Robert A. Russell #V35292
MCSP C-13-137 Up
P.O. Box 409060
Ione, CA 95640

March 4, 2012

The First Step is Admitting...

This truism is especially relevant for me and is at times quite difficult to do. Personally, I like to think, "I'm OK, you're OK," but in actuality, I need a lot of work. How about you?

Speaking of work, I work as a teaching assistant in a Vocational Office Services and Related Technologies program. It is a work that had brought me happiness until very recently. One of my many duties is to work with students in the literacy component of the program. The literacy component is designed to assist students in raising their Total Adult Basic Education to at least the 9th grade level.

Students are tested bi-annually. The results measure my effectiveness in assisting students to achieve this state mandated goal. Did you notice how I spoke of my "success"? Last week one of the students I work with tossed two lessons I had just given to him in the trash, this right in front of me. Anger flashed through me and I became hostile towards him in a most unprofessional way. I remained in a state of agitation for days afterwards. Why? He was only hurting himself, right?

Perhaps the wisest person in my life, upon hearing that I began blogging, advised me, "to find in myself that which speaks only from Truth and write from that place." As I began to look for the truth in this matter, which caused so much unrest, I found that the first step to regaining peace was to admit that the problem was this student was adversely affecting my success, and that I was considering his success little, if at all.

I began to see that one reason I had experienced such happiness in my work was because it inflated my ego and convinced me that I was smart and because of that, I mattered. I was wrong on both counts.

Although I am blessed with a fair amount of intelligence, it seems that all too often fail to act smartly and what I do does not make me "matter". The truth is I matter, so I do what I do and should be doing it to elevate others rather than myself. That is the truth.

I no longer know happiness in my job. Now I am blessed to know joy in its place. So, for me, the first step towards gaining wisdom and peace in this situation was to admit that I was behaving like a selfish, unruly idiot. Ouch! :)

Peace, joy, love, and faith: may they be ours in ever increasing measure.

In the grip of Grace, I remain,
Russ

Thought for the day: "In order to shrink a problem, we must magnify the Solution." author unknown