SHIRLEYWORLD UPDATES
"Let The Bullets Fly!"
Chapter XV
by Timothy J. Muise
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-MCI SHIRLEY BANS LIBRARIANS/HIRES COPY CZAR

It seems that keeping a Librarian at MCI Shirley is as hard as a Kardashian keeping her virginity. Deputy Denied-Oh has driven the last two out like St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland. Her genius has shone through the madness though as she has now been hired by the facility to be the "Copy Czar" and I am certain there is a little more bile deposited in her account at the end of the week. You see, in prison, if you want access to the courts, to stop abuse, you must go through the Librarian to get legal copies. Most prison librarians are sub-par book minders, but they at least know that a "lawyer letter' constitutes a "legal document". Here our "heavy-in-the-stern" Copy Czar refuses to copy such legal documents. There is a very real method to her madness as she knows that as the "Chief Abuser" many of these letters are concerning her. She now has the power to stop them (or so she thinks) and what a better position to stop your malfeasance from being exposed than being the "gatekeeper" of legal copes. Of course Rubber Stamp Wry-On ahs "Rubber Stamped" Deputy Denied-Oh's actions, but the final chapter has not been told as the Free Speech Warrior is preparing to take the matter before the Superior Court. We will keep you updated as to when we strip the tiara off the Copy Czar.

-SHIRLEYWORLD "PASSES" AUDIT/FOX CLEARED OFF KILLING IN THE CHICKEN COOP

The "Lipstick on The Pig" efforts of the past few weeks here at ShirleyWorld resulted in the shithole "passing" the "audit". What a real shocker. Could the fix have been in? Probably a great chance of that, as much chance as Deputy Denied-Oh sporting her beach flip-flops around the prison (and that's a damn good chance), as the "audit" of the DOC was conducted by the DOC! I am also happy to report that the Red Fox has cleared the Gray Fox of killin' in the chicken coop, Al Queda ahs cleared Mohamed Atta of the 9-11 terrorism, and ISIS has cleared ISIS of the beheading of journalist Foley. Here at the medium security shithole they shined the shinola, they buffed the death paths, and they scrubbed the blood off their hands. Of course Himmler cleared Hitler of any wrongdoing and Goebels have an award to Eichmann for his diligence. I'm certain Rubber Stamp Wry-On will get her "award" as well as the floors were so shiny Deputy Denied-Oh could see the reflection of her ample caboose in them. Men were still mistreated by CO Hands-Of-Sin in the HSU. Lt. McHardly still slept in the School Office and called the movements late. The Mighty Midget still went on ID patrol and hundreds of men were released from the "Reentry Programs" to the Pine Street Inn with just enough money in their pockets to get high; but ShirleyWorld passed the "audit". AUDIT THIS YOU FOOLS!

-HSU VICTIM TAKIN' IT TO DEPUTY DENIED-OH/ABUSE RAMPED UP

One of the wheelchair bound prisoners in the HSU, who these idiots thought was helpless, has been takin' the fight to Deputy Denied-Oh and her minions up in the "sniff". The smell of death still permeates that area, but good ole Fee-Ju has been kickin' some real ass as far as the abuse he has been subjected to is concerned. He has some very skilled lawyers on the case and they are going to make this shithole change how they ru things up there. As usual, and par for the course, the DOC tried to submit some propaganda to the court (it went over like a "Lead Zeppelin")and Deputy Denied-Oh herself filed a false affidavit (which I personally hope comes back to haunt her). They lock these sick men away up in the "sniff" and keep all their friends away from them. They hate it when one of us gets "Power of Attorney" for these men and then contacts various advocacy agencies about the daily abuse. Fee-Ju is givin' em' all they can take and I hope he makes it through the ordeal as when you start you sometimes fall victim to a "medical emergency". You might commit suicide with your hands taped behind your back. Its been know to happen. Pray that Fee-Ju is safe while he boots the large arse of the "sniff" She Devil!

-CAPTAIN SHEBERT DESICRATES PROTESTANT "FAMILY SERVICES"

The Protestant Community here held their family service this past Saturday and this real piece of human fecal matter, Captain Shebert, did all he could to destroy this event. No only did he ensure that his minions in control (probably that Whore of Babylon, Lt. Urine) delayed the entry of the guests, family and friends, but he also forced his oxygen wasting guard force to confiscate men's shirts which had "long sleeves" turned into "short sleeves". They sell us "sewing kits" and then when we use them they "confiscate" the clothing' that is the DOC in a nut shell, an abusive machine of foolishness which does nothing but perpetuate jobs for the future fools like Captain Shebert. Men are looking into this threat to public safety's Marine background. A decorated Marine Combat Veteran here (he was awarded the "Bronze Star" with Battle "V" for Valor as well as the "Purple Heart") smells something fishy about this real fool. My friend knows how Marines act. When one Marine tells another that he served in his same division (let's say First Battalion, First Marines) they always talk about the "when, where's, and how's." But when a Marine claims to have served in such a division and avoids any discussion about it, you can be sure that "something is rotten in the state of Denmark." We will let you know what we find out??? For now we will do what we can to help our Protestant brothers raise can over what happened at their service.

-LT. PECKERWOOD ACCEPTS NEW APPOINTMENT: UNION VERY HAPPY

We are very happy to report that Lt. Shameless Peckerwood has received a new appointment from the DOC and the guards union is very pleased. Lt. Peckerwood is now the "You Don't Wanna Be That Guy" virtual training dummy for the new recruits seeking jobs as oxygen wasters. They have a computer program which simulates Shameless's misshapen head and stork like body while recreating actual situations Peckerwood has been involved in. The "virtual" Peckerwood is seen getting bitched slapped by Sgt. Messy-Her, and the screen reads "You Don't Wanna Be That Guy!" It shows him pissing dirty for the State Police (they had to "blow up" the image) and the screen reads, "You Don't Wanna Be That Guy!" A computer image in the parking lot shows Shameless' car getting hit and him "bitchin' up" when he confronts the other driver, and then pans to his telling rookies how he "woulda, shoulda, coulda with the screen reading, "You Don't Wanna Be That Guy!" The guards union (MCOFU) applauds this new virtual training program as even they know Lt. Peckerwood is a fool. Union spokesman Ben Sleeping said, "We got some real interbreds working in the rank and file, but Shameless really makes us all look bad." Lt. Peckerwood could not be reached for comment as he was resting peacefully "on the tip" of Provincetown.

-NEW COMMISSIONER APPOINTED/ESTROGEN FUELS THE FIRE ONCE AGAIN

It has been reported that a new commissioner has been appointed by Governor "turn and run" Patrick. We hear it is Care-All Wiggins who used to work in the Programming Section; it is kinda like saying Dr. Josef Mengele worked in "Medical". Now I don't want to be too harsh on the new lass, but she is cut from the same cloth as all these merchants of death. I was hoping old "Turn and Run" would have sought someone with a real "rehabilitation" background from out of state, but of course our super coward of a Governor promoted from within; he chose to put someone who has been part of the problem at the helm. It is like the White Star line making the navigator of the Titanic the Captain of its new flagship. Ms. Wiggins is probably better than old Mr. Nepotism himself, Tommy Dicks-Out, but you cannot make members of this Ship of Fools the Captain and expect anything good to happen. It just goes to support the fact that his DOC is just a jobs program for folks to suck off the teat of the state. Your hard earned money is getting flushed down the correctional toilet by these layabouts and the propaganda machine rolls on. Care-All Wiggins is cut from the same mold. The new DOC motto is borrowed from Dante: "Abandon all hope ye who enter here!"

More To Come...