SHIRLEYWORLD UPDATES
Let The Bullets Fly!"
Chapter XXXXIII
By Timothy J. Muise
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DIE HERBIE. DIE! DEPUTY DENIED-OH'S PAIN MANAGEMENT CLINIC

Our Beach Shoe clad Field Marshall of our own "Death Chamber". The
Skilled Nursing Facility. Or "Sniff" {smells like death. Don't it?).
Made another classic compassionate release decision: she let poor old
Herbie Earl die doubled over in pain rather than afford him the transfer
to the Shattuck Hospital‘s End of Life Unit as he had requested. Deputy
Denied-Oh conned poor old Herbie into believing she was helping him.
while in the background she was screaming. "Die Herbie. Die!" Let me prove
this to you. You see Deputy Denied was wearing both the hat of "Harden of
Classification" and "Harden of the Sniff" when Herbie. In the and stages
of painful cancer. Asked her for a transfer to the end of life unit. In a
classic con game the Warden responded. "I'll write a letter for you.". When
all she really had to do was pick up the phone. Under these two hats I
described previously. And asked to have Herbie transferred. Instead she
chose to lie to the dying old man and force him to die with inadequate
pain management. Herbie was writhing in pain each day and the Denied-Oh's‘s
of the world thought he may be faking; if you could have seen his cancer
riddled body you would hate these bastards as much as I do. Find forgive
them. Deputy Denied-Oh left Herbie in that Sniff bed. Suffering in pain.
while laughing as she "wrote his a letter" which was like Hitler "checking
the water temperature" of the showers at Dachau. You can smell the flesh
burning here as well. Herbie. As weak as he was. Reached out to me for
help. He asked me to try to get him moved to the end of life unit. I told
him I had very little power but I would do what I could. How could I refuse
a dying man's request? I could not "Denied-Oh" him. I wrote to Deputy
Commissioner Tommy Dick‘s-out on April 8. 2015. The same day Herbie asked
for my help. On April 16. 2015. Tommy's sister. Kelly "Rubber Stamp" Wry-On.
wrote me back in response. "I thank you for your concern. As you are aware.
inmate Earl is receiving 24h hour medical care." Less than 24 hours later.
on April 17. 2015. Herbert Earl died. Writhing in pain. In that same blood
stained bed in Deputy Denied-oh's Sniff. He never saw the end of life unit
but he did see the end of life. These are the daily cruelties of ShirleyWorld This is the daily Evil of ShirleyWorld. This is the "I'll write you
a letter."I con game of Deputy Denied-Oh. As she shines this years Beach
Shoes to tread about the "dangerous" prison with. Men in her Sniff must waft
that smell of death each day. May the ghost of Herbie Earl haunt her peace.
May the ghost of Lefty Gilday torment her rest. May God forgive her.

PASSIVE/AGGRESSIVE MAILROOM STAFF SEEKS "CORRECTIONAL PURPLE HEART"

The Elite Mailroom Staff here at Shirleyworld have submitted a petition
to our new Govener Charlie Bake-Her I requesting that they all he awarded
the "Correctional Purple Heart" for the injuries to their ego which they
receive each time a prisoner submits a complaint about their malfeasance.
In her infinite wisdom, and under her absolute power. Our Queen of Deep Woods
Corrections Kelly "Rubber Stamp" Wry-On, assigns guards with only
the deepest of passive/aggressive issues. They murmur, "You complain
about us only delivering one piece of mail to a unit with 95 prisoners
(impossible). We staple through your photos." "You tell the deputy we slept
On Bunker Hill day. We toss a dozen of your photo's in the trash." "You
complain that we ripped your card from your dying mother and we keep
your Golk Weekly or Marine Corp. Times magazines." That’s how they do it
out there in the ShirleyWorld mailroom. I wonder when they are in the
bar. Possibly at the "Manhole" or "Purple Helmet Lounge", if they let them
Know. When they drunkenly profess "Walkin' the toughest beat in the state.".
that there job is really sorting cards and letters like a bitch with a
badge? 1 doubt it. I*m sure they talk about this one's crime or that one's
D-report. While trying to raise themselves up while putting others down.
Sort the letters boys and buy some Prozac for the passive/aggressive issues.
Where I am from you would go on a "one way fishin trip" or accidentally get
"hit by the crane" on the dock, but in here you get away with it as
you are hidden in the "mailroom" and have a "panic button" on your side.
You know the mail is our "Free Speech" vehicle and it irks you that we can
speak out. Well tough shit. He will place stamps upon your passive/aggressive
Cowards envelope and mail your hitch button/panic button ass out of this
hideout in the woods. Tough guys who have never won a fight. Warriors who
never fought a war. You all sure do deserve that Correctional Purple Heart
as you are most definitely mentally wounded. "Hey mailroom staff. Life
called and it misses you!"

