You sound so much like me because I also feel that rather than feed me tons of lies that turn out to be cruel jokes after years of believing in them, Id much rather just be told NOTHING rather than any sorta BS. I am also one of those people who are so into reality that it causes me problems (haha no joke though, it really does, because I take things seriously that others ignore or cannot see etc) but Id rather be stuck in reality rather than lost in a dreamworld because that dreamworld that some are so lost in everyday is not going to be any sort of safety net one day when reality does strike, for sure. Maybe that is when everyone will cut me a break on being "so serious" about everything. I find nothing wrong with that due to the issues I support and the projects I help happen and other unjust happenings around our country that I constantly research/find like crazy that some (most) have never even heard of in their lives. Nor would they ever look for them, they think I only search for the negative but Im honestly searching for the truth most of the time. I have no time to waste, just as you dont, on being in a dream world that wraps me in a blanket of lies and false promises with a lot of empty, broken hopes later on down the road somewhere. At least I dont ever have to be surprised or shocked in some cruel way. Ive had enough of that, thanks, pass me up. Ill just stay right here deep in reality. (smile) As for your hunger strike, I cant say I dont agree with those who want to talk you out of it, I would too if I was a caring friend or loved one. They have saw you come too close to death already and plus, it would leave the same result which is you left to die on DRow. I hate to see you rush that and make it happen any sooner then possibly miss out on positive changes that occur later on regarding the death penalty etc....I know I know Im supposedly so realistic (smile) but remember I did say that doesnt mean NEGATIVE (smile) and plus, realistic or not Im also kind, compassionate to others around me in this cold world, and want you to look at the bright side of things too, even though Im sure Id be reacting just like you are right now in response to this. Honestly. But Im not known for making the best of decisions I will admit. Just think about things. Be good! -CC

I know that your loved ones and those that care are not in your shoes, only you truly know even despite your blogs written, what you live with on a daily basis there and only you know what is worth fighting for after so many negative results. I truly hope you make the right decision. I would like to see you pass this up, and not damage your body with another hunger strike, because with each one you do your bones become weak and you yourself become weak and that cant be good for where you are at. stay strong in there, do not fall at your own hand because I believe that would be what they want the most to see there. sadly. I know that you have and are suffering enough as is, I just dont want to see you suffer additionally to that and if you do enough damage to your body with hunger strikes especially to your bones, you will be in alot of pain for the rest of your life with no adequate medical care which would be terrible. I can tell you firsthand how much bone damage due to malnutrition just ONCE has negatively affected me forever, along with things I used to be able to do to stay strong and now I cannot do anything but maybe grow more weak and just hope 50,000 units of weekly taken pills of vitamin D does its job. So just consider if this strike does not produce any results other than your illness and near death, and you go back to a place where you are already suffering immensely, do you really want to think that you added to that suffering plus came close to giving your loved ones their biggest fear in losing you forever?? Do not think lightly about letting the state drive you to do this to yourself. Its a possible slow suicide. And from what I know from reading your words here and at your other blog, you are a very caring realistic man who hates to see others harmed and puts those you care about before yourself also.... so even though as said earlier in my other reply, yes Id probably do the same in the position maybe once or twice at the same time, I also let you know that Im not known for always having made the best of decisions and am probably lucky to even be alive today as is! And Im not even thirty yrs old yet. I just wanted to throw out a few things to consider, I hope nothing sounded rude or harsh cos I truly never mean it that way. I just hate to see anything happen to someone like you- going by who I see when I read years worth of your posts on blogs. Peace! -CC

I am going to just hope that your last BTB blog about love posted on Sept 2nd means that you are thinking more positive about things. I wont know until I do some more reading and see if you followed through or plan on doing another HS. I hope not. I wouldnt. Not another. And I promise its coming from someone who lives with the damage done from such. It began against my will and by the time I could control my life it was almost learned behavior to the point where I had to learn how to even have favorite foods again. Think about it, that takes alot of enjoyment out of the average persons life (haha) because you are right, most people love to eat just as much as you do and losing it would be awful for them. Dont punish yourself when you are already handling the punishment from others that you face each day. That is just doing the job for them, hon. I think you passed on this strike thankfully due to your recent updates even though Im not all caught up and need to stop bouncing around reading here and there through your posts and just read each day from the last post date and work my way backward. (smile) Yes Im a mess. But oh well, thats me! :) I think I have typed enough long winded replies from myself to your blogs for one night, I hope they get to you. It says they will be printed and mailed before Monday September 10th and today is September 6th. Keep writing. Much Luv CC

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