Reply ID: guja

LESLIE, LESLIE, LESLIE!

mc.gnn:
Well hi to you too! I received your blog and was quite surprised that you responded to mine. I can understand where you're coming from and why you're quite upset with everything in general. I just hope that one day, just one day – you'll come to terms with the fact that I am not the only one who should accept responsibility for the way OUR kids turned out! But, if that is how you feel, I can accept that too. I'm just tired of running from the truth and if I am going to move forward in life, I have to let go of all the resentments I have held on to for so long!

Well first of all, I hope that when you receive this letter, it finds you in better spirits than when you blogged me. If it means anything to you Leslie Jo, I sincerely do apologize for all the heartaches, pain and bullshit I put you and our kids through. However, I can not believe that you would say something to the effect that I don't care about our own kids! And that I talk the talk but don't walk the walk. This is totally absurd! I have written to you, our son, and our daughter at the address on Lime Ave. and not once have you responded! I have written to Kern Valley State Prison where our son is, asking for their assistance on getting him up here, I've written to the Associate Director that I personally know in Sacramento to try and get assistance from him and to no avail. And, I even submitted the 'Correspondence Approval Form' so we can write one another. But if you could think logically, you would understand my situation and clearly comprehend that I have no control over when the form gets approved.

I am not going to throw rocks back at you or anything of that sort, because in the past that is all I would do is allow you to get in my head and I would react in a negative manner. Today I am a lot stronger than I've ever been and I can deal with issues in a more humble manner. I just want you to know that I respect your opinion and what you have to say and if you and I can not speak to each other like grown adults, then there is no use in either of us wasting our time in trying to, know what I mean?

Leslie, I have always thought about OUR kids! I have even thought about YOU. But, with respect to you and your significant other, I backed away – because of your actions. Your actions said everything! When you placed a block on your phone and when you stopped writing me, I knew that was the time I needed to step away from your life and I did just that. However, not once did I ever forget about you and our kids! Nor did I stop thinking about you guys. And as for Sophia, her situation is way beyond my control. What can I possibly do from inside a prison setting to help her? At one time, I did draft some legal paperwork to have her placed in a locked-in rehabilitation program or hospital – but I backed away from that because I didn't want anyone from the program to mistreat here – especially if I'm not there to protect my daughter. So please don't say that I don't care about our kids or that I don't 'walk the walk', 'cause I am a thousand percent on the right track!

Leslie Jo, I am genuinely involved in all my programs! I have started a couple of my own and about ready to start another one called E.T.H.I.C. (Encouraging Teens and Honoring Individual Change). This program will consist of dealing with troubled teens, primarily those in high school. I drafted up the program's mission and so far so good. I just got the Toastmasters International – Gavel Club approved and this past Thursday, April 12th, I was inducted as the first President of the Club. We had the former mayor of Ione, now councilman Dave Plank; Regional Director of Central/Northern California Toastmasters International Ms. Jo Ann Waldorf, our Warden and his administration at our induction ceremony and man was it awesome! Our club's name is 'Talk of the Town'! I'm doing my best to stay busy and I continue to do constructive and productive things within the community I must reisde in (prison).

By the way, before i forget – my mom tried to send me Junji's letters and they were sent back with a notice that we are not to circumvent the mail procedures – no third-party mail. Therefore, why don't you tell our son to send you the letters okay? Please let him know that I have not forgotten about him and that I have tried on many occasions to contact him, but it isn't easy on my end. Also, if you need my assistance in helping our son, why don't you take the time to write me and let me know? Leslie, I need your assistance in helping him too. You're on the outside; your voice carries more weight than mine! Have you forgotten that I'm only a prisoner and people in here couldn't care less what I say or how I feel? Les, this is not your first rodeo and I didn't teach you wrong. You are a lot smarter than what some people think so get up off those 'two tons of buns' and let me know what 'WE' need to do to help Junji, okay? Is he SNY? What I mean is, is he a Sureno Drop-Out? Is he on a SNY facility/yard? The yard he's on (D-Yard) is that considered SNY? Let me know okay?

Speaking about our kids, have you heard from Sophia? Have you seen her? How is she doing? Leslie Jo, I know that you've been working and that you have to take care of yourself as well, but have you taken the time to drive around the area where Sophia hangs out and tried to pull her away from that messed up area? I know that she's not doing too well and that she feels abandoned by both of her parents. This is what kills me, that she feels like this because no matter what, she still has her mother out there and my concern is quite simple – is she aware of this or could it be that she feels like this because she feels that you don't care about her?

By no means am I talking crap to you so let's get this straight, okay? I'm just speaking on my last conversation I had with her and when she broke down crying, telling me that her dad is dead and mom doesn't care about her, do you remember when she told me this? This same day is when she told me that she sold her body for drugs which brought me to tears! She had even told me that she was raped at gun point, did you know this? This is why I do what I do today, I help every youngster that I possibly can because this is my means of paying restitution for all my wrong-doing and because I don't want to see them make the same mistakes I've made in my life. Now, you don't think that I don't want to help my son? Shoot, if only God would answer my prayers and send him my way, I would do everything to help him straighten out his life and get on the right track. Therefore give me at least some credit for trying.

Well Leslie, I hope that this blog clarifies some of your distorted thoughts about us and that at some point you can as the mother of MY kids, get over what ever resentment(s) you may have, and that I can receive a decent blog and/or letters. Go visit my main blog site. Time is precious and we all deserve that quality time to express our feelings. Therefore, I await to hear yours...

Humbly yours,

Librado (Chuco) Clemena, Jr.
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