu type thing. Yesterday, out of the blue, I sang "Crazy" and "Sr. Elsewhere" by Cee Lo Green. Then last nite he was on the TV show American Dad, with a bunch of new comeby songs about hot tubs.
I've been afraid of this forum because I feel like I need a guideline or more experience. I really do have some insights & opinions that I want 2 share with whoever is ready. It's risky, but such is life.
I don't want 2 complain. But I need 2 give a little background & context so U can understand where I'm coming from. U already know my story. I"m trying 2 get out of prison now. I've been doing my best 2 stay out of entanglements & bring them a clean program. But I have real grouped-up trooped-up, super-duper, cornfed haters! They work as a team, or rather in teams 2 thwart me at every turn. I'm in "the hole" right now. I had 2 leave the prison yard I was on 2 keep from getting into another fight. I had just had 1, and got a write-up for that. A 2nd write-up 4 fighting would've resulted in "C status". That means they consider u a "program failure" and make you send your T.V. home. The worst part of the equation for me is the way all of this looks to the parole board. I'm being made 2 look like a jackass.
Tuesday Nite 9/27/11
Once again I began... but before I could finish this letter I got swamped with more drama. It's now OCT. 2, 2011 a new month & a new me. I've recently come upon some insights that seem 2 show promise. I may be at the threshold of a new higher plane of existence.
I took some notes about all the bullshit that has gone down & I has going to list everything. The truth is I've been reluctant 2 tell all because as it stands, they're breaking all kinds of protocol already and I haven't done anything to cause this.
Tuesday, Oct. 4, 2011: On the day I began this letter I intended to tell u that I'm being mistreated here. The situation is complicated but I'll do my best 2 lay it out simply. I live alone in a cell. Most men live 2 in a cell. There was a false allegation of an assault in the cell back in 2005. I was found not guilty & never charged: I truly am not guilty. But they keep me on single-cell-status". Anyway. That would be fine, could be fine, but the officer that worked in the control tower let other inmates enter my cell when I wasn't there. At least 2 separate officers in building 2 and at least 1 officer in building 1 here at Mule Creek State Prison. I've tried & tried 2 take the high road & leave all things small. But what has become obvious is that the officers wanted me to get into a fight. I can only speculate about some things. But I had the fight that I mentioned earlier because I saw a guy standing in front of my cell door waving his hand 2 the officer in the control tower, The C.O. (Correctional Officer) did not open my cell door that time. But the next day when I saw the guy we got into a fight. The C.O. in the tower fired his "block" gun at us & shot the other guy in the back. That C.O. (His name is Fowler, Young, white officer) later told me that he was aiming for me. And that's what he put in his report. The reason, he said, is that I'm the bigger of the 2 of us, a bigger target anyway. I got a write-up for the fighting. (Last thing on EArth I need) about a week later that same C.O. is in the control tower. I go out to the chow hall for breakfast. When I came back in the building I saw a guy walking away from my cell door. I did not see it open. But I know he lived at the other end of the NER. And he is 1 I had bee keeping an eye on. Understand someone or someones have been entering my cell every time - most every time I leave it. I can tell because I live alone. The C.O. in the control tower (meaning he who opens the door electronically) knows who I am. So I'm not overly suspicious about my cell when he is on duty. I've spoken 2 him about the problem I had with the other C.. who repeatedly opened my door when others were in front of my door. But would leave me standing there 4 the longest when I was trying 2 get in. His name is SHECKNER or something like that. So I'm - at the time- trying hard 2 believe that this C.O. Fowler wouldn't be playing any silly games.
But the guy I saw walking away from my cell door, who has to call 2 even be in the area & who I'd already been wary of made a big production of acting guilty while denying that he was even on that side of the tier. He didn't know that I'd actually seen him. I didn't want 2 fall into this trap that I could plainly see. Another fight would be disastrous. On this particular day, the next-door neighbor happened 2 have stayed back from broadcast. He was in his cell when I came in. After seeing the other guy walking away looking guilty I asked the neighbor if he heard my door open. He said it had just now closed before I approached his door. That guy walking away from the door was the only person on the tier. The neighbor was situated to where he couldn't see but he could hear. The guy that C.O. Fowler let in my cell is white.
I had already been trying 2 talk 2 a lieutenant but he wouldn't talk 2 me. I'd already written requests 2 speak with the captain - 2 no avail. The so-called "counselor I had also couldn't give a rat's ass.
There has been a lot of behind the scenes shenanigans since I left R.J. Donovan. That's a prison in San Diego where a lot of this current madness began. Constant lies, and plots, and set-ups & fights. I'm just trying 2 stay out of trouble.
