Oct. 12, 2012


by Thomas Smith (author's profile)



How do I explain my inside deepest feelings which hurts so much, I ask myself, how am I able to be so strong and remain still to be a nice and peaceful man... everything has been taken from me but, my heart continues to beat of hope of happiness one day. Sometimes I fill my lungs tight with air and hold it in and hope by doing this some of the pain will leave my body and mind. I'm lost but I continue to keep hope alive and pray that just maybe someone somewhere would be my angel and help me. I'm in a bad place at the moment 'cause, as much as I try it seems like someone or something is making my life a living hell. Sounds crazy... I know! What's wrong with me? I'm good looking, I'm a nice guy, I respect women and people in a whole but, most of all I respect life. I close my eyes sometimes and I try and picture something beautiful but, I see nothing but darkness and sometimes it's a little frightening... I don't dream or at least I never remember having one. What's that mean? It's like why was I born! I'm a very strong minded person and I know my strengths and weakness. Not many people know much about themselves but act like they know everyone else. Anyways, one day I had this woman in my life and I fell hard for her, I never knew anyone could feel love on such a level. I thought she and I was gonna grow old together. I gave up my old life of running the streets and tried to do any and all things within my power to make her happy but I guess it wasn't the same in her heart for me as I felt in my heart for her. We had a child and things started to change for the worse and I thought it supposed to had made things better. I guess I didn't know her as much as I thought I did. See, what I realize is two things, one I understood love a little more better. What I mean is love like everything else in this world isn't perfect but, we view it like it is as much as how we treat love to be perfect and it's one of the big reasons why it hurts so much when we become lost by the one we love. See, we don't pick or choose who we love or fall in love with, it chooses us and once it happens it feels so good nothing else matters. We only see one side of love which in fact there's two sides to love and to reach that one love we all seek whether we want to or not, we must come to the realization that like daylight you also have night to put a balance in our lives and the world. Everything has good and bad to balance it out, we can't have one without the other. And number two, I forgot she was a person like me. See, I viewed her to be so good and perfect and wouldn't ever do me any wrong or bring me pain. I forgot that I was still on earth and everything felt like this perfect dream and I allowed myself to remain in such state so, therefore, it was my one and only and last dream I've ever had... Listen, I don't know how many people stop to read my words or enjoys reading it for that matter but, I'd like to ask something and please don't feel pity for me but, if you do decide to answer this request I'll be very grateful. I don't know if it's allowed for me to make such a request on my blog but, what I ask is a must, need, and I have to have it! Look, I'm in the middle of working on my case and I have a good chance to get out and not spend life in prison. As you all may know I'm doing a natural life in prison and I'm asking if only if it's possible to receive donations so I'm able to buy myself a typewriter which I so need so very badly. I've been trying for so many years to get someone to send me money so that I can get this typewriter, the cost isn't much but I guess to me it is 'cause, I don't have it... Anyways, the cost of this typewrite is 248.44. I'm not asking for legal help or anything crazy and trust me, I don't like to ask for nothing from anyone but, I have nowhere else to turn. I've been doing this time on my own now for 10 years, no one at all around to go to for even a little help. Look, if anyone wishes to make a donation to me to help me get this typewriter, my info is on the profile page and I'll put it with this one too. But, no hard feelings if no one wishes to help, just continue to read my blogs and I'll continue to do my part...

Thomas Smith #W88497
P.O. Box 8000
Shirley, MA 01464


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