July 27, 2019
by Steve J. Burkett (author's profile)


Personal Journal


Daybreak is coming later each morning and nightfall is arriving earlier. The days of summer are becoming shorter. The lonely nights longer. Break me off a piece of your heart, as mine seems to be running on empty most of the time.

Feeling down this morning. Don't know why. Everything seems to be going just fine. Slow but fine. So life goes in prison. You make the best out of what you have.

Ears are plugged up like I'm flying five miles high. Probably need to be cleaned. I wear earphones all the time to listen to the music or watch TV. I wear ear plugs at night to keep the prison noises out. The wax builds up, and I can't get it out with tissues and my fingers. I'll put a note in today to the RN. :)

Daybreak, beautiful off in the distance. I can get lost in the sunrise. Starting every day new, giving me something to look forward to. Maybe today is the day the dude in the rainbow-colored coat will show himself to me.

So, today's just another day of waiting for what I'm not sure, as I've already gone way past insane. If we want love, we have to love. No matter what anybody thinks of us.



If it's a lunatic you're looking for today, I've gone well past crazy. I had a long day in medical yesterday with three medical ducats to add to a day starting out with breathing treatments at 7:30. Today, I'm starting out so worn out that I'm seeing shadows out of the corners of my eyes.

At 11:40, I had a ducate for the RN to get the wax flushed out of my ears. As luck would have it, I pulled the most worthless RN in the prison system. Right off, the lazy no-good sewer scums. She told me to have the doctor order it done when I saw him later. I did. So, now I have to wait later in the week or next week to get it done. At least me and the doctor got a good laugh at the RN's expense. The doctor said he might send her a lot of people to get their ears flushed, as they seem to have trouble hearing his instructions. :) Okay, a good laugh makes me feel not so hateful.

I didn't get in to see the doctor until after 1:30. The first ducat was about my lungs. I had to do a test of flowing into a pipe thing to see how much air captivity my lungs have (not a whole lot) and to check my oxygen levels. They were low again at 93%, so I'll see the pulmonary doctor again in the next four to eight weeks. I hope, anyway.

The other ducat was for my chronic care appointment. They do it every 180 days to renew my meds. This time we discussed: my abnormal weight loss; COPD; carhosis of liver; colon cancer screening; GERD (gastroesphoageal reflux disease); HCU infection; hyperiphidemia; polyarthopathy; multiple sites.

The doctor said that other than that, I'm doing alright. :) He put me down to get a colonoscopy. I have been having trouble leaking, where I had the two operations about 12 years ago.



I don't want anybody to think I'm not happy about the weight loss. I've been trying to lose it for years. The last time I was under 200 lbs was on Ann Arbor. :) I would feel good about it, but I didn't get there from exercise and diet, so it might not be such a good thing (more tests).

So, while Brown was governor, he set up the state commission to look into the state of the prison system. The prison commission came out with its report this week. Apparently, the prison system sucks. :) The commissioner recommends that more than a dozen prisons be closed (Q, Folsom, Vacaville, etc.), and the rest of them need some major overhauls.

The way I see it, make any of this happen and they're going to have to let some people go. To do my part and help out, I volunteer to be one of them. True, it would mean giving up a lot (medical, food, bed, all the good things people think of when they think of prison), but I'm willing to do it. To put myself out there to help these nice people out. :)



Monday morning: got out the blues. Must be something in the air. I'm happy to say that my joints have been hurting so much, my hands are tight but not so much. They hurt.

Maybe I'll get some painting done this afternoon. The Miss Riverside painting is coming along very well. A lot of small details. The horse and saddle, Miss Riverside's sitting on the horse holding the flag flowing in the air. I do need some better paintbrushes, that's for sure.

Got to cut this short. I have another blood test this morning and I do want to get this off today. I hope you're doing well. I'll see you in my dreams. I want to hear from someone soon.


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