SHIRLEYWORLD UPDATES
"Let The Bullets Fly!"
Chapter XXXXVI

by Timothy J. Muise

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- SHIRLEYWORLD "IVORY TOWER CONCERT SERIES" MOVED TO CLINTON DAM

The Town of Clinton, home to some of the real corruptional heros here
at ShrileyWorld, has bestowed a great honor upon this gulag by allowing
Rubber Stamp Wry-On's "Ivory Tower Concert Series" to be moved to the top
of the Clinton Dam in Honor of Corruptional Staff Depreciation Day. This
one-time event will feature top name acts who will blare their tunes from
Deputy Denied-Oh's top-of-the-line (welfare line) music program equipment
out into the Village of Clinton wilds. The Main Act booked for the event
is The Australian Pink Floyd which Ms. Wry-On felt was quite appropriate
as Australia used to be a Prison Colony. They will play the Pink Floyd
hits "Pigs" and "Pigs On The Wing". In honor of Sgt. Bitch they will also
do a "sobering" rendition of "Comfortably Numb". We also have the Friends
Of Distinction booked who will sing their mega-hit "Grazing in the Green
Grass" in dual honor of the Scum King of Walks & Grounds and all the
convicts smoking the "Hippy Weed" down the DEF Side of the prison. Also
scheduled to appear is the Etta James impersonator "GID Chucky" who will
belt out Ms. James' number one chart toper "Prisoner Of Love" in honor
of Lt. Urine's insatiblae heart. Comic song genius Ray Stevans is also
booked to sing his hits "Ahab The Arab" for the death penalty chances of
the Boston Marathon Bomber and "Bridget The Midget" in honor of Sgt. Young-
Un. The cost of these acts will be covered by the blood money donations made
to the "Jack Daniels Wellness Fund" which was negotiated into the Union
Dues at the last contract talks. MCOFU Spokeperson Neverpassedupadrink
Slate-Fairy was quoted. "These concerts motivate us to beat handcuffed
prisoners, break the elderly's headphones, and abuse bed-ridden dementia
patients; in other words they are great for morale. We would like to thank
Superintendent Wry-On for being so considerate. "The Town of Clinton will
also be presenting Lt. Shameless Peckerhead with the "Key To The Public
Baths", as they have heard he does much of his date shopping therin. "I
don't get too much action off of www.I'm-a-bottom.com and have much better
luck in the bathouses and rest areas around the state." , Peckerhead was
quoted as saying. The Town did though reject a proposal by CO Hasbeen to
have all the male guards who viewed her photoshopped packed-orifice photo
that was passed around the camp lay at the bottom of the Dam while the
floods gates were opened to wash away their sins. The Town backed up its
rejection by stating that there was not enough water in the water supply
to wash away the sins of these fine corruptional employees. As a consolation
the town will fund a Hot Dog Eating Contest - no chew/eat long way rules -
with the first prize being a all expenses paid trip to Lt. Urine's Dungeon.

-DUE PROCESS BE DAMNED - RECYCLING AT MCI SHIRLEY - WOODSY OWL

When Rubber Stamp Wry-On received the Federal Declaration that all
gulags should engage in "recycling" efforts in an attempt to leave a
smaller carbon footprint she obviously was confused. This declaration,
in the spirit of Woodsy Owl's "Give A Hoot - Don't Polute" campaign, was
about the recycling of paper products and metals, but Ms. Wry-On took it
to mean it was another opportunity to abuse prisoners and create more
hopelessness at the prison. Now we know her affinity for owls as she was

