Feb. 1, 2019

Dear Outside World

by Christopher Trotter (author's profile)

Transcription

Dear Outside World, 1/16/19

Right this moment as I sit inside the belly of the beast (prison cell)
I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I've been incarcerated now
for 35 years, and 20 of those years were spent in solitary confinement,
in a windowless cell 23 hours a day.
This time in prison has taken everything from me and turned it into
nothing. I see nothing good and feel everything that is bad. This time has
drained the life out of me and has stolen my love, compassion, humanity,
forgiveness; and replaced it with idleness and nothing to grasp.
Empty now as a shell, I move soulless amoungst myself. What did I do
to deserve all this?
I came to prison in 1983 to serve a four (4) year sentence for petty theft,
and with just three (3) months left before my release to freedom; I was
forced to put my freedom on hold all because some bad prison guards decided
to beat a prisoner while handcuff and shackled with a club. Why did I just
stay out of it and go home?
Well, as a child, I grew up in a household were my father was very abusive
towards my siblings and mother. I became the protector of the family and
everytime my father would go on one of his violent rages, I would intervene
on behalf of my siblings and mother, and I would take the blunt of the beating.
So on the cold morning of February 1, 1985, all I did was what I grew up doing,
and that was helping someone who couldn't help themselves. How does the story end?
To be totally honest, I truly don't know how things will end. Right now, I'm doing
my best to stay in a positive mental state and take it one day at a time. But
each day and each step I take gets harder and harder. I haven't given up but at
times it's hard to find the strength that is needed to keep on fighting; especially
inside this belly of the beast that is very dark and negative. What do I need to
make it?
Right now, I could use letters of support and encouragement. Just knowing that
someone out there in the free world cares, could be the difference between life
and death.

Strong But Human
Christopher Trotter
WVE N-323 #862556
P.O. Box 1111

All letter must be written on white line paper only,
and mailed in plain white envelope only!
www.connectnetwork.com/ChristopherTrotter#862556

Favorite

Replies (6) Replies feed

Julia Posted 9 months, 2 weeks ago. ✓ Mailed 9 months ago   Favorite
Dear Christopher Trotter,
I just transcribed your post, followed the earlier ones too, my heart goes out to you, I wish you strength and courage in this difficult time.
Warm greetings,
Julia

ilryes Posted 3 weeks ago. ✓ Mailed 1 week, 2 days ago   Favorite
Mr. Trotter
I am so glad we have this forum here, to enable communication. I have not forgotten about you. We are connected(so to speak). I've read your description and explanation of the events that happened on Fri. morning Feb 1st 1985. Why you are choosing to leave out another part of the events that happened that morning is very obvious. It takes away the value of presenting yourself as a victim of a system that treated you unfair.
Let's start with L. Love. That morning from what I understand he did not want to leave his cell. There were suspicions that Love might have possessed one or all of the following; drugs, contraband, or weapons. The guards then decided to investigate by way of "shake down". Apparently Love decided to "flex his muscles" in a fit of rage by nearly destroying everything in his cell(toilet from wall..etc, etc. You and I both agree that the beating of Love that morning was a complete wrong judgement call. However, we don't agree on the reasons why it was wrong. You thought you were saving a life. I thought it was stupid and unprofessional of the guards that were involved to do a display beating of an inmate in front of other inmates. Lincoln Loves criminal record was lengthy. I firmly believe that a free Lincoln Love would have not thought twice about committing crimes on your family. I also don't believe he was worth spending the rest of your entire life locked up. I'm aware you only had a few years left to serve. AMAZING HOW SOME SPLIT SECOND DECISIONS AFFECT THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

But let's move on here. I will tell the rest of the story here. You had a need to see how badly injured Love was. The only way to find out is to get to the infirmary. To get to the infirmary you had to enter into an area of which you were not authorized to be. The guard in the tower saw you and inmate Cole proceeding to the infirmary. The guard disregarded direct orders to fire upon you and Cole. You made it to the infirmary. Little did you know that Love had already been transferred to Wishard. Upon entering the infirmary you asked the guard at the door(his job was to take passes that morning) where Love was at. The guard explained that Love was already taken to Indianapolis. RAGE TROTTER IS NOW FEELING!! The result of the
rage, the unarmed guard was maliciously stabbed on the right side of his abdomen. Another result of the RAGE, you and Cole decided to destroy cabinetry and medical equipment in the infirmary. You decided to go back to "J" cell-block, but your thoughts were still full of rage. On your way out, you stopped and looked down at the wounded guard. He pleaded with you that you had already stabbed him. Your reply before you stabbed him again was, "DIE MOTHER-FUCKER".
I know the story. I have heard and seen you say that you don't regret what you did that day.

Tenzin Posted 3 weeks ago. ✓ Mailed 1 week, 2 days ago   Favorite
Christopher.
You began your letter, 'Dear Outside World'
I begin my letter, 'Dear Inside World'
Impulsive, angry, enraged, furious,most human beings at one time or another run the gamut of those emotions. But normally we internalize them and are rational mind warns of the consequences of those actions and we calm down, or walk away. Men are far more impulsive than women, women at more emotional, we tend to shout scream throw things.
You got good and mad that day you attacked the guard. You felt you had to put a perceived wrong to rights.
It wasn't your job.
There is a rule among prisoners that the guards are the enemy.
You bought into that. The whole love hate and the jail and the jailers hate you.
They don't hate you. At their very worst they are 'indifferent' to you. They have a job to do and if they didn't do it your family and the people you love would be in danger.
You need to open your eyes and your ears and start paying attention to who is trying to reprogram you and why.
You aren’t reviled. You are loved. You are a child of the cosmos, and a person in the world.
I hadn’t noticed the post was dated January of this year. It popped up as new on my notification.
Reply back here to me if you can. I am on the move and not at home for a while.
Thank you.

