Saturday, November 10, 2012 #36

Maintaining Focus in the midst of the Storm.

You know, I have read all the books on this topic, yet still fail to master the ability to maintain focus in the midst of the storms of life. I have made some progress in this area, but not enough to suit me. I find myself in the midst of, well, not a storm exactly, but in the middle of a whole lot of individual irritants that threaten to drive me crazy.

Life in prison is far different from life "out there". In here, everything tends to get magnified because there is so little stimulus of any kind. I live in a small world and I do not much care for it!

Last week, I wrote about the interview I had for the TA job. Well it would appear that I failed to get that job. Irritant. I have written to you about the guy sharing this cell, WOW! Major Irritant! I had a sex offender "kiddie kriminal" they are called, speak to me in baby talk and call me "Pumpkin". I am me and only me, I want to beat the heck out of this guy like you would not believe. Irritant. I HATE the fact I want to do harm to this dude. Irritant.

But I have a lot to get done. I just found out that Coastline Community College is now offering an English course that I really need, as you can tell! So I have no choice but to enrol, but I have completed all AA requirements so it won't be for credit. I also was just accepted into a program that needs my attention and have started a project that may take up to a year with constant attention being paid to it. I am at about 198lbs and that at 6ft is too much, so I really need to place some focus on lifestyle choices that will solve the long term problem of weight control when confined to a 6x10.

See, I have a lot to think about. Yet that KK is renting space in my head that I need to have vacant for important things. What do I do?

I am going to? I want to act in the way that prison demands, and I do not like to admit that, but there it is. So what I have done is told this KK to not ever speak to me or acknowledge me in any way for his own good. But that does not do much. I guess sometimes it is just coping with the irritants while trying to maintain enough of a focus on what matters to actually accomplish something worthwhile.

What I need most in this life is prayer. Please pray for me as I do for those who read this blog. Maybe with mutual support we can make it past the irritants. Num. 6:24-26