I'm in "the hole" right now. And here there's this same kind of adolescent, bullshit going on. I have 2 admit that I thought I was sharper than I was. All this time 0 since 2005 when I stopped smoking & my voice got great - I didn't realize that my singing in the cell caused people to hate me. I would say "haters" and use the word to describe what I was going thru but I didn't comprehend the dynamics of it. I think I've been kept so busy dealing with 1 little crisis after another that I haven't had time to process information.
I hate that I even had to write all of this crap down. It sounds crazy. But I now understand what was escaping me until now. See, I'm a really good dude. I don't bother nobody. I'm not involved in anything. I've been in prison for 21 years: no staff assaults, no alcohol, no drugs, no stabbings, no sex charges - it was alleged but disproven, it was never true. I have one strike against me - the case I'm incarcerated for. And that should've been (in)voluntary-manslaughter. But I was railroaded in court.
I really should've been out of prison long ago. Bt I couldn't afford a lawyer. Now I see a few things on the horizon & it really looks -to me- like I will get out of prison. Simultaneously my songwriting skills just seem like magic all of a sudden. And think about how you would act if one day you could sound exactly like Luther Vandross, and most of the greatest hits, blues, rock, and jazz singers of all time? I didn't say I was the most modest :) but it's true. So, ok here's the trouble! They keep me in a cell by myself because of a lie a guy told. They charged him with "false accusations"! So in my head, I'm thinking it's because they love to hear me sing. This may or may not be so. But because my singing ability isn't something I always have, I didn't know what a powerful & dangerous thing it was. I didn't understand how it makes the other guys feel. But it's not just the inmates. People will love to hear a great voice then hate you for having it. And it's a thing they'll never admit to you. So they create something else.
This is part & parcel of the mischief that's been dogging my steps. I couldn't explain to my family why I can't seem to program in one space without attracting life's left hooks. I finally heard it from a reputable source. And the info is salve to my soul. It's lotion for the dried out sole of my psyche. And here it is:
I came across an except from Robber Greene's "The 48 Laws of Power." In a chapter entitled "Never appear too perfect," he says that when you display a great natural talent, especially in a setting where people are supposed to have equality and individual displays of power are frowned upon, envy is stirred-up and people will work together to bring you down. That chapter describes what has happened to me better than I could've said it myself. The devil is in the details. I really love rock & roll, and country music as much as I do RTB. I sing all kinds of stuff when I'm on. In the book, he specifically talks about what will happen if you show versatility in your art or talent. So, since 2005 I've been singing all these varied kinds of music thinking it impressed people with my skullz But it really creates silent enemies. And I could never understand why no one would ever tell me why, or what's really going on, or something that made sense. Robert Greene says "Envy is the one condition of the soul that no one will admit to." But I'm also very spiritual & I try to do right. The Holy Quest describes this kind of treatment as happening to all messengers, prophets & to some people in the life of all people or God. So I thought that was why. Greene's book says they'll put secret obstacles in your way & set you up for failure. But they'll either lie on you & create a reason or pick a little thing that really amounts to nothing & just say that it does. That's been my life these last six years especially. Because they'll never admit that they envy you.
I'm here in "the hole" at mule creek. I haven't done anything to anybody. I just wanna be allowed to program. I shouldn't have to worry about a C.O. letting others come into my cell when I'm away because they think that I think too highly of myself. Most things are motivated by money. If I had any money I'd have a good attorney get me out of here.
I'm sure that one way or another this will all come to a better way. I am confident that I will make appropriate changes in the way I do me so that - as best I am able - I'll not be the cause of the discord. I've got so much I want to talk about and so much I want to do. It's a shame that I've been hampered so much. I guess that's what it means when they say someone cramps your style.
Right now I'm out of paper. But I'll get some and be all over this in a day or so. Briefly, let me say that I'm proud of all the protesters in New York City. It really is about time. The protests should remain peaceful, but diligent. The grouping of so many different disaffected peoples is a joy to behold. There were many times in recent years that I felt people should've taken to the streets. I truly believe that the people united will never be defeated.
In summary: I got into some trouble on the yard I was on. Part of the problem is that officers provided access to my cell for other inmates. This was a part of a trap. I couldn't get a conversation with anyone in authority about it. Now I'm in "the hole" and this institution is saying that there is just one place I can be transferred to. And I know that I can't program there. I've been in "the hole" since 7-13-2011 and no one has even interviewed me.
I'm trying to remain trouble-free. Never has a staff assault. I'm not suicidal. In 21 years no weapons, no drugs, no alcohol charges. I'm just being "hated on".
Hey, thanks for reading this.
Please post comments & questions

Love & light
Diamond Z