Fighting Emptiness

When you have an emptiness, you'll tell many lies. Sometimes, it becomes too much for the soul, when you rest your thoughts with things of the past or which you cannot control, you fight to move forward with the things in life in which define you in this moment but, the past continues to knock as if the past in which seems to haunt you as though you're able to change a piece of your past. You ask yourself, if what you had is lost or isn't done. At times we become over stressed and feel as if nothing we try to achieve is ever possible. Fighting these feelings or what we call demons only becomes stronger and worse on your emotional state of mind. At times you become over frustrated at yourself at the thoughts and the sometimes overwhelming feelings that continues to emerge from deep within where you find yourself fighting that deep emptiness you try to fill with something that'll allow you to forget for just a moment the emptiness you continue to fight within yourself. So we fight and fight, finding ourselves, jumping around, some people into the arms or beds of strangers, hoping that someone or something will be the one to end the emotional war we silently fight, all the while not seeing we slowly turning our once innocence into darkness, all because we don't want to face the truth...?

Nov. 3, 12

Hello - well, I guess again I'm a lost with words and I'm grateful that you all who do read my stuff stands by me by reading my thoughts. I guess when someone like myself is going through all this mental pain and stress, it can make you forget who you are and become lost in the pain and stress these places put on you emotionally. I try to continue to remember who I am and to always try and smile a little and remember that I am still human. I can't really explain this place or how I feel, 'cause I guess I don't want to feel the hate, pain, stress, mental wars we go through. It's like... WOW! It's like being dead but you're alive 'cause , people come to visit some of the people locked up just as they visit people a grave, the only difference is you can't bring flowers... what kills me the most is, I miss being loved or needed or in love. I have no support or help when I need it, it's like I said, I'm alive but dead to the rest of the world. I don't remember how to talk to someone on the phone or on a visit if I ever had one. I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad for me but, understand my feelings and thoughts on everything I express. I'm a good man, a really good man, and it's really sad for someone like me to be like this but, some say God has a plan and everything happens for a reason... LISTEN: Sorry for asking for help, 'cause, no one wants to hear how someone in prison needs help. I guess I'm sick of being on hard times and thought maybe someone out there that's reading this wouldn't mind helping me out a little sometimes. So again, forgive me, okay!

Anyways, I'll write again soon, thanks for the time... Always, Thomas - aka - Shai