Reply ID: ynd7
Monday 10-1-18

Mrs Melynda,

Blessings.

I'm grateful for whoever or whatever led you to this "weblog". I'm so blessed to have.

My intent was to write you sooner but pressing matters prevailed. And Lord knows I be busier than I should be simply to right boredom and because the activities afforded me aren't very fun or relaxing. Playing basketball is like being on a episode of Jerry Springer. Ouch!

Thank you for your sincere comments regarding my July 19th post (July 31st). Thanks for the 2 "verys" you used before "good" as it relates to the poem I penned entitled Crime Doesn't Pay. Pray it's a blessing that provides insight into the other consequences of coming to prison, beyond the Big 2 that media stresses (violence and rape) so many other "punishments" are afforded the incarcerated. Like constant stress, freezing cells (got on a shirt, sweater, 2 pairs of pants, long socks and about to put my gloves on - hold on. In the winter gotta sleep in my hat and coat! Brrrrrr) then there's poor health care, ridiculous canteen prices - Ramen noodles now 35 cents. Stamps are no longer sold so we have to buy stamped envelopes for 68 cents, etc.

But I'm not here to cry/complain. Just shed light on how "crime doesn't pay". My favorite part - one that never gets highlighted - is: it only takes SECONDS to get life in prison. Can't wait to teach that to at risk youth and those who already took the risk! If you know anybody thinking prison is the place to be, feel free to share the poem with them. Might save they life.

Thanks for the empathy regarding my reality with my daughter. Her 21st b-day is 2 days away (Oct 3rd) and I have no idea what to tell her. What haven't I said in 21 years? This is when not being in touch with her hurts the most. Praying for God to bless me with fresh loving words to bless her with. Praying something leads her to my blog. Told people to give her the web address but have no idea if they did/were able to. Wish I could send her all hundred something dollars I have to my name... Wish a lot of things.

Thanks for your womanly/daughterly wisdom. Promise, I do try to understand how hard having an MIA dad is for Priska. Yet - my love is selfish (at times). Since I LEARNED what true love is all I wanted to do was love on her and shower her with all the LOVE she rightly deserves. Past. Present. Future.

Can see it now that - in my selfishness - I'm guilty of not respecting [crying eye] all of her feelings [crying eye]. I'm guilty of only looking at our father-daughter relationship from my perspective. See I be solely focused on loving her NOW and making up for lost times NOW so as to prevent more lost times and to kinda lessen the weirdness, the awkwardness, that accompanies being apart for over 2 decades! Ouch! Just wanted to be her Dad in some capacity, ANY capacity. Hoping to build trust and other relational characteristics.

Mrs. Melynda, thanks for helping me see my selfishness as a father. IF you're a praying woman pray for me that I would be ever mindful of Priska's hurt feelings, emotions, thought process and sad reality, that she too is dealing with having lost a loved one. Regarding the question you asked "Are you ever going to be able to get out?"

YES.

Just I have no IDEA when. I was sentenced to 75 YEARS BUT I have PAROLE opportunities. Just seen them for the 3rd time on Sept 7th. In the end I was DENIED RELEASE for another 10 months so in July 2019 I go for the 4th time. Meanwhile my faith is in God. :) MARCH 2019 keep coming to me with a sense of "release". Not to mention God gave me a dream I did "20 years in prison" on Easter Sunday 2015. Well, I caught my case on Sept 11 1997, but didn't get to prison till MARCH 1999. So much of 2019 will be 20 years in prison. God has heard my prayer for release and has responded. Based off our time together trust a miraculous release will be granted me (1st Samuel 1:17 Acts 27-25). So by faith I'm preparing to be FREE. Know God has an even more amazing life for me on the other side of this gated community. Smile :). Well, that's all I got. Take care.

Respectfully
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This is the day
:)
If you look up you can't see down

PS. Just came from Bible Study. While there (at 7:21pm) God whispered comforting words to my heart. "Trust that Priska LOVE YOU, in spite of her absence. She dealing with hurt of your absence. Amen. (She) wants to do life with you, but can't. This hurts her all the more. (More than you'll know). Keep her in prayer to see Jesus (to) love him. Amen (to) hold on. To be blessed, to be loved. She knows you('ll) love her. It's obvious both (of you are) hurting cause WE miss each other - dealing with pain best way WE know how. Amen."

"God, thank you for comforting my broken selfish heart with this words. Love you. Thanks for Melynda's words ushered in this prophetic word."