Sept. 12, 2021

Lost And ProFound

by Michael Singh (author's profile)

Transcription

Lost and ProFound written by Michael Manjeet Singh. Feb. 2021

Literal torture inflicted upon my mental health
No longer am I young, it ain't my sense of wealth.
Each minute is an awfully cruel. emotional drain
Falling into dark pits, losing ground fast, without any gain.
How can I rehabilitate, improve, and be changed
When your psychosis is to isolate me and make me deranged?
You separated me from the pack, now I'm a recluse
Hear that sound? Rollin' around my screws are now loose.
This duress adversely warps my mind
Stressin' in solitary (SHU, ASU). Its effects are far from kind.
Efforts to use coping skills become a major complication
Nullified because of neverending cortisol, distress of subjugation.
This solo situation - promoted by a ruse - is fully forced
I hear hella voices and counting yet from reality I'm divorced.
Forced solitude makes me feel so hollow and empty inside
It's cemetery-silent, feels like a graveyard, like I've died.
I'm locked in here - all alone, causing me to truly, seriously suffer
From intimate connection to life, there's no greater buffer.
Being socially lonely has a permanent and deadly impact
It feels like your entire soul has been fatally attacked.
The mental Black Hole exacerbates the mind's pain
I don't know how to deal with this eradicated brain.
They told fabrications to put me inside, al lies!
Since I'm falsely accused, should I inflict real pain evoking tears from my eyes?
This scenario is well known to drive many men critically insane
I am strong and will thrive until I can no longer feign,
I feel like I'm at the end of my rope
What else can I hold onto to give me some hope?
Prison is dark already; this deconstruction of brain only makes it more,
How long before they open this pit from the depths of Hells door?
When will this cavity fully engulf and swallow me?
I want to feel as if I'm part of something bigger, don't you see?
Focus fiercely because light always come after the dark
All you need is synapse wire with a smaller inner spark.
You have to come back - circle of life - like a boomerang
Gotta fight hard, grit your teeth, and show your fang.
In my mind's eye this is the solitary (SHU, ASU) segregation effect
My face is a facade so my emotions you can't read or detect.
Physically I am fine and safe and sound
But still, the loneliness in my heart and mind is quite profound.

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Replies (6) Replies feed

rc1 Posted 7¬†months, 3¬†weeks ago. ✓ Mailed 7¬†months, 3¬†weeks ago   Favorite
This is so powerful!

Julianneashford Posted 5¬†months ago. ✓ Mailed 4¬†months, 3¬†weeks ago   Favorite
Sadden to read this article knowing that it's so real. I feel the pain you have as I kept on reading this. With nothing I could ever say or do to change any of it. Your words were so powerful and I believe that you are a very strong/ smart human being. Who doesn't deserve to be feeling like that. Only one person who can make it good / or bad / or worse/ better. It's you and your all you got. Without you you don't stand a chance. I believe you can over come some of that for what ever your worth is. It's up to you to find that worth in yourself again.i can't imagine for one second what it's like. I know who am I? I know that you thinking probably laughing at me. I read the first line and I didn't think I'd keep reading. I did keep reading something drawn me in. Then now look I keep typing away in hopes that you will see people might not have a clue about prison life. But do have a clue that everyone is human and people that don't matter do have a heart because I'm human too. Life either way is hard. You like me need just a reminder that people listen and some even take time to put there 2 cents in. This was a harder one that I read . Like I said I just can't imagine what you go through. I got a pretty good idea. But it's a small peice of an idea. I'll keep you in my prayers and hopefully you'll know know that this got my attention. Nothing I say can change a dam thing. I'll surely keep you in my prayers. Hopefully I'll hear back from you. My name is Julianne

Michael Singh Posted 4¬†months ago.   Favorite
(scanned reply – view as blog post)

Julianneashford Posted 3¬†months, 2¬†weeks ago. ✓ Mailed 2¬†months, 4¬†weeks ago   Favorite
I'll write to you ,I know in Florida they stopped u.s. postal service for all prisons. No more stamped mail in or out. I'll definitely send a letter guess I'll find out if it stands true for you. What about jpay? I'll see what I have options for. Thanks for replying. Julianne

Michael Singh Posted 1¬†month, 1¬†week ago.   Favorite
(scanned reply – view as blog post)

Julianneashford Posted 1¬†month, 1¬†week ago. ✓ Mailed 3¬†weeks, 5¬†days ago   Favorite
Hi Michael I see your got back to me. As I don't get on it to see you did for a bit later. It's worth looking and seeing a response. I'll write now and I'll look you up on jpay also. I'll even send a note through the mail to. I mean why not. I have a hard time asking the question " how you doing ". I got to come up with a different why to ask . I'm thinking are you making the time your time/ your life the best you can with the different way life has become being behind the walls of hell?? I guess you adjusted to the new way of life? I'm not even sure how one does or how long it would take to expect that it's move in ready. And one has no choice other than that day all rules and nothing is in your control. Maybe you could explain how the day starts and ends? I can have a better understanding so computation will be on a better level. I'll know how to approach my wording towards you. I don't want to say stupid things or sound stupid. I just never been locked up . I get it and I seen TV. Movies/ news. Friends locked up 15 plus years and wrote them. I'm very sure I sounded really stupid writing letters to them at first. They just mostly appreciated a friend. I knew them growing up who landed themselves in prison. I don't judge I just see people for just that. People and people get themselves in places without thinking the outcome if. Or they get influenced. Or upbringing. Or there lack of judgment is off because of upbringing or drugs or something else. I do get everyone is human and everyone needs a friend without judgment. That be me I'm sure I could have gotten in trouble more than once. I just knew that it wouldn't be good to keep it going after 16 years old. Yes sure I got it out of me young. No record before the age of 16. I seen jail then and dropped charges. I either cared enough about me. Or I grew up ( no I never grew up) 51 now with cancer. But I'm free to fly one day and sooner than later . I don't like to bring up my cancer so much I find people don't wanna hear that I'll die because there is no cure for the cancer I got. It's spreading I just smile and make the best of my days as I possibly can. I push because I have no choice. Kinda like people in prison. Just make it for whatever it's worth. I feel awful every day. Weak like worn out. Mind over matter is a big way of life for me. I'll be in touch with you Michael. God bless ūüôĆ. Julianne Ashford from ocala FL 34473.

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