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"Thanksgiving" November 14, 2012

Hello there, I don't comment much on, "Politics," "Current Events,". I could I could say how "blessed" I am to live in a country that still has dessert after a meal. Where food warmth, clean water, health care are still provided to its incarcerated citizens. I would like to say something about the throw away idealogy that has so brutally decimated families in the U.S.A. I have made many many ugly mistakes in life, but one of the worst is engaging in behavior that led me away from the one sister who never even closed her door to me. I would maintain, I would never let go, of the job, the chance to start again in this life to look after or just be there if needed, by my nieces, nephews, remaining brothers, but most of all, to Rose, by Rose. The quilt is at times, unbearable, what makes or made my so irresponsible? Mostly, I think it was fear. Fear of not being like others, so when a person is young, no, I can't, i don't think people are alike, I think people are a distinct, one of a kind, sort of entity. You see this is how I get?? Sometimes I close my eyes so I can't say anything about what I can't see. A person who feels so comfortable with another person, so much so that they engage in mutual comfort. 2 grown adults. Especially a major or should I say a General?? I like P.B.S. I love TODD Rundgren and saw him live, 5 times. I thought D. Bowie is a great lyricist performing artist, musician. I love jazz music and sang "Song for my father in Philadelphia at a restaurant called "21" in North Philly. I saw the author/musician/poet Patti Smith in 1977 in Philly and I cried like a baby, It's hard when one sees everyone, everything, all at once. I read "Te Fleur dre mal" by Baudelaire. I was because of Patti. I'm so lost and now soon to be dead. A. Rimbaud and Roust, Morrison and Django-Ring them bells. B. Dylan, Name droppin, Life stoppin. It hurts so much I have to lease it behind and I miss my "Window." My sister Roseanna, i feel I knew her well, I believe I can say that all she ever wanted was adecent man, not an alcoholic or a former drug addict, neonarcissist. But we have to be a whole person, before we connect to another as a whole person. Remember this? 'When I live my dreams, you will be there with me riding on a silver horse! On the 25th floor, we do not eat, crown of creations, we do not eat eat anything at all. Love is a verb love is a manifestation. I'm waiting for contact to come loves warm loves cruel, loves cruel, looks pretty cruel tonight. Songs butcherd by Randy. People say I'm the walking lyrical dictionary. All in all I only wrote 1 good song in life. It's been raining here on the outskirts of S.F. its easierto sleep when its raining. My little room is all ready for Christman. I have one of those little green envelope size Christmas trees like this. When you open it, it's like this. I have green and red sparkly cellophone string like decoration on it and little homemade decorations, made from colored candy wrapper tin-foil. Yep, I have all the Christmas cards I have recieved over the last 13 years put up on the shelfs and window of my cell. It looks like this. Christmas card bells. Rose, blue medicine buddha, gold foil-kimono, Christmas cards shepherd boy, "Windhorse" Lungta,with fullfilling jewels. If we have another life an I see you there I know I'll be a better man. Because you deserved so much more. Good bye. I'm so sorry. Tibetan Prayer Flags. I have metastatic lung cancer. The window is another matter entirely. But at leat I can show my tree on my shelf. My door window looks like this. The candle is pottery in a little pottery cup. I know I missed the F-ing boat. Happy Thanksgiving Merry Christmas. Happy New Year. Randy Chaplin 2012/2012