Date: 4/23/2020 8:57:30 AM
Subject: Dear God

Heavenly Father
Please 4give me 4 murmuring n complaining against U especially as it relates 2 Ur choosing 2 place me in PDCI. Seems everyday I utter how much I h8 it here n how much the kids get in my last nerve! Lord knows I have a shorter fuse with juvenile delinquents B they teenage, mid 20's, or older. Lord knows I'm great at hardening my heart when around those I feel would like me better/respect me more if I kept a mug on my face n the threat yesterday in my actions n words! Ouch! Truly I have 2 overcome that aspect of the fear of people. Must also overcome the part of me that's ashamed of the Gospel n refusing 2 walk in love. Lord knows I'm guilty of giving people the same attitude they give me. Yikes!
N I call myself well?!?
God thank u 4 blessing me with a free copy of the Ragamuffin Gospel. Heard of it years ago in Redgranite but refused 2 take Connie's suggestions 2 read it
Now that I am I see Y she recommended it!
Thank U 4 Ur perfect timing. Amen
It's good 4 me 2 read it now as my heart, soul n spirit have been blessed by the chapters I've read so far. The one I read minutes ago stopped me in my tracks n made me reach out 2 U n confess my hypocrisy n brokenness
1st let me say it's an honor 2 b here in PDCI
Showed me a lot about myself, more than I wanted 2 see actually. 2day was a whopper of a doamen
Had 2 acknowledge that it's good 4 me 2 B here cause it revealed 2 me that I wasn't truly serious about reflecting Christ! That in Redgranite it was easy 2 ride the coat tails of my reputation n play church. All the while some ungodliness was still in my heart as evident by my super attitude with Todd n other coworkers/supervisor, Julie comes 2 mind. Lord knows I did not even attempt 2 walk in love towards them. Still I was consistently complacent in my comfortable version of God where I was accepted, lauded, respected, exalted, loved, admired, missed, valued, listened 2, cherished.... So I easily hid behind the Bible n m knowledge of theological nuances. It was all pride n uppityness N self-righteousness ouch! Truly being in PDCI showed me I'm a Pharisee who loves the praise of men, 2 b acknowledged, loved, accepted, etc. Loved 2 b asked my opinion of a verse or 2 help Connie find a verse in Christian living. But ow guilty am I of not Christian living?
Lord knows I'm guilty of giving u my mind but not my heart
Confess I got a log in my heart n yet tried 2 minister 2 others with a speck in theirs!
Yuck!
Guilty of judging others, writing about God 4 $$$$$$$, praying more 2 go home n never praying 2 walk in love towards my neighbours, myself or Jesus. Guilty of holding grudges, being bitter, lusting, judging the caught adulterers/adulteress yet harboring desire in my heart 2 engage in said sinful behaviour. Guilty of serving u 4 blessings - wife, restoration of Priska, freedom, $$$, favor
Guilty of not loving u with all my heart, of not fearing U, of putting idols b4 U, of being lazy, of trying 2 b God over u, of justifying my sins, of talking the part n not walking it, of acting like a hireling, of being a false teacher, of not letting u b God, of leaning on my own understanding, of lying, of consenting with a thief, of not being a cheerful giver, of abusing grace, of being lukewarm...

God thanks 4 listening
I'm starting 2 feel better already
Amen

God thanks 4 healing me
4 the check up n letting me know I need 2 drink more water, 4 the sake of my kidneys God help! 4 speaking 2 me about JULY 15 with a sense of release from prison Lord knows it's come 2 me 3 times each time with the mention of "I was released from prison on JULY 15"
4 revealing my hypocrisy
4 giving me 2nd chances
4 telling me 2 choose life
4 creating 2 write
4 not giving up on me
4 helping me acknowledge that I need 2 focus on loving u 1st n 4most
4 blessing me with Priska
4 giving me this blog
4 giving me song lyrics
4 Ur listening ear
4 keeping me from the hour of temptation
4 Psalm 27:1
4 Psalm 142:4,7
4 giving me words 2 say
4 blessing me with wisdom
4 the encouragement 2 get back 2 just relationship with God 2 just read the Bible n pray n let U do works n ministry through me like it was when I 1st came 2 U amen
Ur son
Antoine