ShirleyWorld Updates Timothy J. Muise
Chapter XXXXVI
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the one who had to ultimately approve the fine feathered owl decoys we
had here at the prison, who were eventually released to a free-range
owl farm, but this time she misunderstood that "Owl Wisdom" that she
had relied upon in the past. She immediately issued a "memo" which
attempts to ratify the stripping of due process. She wants to give her
unit team staff the authority to circumvent the disciplinary process,
and its due process protections, while also circumventing state and
federal law in allowing her three (3) Unit Team Sergeants (that's right
"three". Can anyone remember when there were only three sergeants working
in the entire prison on a shift? You would have to have an abacus to count
them now!) to just visit punishment upon a prisoner for "alleged" disciplinary
infractions without the benefit of due process. Now, under Ms. Wry-On's
scheme (and a "scheme" it is) they can forego the disciplinary process and
just act as "judge, jury, and executioner" on the spot. This is why her
prison is such a failure. This is why dozens of men are "high on the tits"
here each day. This is why "gallons of homebrew" are consumed each day on
her watch. This is why men resort to her "sanctioned casinos" each day
rather than work toward self-realization. The gulag is the epitomy of
failure and Ms. Wry-On, with her 31 years of correctional Wise Owl Wisdom,
affords her guards more ways to abuse prisoners. She is out of touch with
any reasonable definition of modern corrections, has been nacked off by
her subordinates refusal to heed her orders, and has now just decided to
take the path of least resistance throwing any hope for real rehabilitation
out the window. The truth always seems to reveal its ugly head with time
just like the rest of her ilk; push the wheelbarrel up to the bank and
collect your blood money; public safety be damned. How can one sleep at
night knowing your cut from the same cloth as Sgt. Bitch, Lt. Peckerhead,
Lt. Urine and CO Scumlafia? Wouldn't you want to distinguish yourself from
those social pariahs? Maybe Seconal or Ambien can bring good sleep; maybe
not. Kick of your Prada pumps, swallow a red capsule, and dream of owls
hovering above the Ivory Tower. Blood stains the dorms of your HSU and
excrement flows through all of your gulag blocks!

- CORRUPTIONAL APPRECIATION AWARDS ARE IN / WINNERS ANNOUNCED

This year's "Corruptional Appreciation Awards", the Scammies, are
in and the winners are;

-Most "Boobage" Shown: CO Kerri Swiller (currently under investigation)
-Driest Drunk: CO Scumlafia - King of Walks & Grounds
-Most "Confirmed Kills": Deputy Denied-oh - Manager of SNF/HSU
-Rock Hudson "Closet Award": Lt. Shameless Peckerhead
-Lollipop Kids ID Task Force Cup: Sgt. Young-Un
-Woodsy Owl/Greenpeace Carbon Footprint Trophy: Deputy McCan't

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ShirleyWorld Updates Timothy J. Muise
Chapter XXXXVI
Page 3.

-Must Be Jelly Cause Jam don't Shake Like that! Award: CO E. Push-hard
-I Trust this addresses your concerns/Cole Hahn Pump Award: Kelly Wry-On

There were also many honorable mentions; LT. McHardly: Drunken Nap Taking
award. Lt. Pepe La Douche: Abuse of the Elderly Medal. Sgt. Bitch: Eating
Away from the Inside Out Award. Most likely to Cry Rape = Lt. Urine. Most
likely to commit adultery- Principal Ho-Hum. And Most Likely to Kill a Bear
and then Kill a Beer: CO Twiggy Birds-Eye. Congratulations to all this year's
winners!

-DEPUTY DENIED-OH WINS CORRECTIONS MONTHLY MAGAZINE "FEMINIST OF THE YEAR"

The blood soaked pages of Corrections Monthly Magazine bestowed a deep
honor upon our three decade purveyor of decadence Deputy K. Denied-Oh by
naming her "Feminist Of The Year". The award states; "Warden Denied-Oh has
proven through her abuse, disdain, arrogance, and above-the-law operating
procedures than women can be just as abusive and power-mad as men and this,
to our readers, is the clearest definition of "feminism" that we could
detail for a blood thirsty readership. All Hail the Queen of Mean!" It was
also reported that Gloria Steinem puked all over the latest copy of Ms.
Magazine she was editing when she heard the news! Our sources say that
Deputy Denied-Oh has proposed a "Colosseum Type Crowd" be assembled for her
SNF/ADL/HSU which could give her "thumbs up" or "thumbs down" cheers for
the dying men under her care. Where is our Brutus?

"I've got to get back to my hotel room,
where I have a date with Boticelli's niece.
She promised to be there with me,
when I paint my masterpiece!"

Robert Zimmerman
(Bob Dylan)

More To Come...

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