THE NORFOLK CHRONICLES

by Timothy J. Muise
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- THE GREENCHICKENHEAD TO TAKE DUAL DUTY AS RECREATION COACH

Due to the fact that the NorfolkWorld gym is down to only three "Red Shirt" tarnished badge wearers, and top coach "Janey's Got a Gun" believes he is immune to any real labor, the Human Resources Division (or the Hog Troth) has decided to have our illustrious Food Services Director, "The Green Chickenhead" pull double-duty as "slop tosser" and "athletic supporter" by taking on a few shifts down the gym. We hear they will be playing some new sports down there; like hide the turkey salami, naked GID jello wrestling, and a hot dog eating contest with hands tied behind your back and no chewing allowed. The Head says that he learned these games when he was in the Navy and they have stuck with him all these years. The Head will also be using his rape whistle to referee a few games of Transgender Handball while Janey's Got a Gun puts his feet up on the counter and dreams of Starsky and Hutch and Mod Squad reruns. This place could not find a better duo of passive/aggressive con haters if they tried (unless they paired one of them with Reese The Fleece).

- SCARY SHERRY MEDUSA TO RECEIVE "STEVIE WONDER" DRIVING AWARD

It has been brought to the attention of Free Speech Central that our infamous "acting" deputy (emphasis on the acting), Scary Sherry Medusa, will be receiving an award from The Corruptional Recognition and Public Policy Association (CRAPPA) for her unrelenting navigation of the prison ship towards the rocks of recidivism and increased crime rates. Scary Sherry will receive the "Stevie Wonder Driving Award", made by MassCorr workers with no welding certificates. The award also comes with a $5,000.00 gift certificate to Pets Are Us where our fine feathered deputy can purchase a lifetime supply of snake food. There was a plan to have her give an acceptance speech, but it has been scrapped as it was feared that she would screw up the many Trumpisms she planned to use.

- NORFOLKWORLD RAISES THE WHITE FLAG / THE DRUGS WIN!

Deputy Superintendent Tee Bone has announced that instead of raising a POW/MIA flag with Old Glory on the pole out front of the Gate House, that the facility will now raise a pure White Flag in recognition of the fact that they have surrendered in the war on drugs here at the prison. Tee Bone and the Brain Trust have come to the conclusion that if you can't treat the diseased drug users then you need to lock-em-up in the 8 Block and toss away the key. Bill Wilson of A.A. is rolling in his grave. If the IPS weren't so busy retaliating against Free Speech possibly they could catch the long-standing oinker who has been bringing in the suboxone. Guess they just ain't interested in that.

More To Come...