BLOG POST: SEPTEMBER 26, 2019
(BELIEF IS THE KEY)
(LOVE IS JUST A WORD UNTIL SOMEONE GIVES IT MEANING)

You fear opening up to others because of your past interactions, and you truly believe there is no way to release such "PAIN&SUFFERING" because it had no become who you are. What started out as being apart of your history has fully took control over your entire being. This has caused you to fear any form of "EMOTIONAL CONVERSATION," and has you stuck with dealing with "TRAUMATIC MEMORIES" which at the moment will allow your "CAPTOR" who destroyed you gain easy access to play on your low self-esteem. So when you're faced with "EMOTIONAL DECISIONS" you shut down bringing to surface every last bit of your "TRAUMATIC PAST" which causes you to run from trying to begin your "EMOTIONAL RELEASE."

so by keeping your "TRAUMATIC PAST" close by you've created a form of "SECURITY NET" for which you thought could protect you from having to deal with any type of "EMOTIONAL SITUATION." Now doing this has cause yourself further danger becaUse on one hand you've made your past a shield so any time "EMOTIONAL SITUATION" you close off your emotions so you don't have to "RE-LIVE, RE-HEAR, and RE-BELIEVE" all of which you've work hard to "RE-MOVE" from within. Now on the other hand you've made yourself "VULNERABLE"to any type of "EMOTIONAL TOPIC" that may arise during this period of weakness. So "ULTIMATELY" you're becoming your own "CAPTOR," and "ABUSER"causing yourself to no chance or opportunity to actually find someone who'll cherish you enough to the point where your past will become just that, "YOUR PAST."

(I'VE LEARNED FROM YOU) that all I was doing by letting you go was affirm all the years he told you you're worth nothing, no one cares about you, and you're not worth fighting for. This is something that I never wanted to do, and will forever spend my days making that up to you.
(ULTIMATELY) it comes to that "WILL YOU FIGHT FOR YOURSELF?"Because it matters not if others will fight for you or to be with you if you don't choose to fight to love yourself first.

(I DECLARE) to you that I'll always be here for you, and I'll always deliver "JEWELS" to you in your time of need whether it's to get you out of a slump or to help you further your grother, I'm here. So when everything is dark, and you find yourself walking that dark road alone just remember it's someone who cares about you, and someone who wants you to be happy. Also remember when you feel like there's nowhere to go, and no one to talk to you, I'm here.He told you no one would ever love you, and that you're not good enough for anyone, well he was wrong because someone is fighting for you, and believe you're good enough them if you would just allow him in you heart.

(SO REMEMBER "YOU'RE NOT ALONE" and "YOU'LL NEVER BE ALONE AGAIN.")

REAL TALK ALWAYS

BLOG POST: sEPTEMBER 26, 2019
(WHEN WILL LIFE BE ABOUT YOU)
YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY LIKE EVERYONE ELSE

You have been in a mental prison for years being confined to just him your "JAILER, THINKER, and CHOICE MAKER," ANd he chose to strip you of all opportunity to be yourself so you were both his "MENTAL and PHYSICAL PRISONER." However, you fought for your release, and was granter freedom from your "ABUSER," and yet daily your time confine is still controlling your life, causing you to push away others who are trying to be apart of your future. (SELF DESTRUCTION) is now completely you because even tho your "JAILER, and ABUSER" no longer has you confined to his prison he still controls your mind, and in return controls how you live your life, and he sits back laughing as you (SELF DESTRUCT).

WHAT WILL IT TAKE FOR YOU TO START LIVING FOR YOU?

You've told me that you don't deserve to be treated like you're nothing, and I agree. Yet when you have someone who is trying to be in your life, you continuously push him away as if you would rather be alone, and unloved instead of being loved. I do understand that it isn't easy to open up when you've endured such "TRAUMATIC PAIN" as you have. However in order for you to release, and live again you must wash out your dark pain so that you can dry new light, and memories. All i ask i that you allow me the chance to be apart of your story, and you new beginning.

Do you believe you deserve happiness?
Do you want to be free of your past pain?
Do you believe you're beautiful?
Do you love yourself?

These questions should be answered in order for you to begin your rebuilding of yourself because it will determine if you believe you're worthy, and that you believe you have worth. I express to you again that I seek nothing from you other than to be apart of your story and life. I want to know what makes you smile, and what makes you cry. I want to be apart of your struggle and growth. I want to adore you, cherish you, be able to tell you daily how much you mean to me, and how beautiful you are. This is what I seek from you, and no matter how much you try to fight your feelings for me, in your heart you can't deny that it's me you want, and if that's the case you have to fight, and find the strength to continue fighting for what you want. As I sit here trying to fight for who I want, and I'll continue to fight until you see that I'm being true and pure with you.

You are stronger than you let yourself believe, and I think of you daily hoping one day to see a letter from you telling me it's me you want, and I'll keep waiting because you mean that much to me.
(STRENGTH ISN'T DEFINED BY YOUR FAILURE, BUT INSTEAD IS DEFINED BY YOUR WILLINGNESS TO OVERCOME THOSE FAILURES, AND STRIVE FOR BITTERNESS IN YOUR LIFE)