Thanks for writing Thomas!

I received your letter today. I'm not sure how, since it arrived with only local postage on it, but well done haha.

I transcribed this post for you today in an effort to try and understand what you're saying here, but I'm not sure it's helped. I did comment before on how you had a talent for putting a little distance between yourself and your subject matter, but maybe this one's gone too far because I'm not sure I fully understand what you're saying. I feel like I'm going around in circles. (But I'll keep reading & keep trying ;)

I'll write again soon.

Nicki

So I went away and played around with your words, separated them into short verses & paraphrased each one, because I really wanted to understand what you were saying here. This is what I've come up with... (you'll have to tell me if I'm close or not)

You view the world through suspicious eyes,
always questioning, and are careful about hiding the suspicion you hold of others
so,
you cover-up your natural behaviors by putting on a tough guy image, a front,
and dumb yourself down to protect your true identity.

Your perception is often different to the reality of situations and even more so with your perceptions of people because you see everything & everyone as a threat through paranoid eyes
or
you see them as weak in comparison to yourself.

"Fear within Fear"

The next stage of your paranoia is to see yourself as the enemy when you look in the mirror. But your image is empty and cannot possibly challenge you, because it is just a 2 dimensional reflection & nothing more.

It's fascinating how we try to be something we're not
we manipulate ourselves in a false image
and manipulate others to become that same image, because we're afraid of being who we truly are or allowing their authenticity to challenge our own.

If you allow someone to know the real you, you feel exposed, like you've given away the power to manipulate your weaknesses

but in reality they have no more power than the 2 dimensional reflection in the mirror. Giving away control of who you are is a false perception.

- How did I go..?

I'd like to know if this was this a little self reflection of the man you once were? or possibly who you still are, or could it be about someone else? Could it be a story of mental illness..? Of the paranoia of schizophrenia maybe. I guess you could also be describing the insight of many, many lost souls sitting in prisons and on the streets of the USA. Being an Australian I can also draw similarities to so many young Australian Aboriginal kids who seem to have lost their own identities and taken on 'American Gangster' culture in their mannerisms, the way they dress and speak. Perhaps it's a story replicated in young people's insecurities throughout the world.

I'm glad I took the time to try and understand your words. I am a very literal person so if you were being more abstract or poetic with your writing, I will have completely messed up your message. However you meant for it to be interpreted, I find your writing in this post is very deep and touching.

Thank you for sharing Thomas.

Nicki