April 3, 2020

Comment response

by Christopher Trotter (author's profile)
This post is in reply to comments on:  Dear Outside World thumbnail
Dear Outside World
(Feb. 1, 2019)

Transcription


Date: 03:21:2020

Mr. Patrick Milling.

I have been wanting to write this letter to you for some time now, and I wanted to be sure that when I did write to you you, that my words were coming from the right place of my heart, and it was being done for the right reason.

About two (2) years ago, I found out that your father (Jack Milling) was a resident of Frankton, IN, and living in an assisted living facility due to his being legally blind as a result of macular degeneration. I had attempted to write to your father a letter, asking for his forgiveness and letting him know that he was in my prayers, but my letter was returned to sender.

Then when I seen the post you wrote on Between the bars, I wanted to respond to your comments, but I had other matters going on that required my attention. Plus I wanted to be sure that I could write to you from a heart of peace and forgiveness, and not just respond emotional to your comments. So now with everything going on in the world, this is a better time to express how I feel...

Please understand that on Feb 1, I had just three (3) months on my sentence for petty theft before I was to go home. So I did not wake up one the morning of Feb 1, 1985, ever thinking that I'd be involved in a prison riot. I did not wake up that morning with the mind-set of hurting or killing someone. The only thoughts that were on my mind the morning of Feb 1, 1985 was that I was one day closer to freedom, and seeing my family and loved ones.

Patrick Milling, I am very sorry for the event that took place on Feb 1, 1985, and if i could go back in time and change the events of that cold Feb 1, 1985 day and my reactions to the event, I surely would have done things differently...like not gotten involved. but being that I can't, turn back the hands of time, all I can do is ask that you find it in your heart to forgive me for the pain and suffering, I have caused your father, you and your family.

Patrick, you have every right to feel as you do, and it's not up to me or anyone else to judge the pain an hurt that you feel. But I hope that you can one day find it in your heart to forgive me, so that you can heal that pain inside of you. I know that my saying that I am sorry for the stabbing of your father, and the pain and suffering that I've caused will never be enough, but i hope that it is a start. I truly know how you feel, because I too have experienced pain and suffering.

Since the riot of Feb 1,1985, i spent over twenty (20) years in solitary confinement in a windowless cell 23 hours a day, and both of my beloved parents (mother and father) died while I was in the very dehumanising confinement. My beloved parents were all that I had, and part of my should died with them. The only way I was able to survive out of that time was with the grace of God, and it was through that grace I found redemption. The time I spent in solitary confinement gave me the time to reflect on the decisions I made and how they impacted others.

patrick, I don't want to make this letter about me, but please allow me to share with you the changes I've made since I have been released from solitary confinement. I have been violence free from that day and O've completed various programs including getting my high school diploma, anger management, Thinking for a Change, Shakespeare in the SHU, P.L.U.S (Purpose Living Units Serve) program, Victim Impact, House of Healing, Conflict resolution, errors in thinking and i have completed 320 hours of community service making gifts fro veterans. Most people don't know that I am an U.S. Army veteran with an honourable discharge, and I'm a member of the American legion-Kyle Snyder-post 398, here at the prison.

Patrick, I know my accepting responsibility and changing my life are only small steps. And they can't change the events of Feb 1, 1985 or the pain you and your family have experienced, but I hope that it's a start to let you and your family know that I am truly remorseful and sorry for the hurt and pain i have caused you.

I will continue to keep your family in my prayers as I have done over the years, and I hope and pray that you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

God Bless,

Christopher Trotter

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Replies (1) Replies feed

Bloom_Where_You_Are_Planted_8 Posted 8 months ago. ✓ Mailed 7 months, 3 weeks ago   Favorite
Thanks for writing! I finished the transcription for your post.

I hope that you are well :)

Sending you support from afar.

Warm regards,

LH

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