Some Of What I See

For well over a year I haven't been able to write anything of substance. I now realize that typical writer's block wasn't the culprit hindering my ability to arrange my thoughts on paper. I now know that my spirit couldn't process all of the bile it was being bombarded with. Today, November 13, 2017 is the first day that I feel free enough to try writing something. Since January 2016 there have been a number of events that impacted my heart in a way that prevented me from being able to create or adequately express myself. The passing of my oldest & last living son Otis, and my aunt Bernice; having major surgery to remove cancerous polyps from my throat; dealing with what felt, and often feels like a lack of support from family & friends; watching reports from across the country of police shooting unarmed Black Men, and either they aren't being charged for murder, and if so they aren't convicted; seeing repeated mass shooting as politicians keep justifying the need for people to own high powered fire arms while hiding under the umbrella of the 2nd Amendment; having to hear young activist trying to explain the proclamation "Black Lives Matter" because ignorance, and hatred constantly pervert its meaning. Even though everyone already knows that not only black lives, but the lives of any person of color has never been regarded with the same value or esteem as white lives in this country. The straw that broke the camel's back for me was when a White Nationalist rally escalated into violence in Charlettesville, and robbed the amazingly beautiful Heather Heyer of her life, and the leader of the Free World comfortably stated in the aftermath that there were, "Very fine people on both sides." Hearing the President speak as if the horde of practicing Nazis & White Supremacist led by Matthew Heimback & Richard Spencer were the moral equivalents to the people that were standing up for freedom, blew my mind. After hearing what he said, him receiving campaign donations from the Grand Wizard of the KKK, David Duke made sense to me. I could only imagine the affect his words had on Heather's mother Susan.
Like most, I watched the evening propaganda, a.k.a. the "News", and listened to the broadcasters in their common misnomer. Every major network was showing journalist interviewing politicians, asking scripted, watered down questions about the President's initial response to what happened in Charlettesville. Some of the politicians claimed to be outrages about the President comparing a group of torch carrying racist to the collage of ethnicities that were gathered to stand in unity against the hate that was being perpetuated that's contrary to the freedoms this country claims are the bedrock upon which it's built on. Some of the "Adult Males" that are leaders in the Republican party like Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell made their way in front of the media's cameras to drop insincere sound bites for the masses. Real men would never compromise their integrity & character for the sake of a political agenda. That behaviour was evident throughout the current President's run for office. A.M. I the only one who remembers D.J.T. disrespecting a Gold Star family, making fun of a disabled reporter, condoning violence at his rallies, proudly receiving the Nazi salute from his supporters, and casually joking about committing sexual assault? Those were just a few of the things he did & said that don't line up with the character required to hold the office he's presently in. Apart from John McCain, almost none of the rank & file members of his party came out and denounced his behaviour then; so why are we to believe there's an inkling of sincerity in any of what they said in response to his remarks after the tragedy that cost Heather her life? Although my view of the world is limited due to the fact that I'm currently housed in a maximum security institution, I can still see. Bricks & steel limit what I can see, but my vision isn't bound by them. That's why I clearly see that a domestic act of terror committed by a white male born & bred in this country us labelled a mass shooting. While the same or an equivalent act done by a person of color is immediately called a terrorist attack. Those differences are constantly on display for anyone to see that isn't willing to ignore the obvious. Being a witness to the ever present thorny tendrils of hatred so knotted & thick that no light can penetrate it, and no reason can free the tangles, chips away at any measure of hope that I may have for a better tomorrow. Just listening to the hate mongers as they stand on national & global platforms spewing spirit & soul poisoning rhetoric leaves me wondering. Wondering how & why do people use the Holy Bible to justify embracing a divisive ideology that's slowly infecting hearts with darkness around the world? It looks like people are being saturated with a bitterness that's causing society as I knew it to slip down an inexorable slide into the sewers of inhumanity. Even as I see things as they currently are, I rest in the truth that the human mind can't desecrate the sacred. Which is why people attempt to desanctify things first by calling them evil. That's why those in power often toss around words like "Evil Doers". Seeing these things on a regular don't cause me to be any less surprised when I see the beast rising