BANISHED GUARD WHALE-HE PLANS TO "TONYA HARDInG/JEFF GALOOLY LT. URINE

The crack investigative staff here have uncovered a plot to visit
Ice Palace Mayhem upon our own Lt. Kim Urine. The details reveal that
the Nordic Goddess who was banned from the prison for showing a booby or
two and bringing in "bikini" photo's to some African American "pimps", CO
Whale-He.,has placed the blame for her banishment upon Lt. Urine. CO
Whale-He was planning a Jeff Galooly/Tonya Harding type attack upon our
own dark version of Nancy Kerrigan. CO Whale-He and her co-conspirator
Allah Rachman Yusef Houssain planned to slip into the skating rink,
wearing matching burkas. and "pipe" Lt. Urine in the knee. This plan would
have potentially put a damper en Lt. Urine*a extra "correctional" activities
with married men and certainly could have impacted her ability to "assume
the position" as Bill used to say to Monika. As Lt. Urine practiced her
Hamel Camel's and Triple axles the Nordic Goddess was picking the right
pipe for the job. Many in the investigative squad wanted to wait until
after the assault to make arrests as there were beta placed an whether
Lt. Urine would mimic the Nancy Kerrigan lines, "Why?. Why?. Why?". But
my money would be on her shouting. "how can I pick up Mugsy's child
support checks!” When Superintendent Kelly Rubber Stamp Wry-On learned
at Lt. Urine's figure skating skills she suggested that possibly next
winter they could have the King of Walks and Grounds flood the roads round the outside perimeter and Lt. Urine could skate around the area
when she is assigned to "fence check duty". She would look like Hans
Christian Andersen with a plump ass skating along the Dyke's of Amsterdam.
(She may have "skated" a few Dyke's here in the good ole U.S. of A. As
well!]. Captain Shebert. Who had ordered CO Whale-He to be "pat searched"
by a light-loafered male guard these many months ago, which ultimately
resulted in the layabout guard squad turning against CO whale-He. They
found her "fitness photos" (and I must admit she looked fit) in a
brother's cell and heard the stories that she may expose a mammary from
time to time, and Captain Shebert, who had stalked her like he was from
"Stalk" Bridge. Massachusetts (only to have each advance rebuffed}. Had
his guys go after her; and just like all guards here at ShirleyWorld
there is always dirt to be found. I think she was just looking for a
pleasing pounding" and that don't make her a bad girl, but I have zero
sympathy for anyone who chooses to wear the tarnished badge of the
prison guard. Lt. Urine dodged a bullet and this will please the guys
at the Emerald Isle and Moynahans. She can skate. play tonsil hockey.
and plate the Cuffs on a clothesline offender in a flash. Which makes
her a "triple threat" (to public safety).

MEMORIAL SERVICE TO BE HELD FDR SHIRLEYWORLD OWLS/ WE GIVE A "HOOT"

Sad days are upon us. Deputy G. McCan't he McCan't find enough
foolish policies to enforce) has ordered the eradication of our fine
feathered owl decoys here (as a result they have placed the King of
Walks and Grounds on suicide watch). It is rumored that some of our
resident pigeons will act as pall-bearers at the Memorial Service.
Kelly "Rubber Stamp" Wry-On has booked Rock Superstar Steve Miller to
sing his hit "Fly Like An Eagle" at the service as well. The men here
will surely mourn the loss of these ShirleyWorld Mascots and now we will
have to hope that the Penguin Decoys ordered to keep the Wild Turkeys
away from the perimeter (while also working to keep the Wild Turkey -
101 Proof - away from the king of Walks and Grounds} can take the place
of the owls as our anti-recidivism inspiration. Who says they "don't
give a hoot" here at ShirleyWorld? Men leave the prison guided to the
Pine Street Inn as their "re-entry plan" and they have time to install
owl decoys on the housing units. You cannot make this shit up and the
truth is stranger than fiction. You may not learn a trade or get an
education here but you will get a fine lesson in not feeding the birds.
ShirleyWorld logic personified!

more to follow ...