THE LAST OF
MY MOM. I
LOVE YOU. MAY
YOU FIND REST
IN GOD. 6/6/18
"Are you cold?" I asked Raya.
She merely nodded her head in response to me, but remained silent. Her silence toward me was awkward. I attributed this to the various thoughts she had on her mind; I knew she would not be able to sort through them easily. How could I find fault with or for such things when I had the same dilemma?
"I'm going to make a fire as close to us as possible so you won't be cold while we finish talking."
I walked over to the stockpile just near the cave's entrance. Upon reaching it, I begin picking up tree branches and piling them in my arms in a way that would allow me to carry them easily. I stacked them until they were bulky in my arms, but not bothersome to carry. I carried them effortlessly into the cave and dropped them on the ground near Raya. I made sure they were far enough away from Raya that she would not get burned, but close enough to still warm her body.
I begin trying to light the fire, in moments I had a roaring fire. The fire brought light into the black cave. For a few moments, I watched the fire to ensure it would burn well. Once I was sure of this, I turned my full attention back to Raya. I walked back to where Raya was, sitting close enough to her that I was able to easily touch her. I reached my hand out, placing it on the small of her back in an effort to offer her some form of comfort. I tilted my head up so that I could look at her without having to strain my eyes.
"I heard everything you are saying, but do you even understand the depth of what you, yourself are telling me?" I asked.
"Yes, Fallun. I understand perfectly well what I've told you. I would not have told you otherwise. I honestly, think you disbelieve everything I have told you so far."
At that moment, I felt something which made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. The hunger clawed at me. I felt it moving through my veins. I was, however, more focused on Raya and what she was saying so I did something I had never done before. I pushed the hunger back, it pushed into the deepest, darkest part of me. I hoped with everything in me I could win the fight against such a looming enemy. This was a battle I had yet to win. How would it take before I lost this fight that was just beginning to manifest its presence within me.
"What's wrong with you, Fallun?!!! I can look at you and see the alarm you are trying to hide from me." Raya asked her voiced lined with concern.
"No, Raya. It's nothing..." I lied.
"Fallun, you ask my 'why' earlier, as if you don't already know...because there has never been another like you before, and I know there probably never will be again. With each moment that passes you take my breath away. The way I feel now, I can vaguely remember what my life was like before I met you. Ever since that point, my life has revolved around you and I've thought of little else except for Lerric. I find myself wanting to be around you all the time. When I am asleep, my dreams are filed with images of you. You see yourself in a way that I will never understand, you think so very lowly of yourself. Yet, I don't and can not agree with you. I've never understood love much less, the concept of it. Even now, as I feel it stronger than anything else I have ever felt before, there are countless questions running rampant in my head. These questions will probably remained unanswered considering everything you have told me. I know you don't have the answers I seek. To me, none of this matters. There are only two things that matter in my life...Lerric...and now...you. I know I can't live without either one of you. I can not imagine my life without Lerric because she means everything to me. I love her with all of my heart.
"But, you see, my heart does not only feel for her. Fallum, it feels for you as well. I feel so much for you; I don't just want you, I feel like it's a need. The need of you is ever present, ever growing within me. This need is growing within me, like my own sickness and you have become like blood I need to make me well again. Do you even know what it was like for me when you and I were separated?"
I heard Raya's voice, but found that my mouth could form no answer to her question. The words coming from her seemed far away and hard for me to make out. I could feel the hunger clawing at me from within, calling to me. As I sat next to Raya, I smelled the blood I knew she held within her body.
"Raya, listen to me. Do you remember what I told you about my having to drink blood from humans to stay alive?"
"Yes, I do. Is this what is bothering you?" Raya asked me, her voice lined with fear.
"Yes, Raya...what happened between us...it has made me exceedingly ravenous. I need to feed. I'm going to go back to the village to hunt..." I tried with enormous effort to finish my sentence, but Raya quickly cut me off.
"NO!!! Fallun! I can't stand the thought of you taking a human life. Is there no other way...you can still feed without killing them?"
I looked at Raya while trying to focus on the words as she spoke them. I sat quietly, perplexed as I thought about the answer to her questions. My prolonged silence caused her to repeat her question.
"Is there no other way?!! Answer me, Fallun! Now!!" She screamed at me, with anger behind her words.
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