Letter to Lady k #1
April 9th 2017

Song: In Case You Didn't Know
Singer: Brett Young

Dear Lady K,

Hello there stranger! What's going on with you? I hope you're enjoying yourself where you are. I can tell you that I sure do miss you!

So, here I am, writing you because I need to. You once told me, right after we first met, that you don't play games, that if you wanted to play games, you'd stay home and play monopoly. That was after I told you that I don't play games myself. Between then and now, a lot has happened with me. I have done a lot of soul searching and dealing with my nightmares from the past, ones I haven't told you or anyone about yet. But one thing is for sure Lady K, is that I told you I would never bullshit you.

I have already told you that I owe you a 'Life Debt," because you gave me back my hope and the will to fight for what I want. You gave me hope that I am worth the work to fix myself. You basically gave me back my life. When I told you some things from my past, you didn't run screaming away from me, but instead told me always to heal myself, ways to become a better me. You never even blinked... You remained steadfast and true. I will uphold that debt I owe you Lady K. that is a vow on my mother's memory.

And now I think I owe you the same honesty back.

You and I both know Lady K., that I have been hiding what I really want to say from you. Of course there are several reasons for this that you and I both know about. Yet I can no longer bite my tongue because it is driving me crazy. I all ready wrote you about my discovery of my past friendship, and I hope you read that letter, because it is true. The difference is though Lady K., is you. I have lived 40 years, and haven't let myself have any real friends since I was 13 years old. I was afride of rejection I would get if they ever found out the real me. I had been rejected enough that I refuse to get close to people just so I could have friends... And so I've been alone all this time. To be honest, I don't know how to be friends because I have tried so hard not to be one all my life. Yet you make me want to change and be a great friend.

Every day when I wake up, I think about what I could do to make you smile or to hear you laugh. When I get to see or hear those, I hold them close and cherish them, because they are real. I picture them over and over because they brighten my world, especially if I am the cause of them. I just sit here sometimes and try to think of new things I could do just to make you smile and laugh, and my only reward that I want is to see that smile, hear you laugh or make a witty comment in response. Like you told me one time, you enjoyed out witty banter. If you only knew how much I cherish those moments... and miss them.

I have never had a problem going after something I wanted Lady K.. If I seen something, and it caught my interest, nothing would stop me from going for it... Until you came along... And then I get all tongue tied and nervous and scared of the consequences, and possibly letting a great friendship slip away. I can no longer let that happen.

I respect and admire you so much Lady K., That I desire your friendship. I know you know what it is to be a friend. You have heard about some of the real me, and you didn't shy away. When I did admit to having a certain addiction, you told me to go to the program that I must go to if I make parole, and use it to get help for that addiction. You told me how to do this and to keep myself intact, but you didn't turn your back on me or look down at me either. There was that time you were mad at me. and I could tell, when you were told that I was threatening suicide, when I wasn't. I could tell you were mad, just by your expression. And when I cut myself, I know I let you down too, Lady K., And what hurts worse, for me, is I know I let you down. Especially after all we had talked about.

Here are some lyrics to the song I put at the top of this letter, and its how I feel:

I can't count the times
I almost said what's on my mind
But I didn't
Just the other day
I wrote down all the things I'd say
But I couldn't
I just couldn't
Baby, I know you've been wondering
Mmm, so here goes nothing

In case you didn't know
Baby I'm crazy bout you
And I would be lying if I said
That I could live this life without you
Even though I don't tell you all this time
You had my heart long long time ago
In case you didn't know
'
Lady K., you and I talked about boundaries, It really doesn't matter what I want, because its up to you to choose if you'll be my friend... But I will always be yours if you want it. I will always try to make you smile and laugh, just to see and hear them. I will always be willing to sit forever just to hear you talk and see your animated mothions while you're talking. and if I am the cause of them, that all the better. But regardless of what you may say or feel you have to do, I am a better person because of you, because you showed me I could be better, and am worth knowing. I am going to be a better person because you gave me that chance and hope Lady K., and I truly believe that you believe in me too.

I'm sure you know the don't ' If I ever Fall in Love Again', by Shai. any woman I meet has a hell of a standard to meet now that I met a women like you Lady K. And that's all I have to say about that:-)

Well, the worst thing that can happen is you turn me down as a friend Lady K., but I couldn't keep from asking any longer. As they say, a closed mouth never gets fed. Nothing else that could happen would matter. But to know you are my friend, that would be something indeed.

You can leave a message on here for me, or you can write my e-mail address and leave one there. If you write my e-mail, just let me know here, that I need to check my in-box, okay? I do look forward to hearing from you lady K, but if not, that won't change how I feel. Here is my e-mail address: bobbybayer123@yahoo.com

Until then, I wish all your dreams and hope become reality Lady K. Write if you dare, and if not... Then so be it... At least you know where I now stand.

Sincerely your Friend,

Bobby Bayer
Grizzly Bear
April 9th, 2017