Personal Journal

3/12/18 Mon.
We were locked down Sunday. Except for visits and some workers, no one seems to know why. Maybe the guards just needed some rest from all the nothing they do every day. I spent the day just reading and putting up with my teenage celly. :) Kids need to get out and play, and burn energy off. Way too vigorous to just sit around. Enough to drive a crazy old man nuts.

It was a nice sunny day here. I could see it from any window.

It is easy
to feel down
inside a cold cell
and get outside
the sun slips
below a cloud bank
the bright light
streams into my cell
through the tiny window
I step into
the slanting light
bringing its warmth
I think to myself
the sun feels good
isn't life beautiful

3/13/18 Tues.
In a cavernous warehouse behind old Preston about a mile from Ione, just south of nowhere, I sit at midnight staring out into the darkness daydreaming of something better, a better life, being a different person. My body is weary, my eyes tired from reading all day. Yet I am unable to sleep, waiting for the pain to subside, for my mind to stop racing. I wonder how much longer I will hide myself because no one else cares?

We were locked down again Monday. Just getting out for meals and showers. Read and slept all day.

It's supposed to rain today and looking back out my window now, it has begun. I don't care if it's pouring with gale wind forces. If they let the yard out, I'm going. Depression is starting to set in sitting in this cell. :( I had to look the word depression up because it looked like it was missing something. It was, it was missing the "s" for Steve. :)

3/14/18 Wed.
I started a painting of an old motel in the afternoon yesterday. I like the picture I got out of the mag. The blue in the sky, the gray in the clouds. Of course, I've already begun changing things and the colors. :)

I did go out in the rain this morning. There was only a few drops here and there until after the ten o'clock inline. Then it started raining. I may have told an untruth. I said I didn't care if it was pouring with gale force winds. When the rain began, the wind picked up and the rain drops looked like hail hitting the ground. It felt and sounded like hail as they pounded my raincoat. The door to my building opens and I broke out into a run (didn't know I could run so fast.) :) I had left my shower stuff and a dry set of clothes in front of my cell door so I was able to take a hot shower and change. My pants and shoes were soaked. It's not raining right now, but it came down hard all day and night.

If it looks like rain, I might not make it out today. I almost drowned yesterday! :)

We spent a lot of time yesterday afternoon and last night standing for Jimmy to take the tape test. He has to be out there at 8. I think he'll do all right, but he has trouble sitting down for five minutes. He only needs to make a 7.9 to get into high school, and he only needs one class to get his diploma. Good luck, kid.

3/15/18 Thurs.
Jimmy won't find out until Friday how he did on the tape test. I'm sure his score was high enough for them to let him to take the two classes he needs to get his diploma (American government and economics) plus an elective (as he needs ten units in their school). He cna work at his own pace and I'll help him.

I'll be going over to optometry today at 10 to pick up my new glasses. maybe they'll help me with my spelling. :) Maybe the crosswords. :)

Happy birthday, baby. I love you.

3/18/18 Sun.
Still not feeling well. The swelling is gone from my body. I'm going to try to eat something today. Jimmy was up in the middle of the night eating a soup, so I know he's feeling better. So am I. As I can now feel every little ache and pain in my body. :) I don't want to take any ibuprofen as my stomach is still upset from just sitting up.

I've had food poisoning maybe 50 times in my years in prison. This is the worst. :)

And she said I'll love you till the very end of time. Always and forever.

I do need to get a shower. :) May clean the cell. :)