1985 was a lifetime ago. The parole board needs to be convinced that person of violence is no more.
Maya Angelou said, When I knew better I did better.
Do better. Be better. Think better. Act better.
Isn't it ironic that the name of the person you tried to avenge, and who made all this trouble for you was named 'Love'
T

ilryes Posted 3 weeks ago. ✓ Mailed 1 week, 2 days ago   Favorite
CONT.
You had your day in court. The officer at the infirmary took the stand. The prosecutor pointed at you and asked the officer, "is this the man that stabbed you the morning of Feb 1st". The officers reply was "no". The prosecutor somewhat puzzled responded, "that's not the man the stabbed you"? Officers reply, "no...that's the man that tried to kill me". RESULT: Trotter is convicted of attempted murder on top of other charges.
On the afternoon of Feb 1st 1985, I reported to work. Almost upon arriving I was told that an emergency phone call was received. I was told MY FATHER WAS IN THE HOSPITAL. I immediately set out on the 130 mile drive to St. Johns in Anderson, IN. Whatever reason it was, I tuned into a local AM radio station in Marion, IN. Coincidentally they were reporting the news at that very moment. Then I heard this, "here's an update on the situation at the Pendleton reformatory". They stated that there was a riot, a cell block had been overtaken, officers have been injured, one officer (Jack Melling) was critical. Now I can't get there fast enough. Now I'm feeling rage, and helplessness.
I'll never forget that day! Nor have I ever forgotten your name. The only justice that I believe was not handed down in this incident was that the tower guard was never charged as an accessory to attempted murder.
TROTTER, YOU ARE NO VICTIM HERE. YOUR SENTENCE IS COMPLETELY JUSTIFIED AND WARRANTED. YOU EARNED IT...YOU DESERVE IT!!!
MY NAME IS PATRICK MELLING AND YES THAT WAS MY FATHER YOU TRIED TO MURDER THAT MORNING.
THE ONLY SOLACE I HAVE IS THAT YOU WILL NEVER BE FREE.
ONE HELL OF A PRICE TO PAY FOR TRYING TO "SAVE A LIFE" OF A CONVICTED MURDERER, RAPIST, CAREER CRIMINAL.

Tenzin Posted 3 weeks ago. ✓ Mailed 1 week, 2 days ago   Favorite
Patrick Melling. You may as well be standing in a prison cell beside Trotter. You are locked up too.
Until the narrative in prisons is changed that the guard is a 'target' the enemy, nothing will change.
I've known violence in my life. A man cut my father's throat open in front of me.He did it with a beer bottle that he smashed against a counter top. I still remember the brown glass of the bottle, the remaining green label hanging off it and the red of the blood pumping from his neck, his hand clenched around it and his fingers with rivers pouring through them.
He didn't die, lived to tell the tale. No one went to jail for it.But I became very unBuddhist for several years plotting and dreaming of revenge.
The prison system has ravaged Christopher Trotter. You got your 'pound of flesh
I suggest you do one of two things, forget him or forgive him.
I'm not the person I was in 1985, neither are you and Christopher Trotter maybe isn't
With hope.
T

MrMisery13 Posted 2 weeks, 4 days ago. ✓ Mailed 1 week, 2 days ago   Favorite
All I can say is WOW! vI never expected this. THere are so many things wrong with this scenario. First, that a guy who is literally nothing, a ghost, has triggered so many people lashing out at him. He is dead. In a way more dead than even his victims. He knows it. Thats why he left stuff out. He hopes he will be able to evoke compassion, from someone. And He isnt likely going to get it if he tell all of the grisly details. But he is still not 100% at fault. When you have guards who are more suitable to be in there than the guy s they are guarding...well shit like this happens. Indiana still hasn't learned there lesson. Newcastle 2007. I was there. I saw the news and I experiernced the guard who laid hands on an inmate. It was because he didnt have the proper uniform. But so what if it had been for drugs? THat one foolish ingnorant person says Love was justified in being cuffed and beaten because he had drugs? you are sick. Please seek help. Seriously. I bet youo are a prison official. Drugs are NO reason to hand cuff and beat a man to the point he was infirm.
The day of the 2007 riot, I saw the news after. They claimed it was because we were moved acrosss the country. They left out the part about physical abuse from guards. Cruel and Unusual punishment is what the founders called it. They also left out the parts where inmates from my state escorted females out of the prison to save them from getting raped from the pitiful and disgusting sex offenders that none of us knew were among the ranks of the Indiana guys. Otherwise it would have been a much different day. By time we found out there was massive smoke heaps and live ammo being fired. It was a mess. NO one got raped though.
The guard at the infirmary stabbed himeself the day he turned a blind eye to his abusing collegues.
The war is not between the convicts and the guards. It is between good and evil. And no one ever thinks they are on the side of evil. But the devils finest trick is convincing people he does not exist. But he does. You all know it. Anyone who hasnt found any sort pf peace since 1985? Well I would reevaluate the way you see this situation. I had to. 10 and a half years with No victim. Try doing that. Then you will know what true injustice looks and feels like. Everything else has a reason. It might not be a good one. But with no victim there can be no reason. I wish you all peace love and empathy

We will print and mail your reply by . Guidelines

Other posts by this author

Subscribe

Get notifications when new letters or replies are posted!

Posts by Christopher Trotter: RSS email me
Comments on “Dear Outside World”: RSS email me
Featured posts: RSS email me
All Between the Bars posts: RSS