with God's name on their lips. I guess what bothers me most is that so few people realize what's happening. Therefore there isn't any genuine concern. Maybe if I knew how to lift society out of this mire I wouldn't feel so impotent. Seeing people accept the lies that fed to them as truth, frustrates me in a way that I can't explain. If I can see these things, why aren't those that have been elected to govern able to see them too or are they seeing them and choosing to turn a blind eye? My only solace is knowing that when compared, the sweetest lie at best is pale when placed beside the beautiful truth. I also see that we've become a culture that rewards bad behaviour. How else can the success of the franchises Basketball Wives, Love & HipHop, and any of the Housewives be explained? Now releasing a tape of what should be an intimate experience for the people sharing it can provide opportunities to build a brand with the potential to reach mogul status. Then people wonder why young women & girls are trying to emulate what they view as a blueprint to obtain riches & fame. The worst case of a person being rewarded for bad behaviour in my opinion is the guy that is currently our President. Never mind all of the egregious things that he did & said on the campaign trail. Long before he decided to enter politics there were 70+ civil suits pending against him by people that weren't paid for services rendered, and the racist practices of his father of not renting to black people. I mentioned his father because that is who first planted the seeds of racism in his heart, and nurtured them. Those things, and countless others reveal that he is void of the character needed to be rewarded with the job he now has. Those, and many others thoughts like that drain my strength. Thankfully I A.M. blessed to be revived & refreshed daily. Those are just a few of the things I see while behind the wall existing in a cage. Imagine trying to process those things as you deal with the tedium of monotony, as well as the violence those of us who are assigned to reside in these places have to face. I recall once being filled with a peace unlike any I've ever known. I closed my eyes and began listening to the 6/8 rhythm of my heartbeat. Then the pain in voices shouting over the tiers invaded the cage I was in. I immediately felt a sense of empathy because I knew those brothers didn't know the peace that I was being blessed to experience. The disdain around me didn't disturb my peace, and for that among others things, I was both grateful & thankful. Now I can see the lure that catches, and drags so many people into the abyss of darkness where the tortured, and torturer must suffer the same fate. Choosing to live in a bubble where nothing outside of your own finite ideology can touch you, creates a superficial version of real joy. The thinking that motivates a person to choose to exist in that state is an illusion that's fed by fear. So the Great Deceiver continues to show people a twisted reality, while providing them with a false sense of belonging which is what in my opinion is why so much cult like behaviour is taking place across the country. Fortunately, I'm not a victim that has been infected with such a warped state of mind. By no virtue of my own did I escape this. God's grace, love, mercy, and forgiveness allows the heart of my mind to remain unchained even as my body is physically incarcerated. I learned that it's hard fighting an enemy that you don't know you have, and can't see. "For we do not wrestle against flesh & blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of darkness of this age, against spiritual host of wickedness in the heavenly places." Eating the Bread of Life, and drinking Living Water made the scales fall from my eyes, giving me true vision. Now I'm praying for the leaders of our nation to have their vision restored because where there is no vision, the people parish. Now that I can see what truly is, my heart gets ripped apart daily as I watch people being held hostage in their own minds by fear; and being pulled down by the thirst for money, respect, and what the consider power. Their effort to pursue unattainable pleasures it what is causing them to fall deeper into the bowels of society. This is why so few rarely if ever take much needed time to think about how their choices will hurt fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, sons, and daughters. We will all continue to suffer as people rape, and are raped, torture, and are tortured, kill, and are killed because we readily gravitate towards, and embrace things that divide us. Accepting ideas that dehumanize us with little to no thought about what that means. I guess that's why the guy currently in the Oval Office called a guy that's guilty of countless human rights violations in the Philippines a "Good Friend". Helpless is the feeling I get when watching the path that "We The People" are headed down. I accept that these feelings come with being me, and seeing "Some Of What I See"!
Life Tested
Christ Approved!!!!
Unfiltered
A.M.

If you are moved by this or any of the other pieces I've posted, please take a moment to reach out to me at:
Antwiane Sago #428132
W.C.I.
P.O. Box 351
Waupun, WI. 53963-0351

Please forgive any mistakes. I write from the heart and don't do rewrites. You will always get uncut A.M.
Flaws and all.
I'm Back!
Sincerely
Twon