10/14/11
God Says: Let Him Make It
I'm so angry and I'm so hurt that I can't see past my pain. I can't see God in my life because I'm wounded deep in my soul. I'm trying to hear him through.
As I sit here listening to the pastor preach over Matthew Chapter 5:38-39, I hear God speaking to my heart saying let Him make it. My flesh doesn't want to. My flesh wants you, James. To hurt like I hurt.
I am questioning God, His Word, and everything else Him. I'm hurting to the depths of my soul. I took and exalted you first and foremost in my life, sometimes even before my God, because I seen no other way to keep you. I love you.
I hate the hurt I am feeling, and no one can possibly heal it. Only God can start to heal me, but I've got to let him.
God knows the me I used to be and how it would set out to hurt anyone who hurt me. I don't give my trust too freely, especially when it comes to my heart. I give only once chance to do me and when it happens, I plot to do back to them worse than they done to me. Yet God said to me last night, "Let Him MAKE IT!"
It's hard to do. It doesn't seem fair at all. But love was never said to be fair. Guess I'll just have to trust God and let him make it.
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