WILL I DIE WITHOUT GOD?
BY Timothy J. Muise

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God, please allow my fingers to work for just two or three minutes. I'd like to pick these ants out of my diaper. Why would someone leave me unattended, in a soiled diaper, for hours at a stretch? Do I deserve this? Am I that bad? Please let me come to Church and ask for your forgiveness. Why won't they let me come to Church? Will I die without God?

Just a few bites. That is all it would take to satisfy my hunger. I can't get these trays open. I'm starving to death. There's Joe!, or am I hallucinating? God, it is good to see you, my friend! Where have you been? I thought you abandoned me. Why won't they let you visit me? I'm dying, Joe. They finally beat me. They locked me away in this cell and starved me to death. I am blessed to share this last supper with you. Will I die without God?

I'm crazy: that is what they tell me. They call it dementia. I call it hell. I would never have guessed that dementia means that you get maggots in your diaper. In my wildest nightmares I never thought I would have maggots in my diaper. Do no harm DO NO HARM! DO NO HARM!! Will I die without God?

The Demons were quiet for a while. Their voices were silenced by the pills. The cops now want to take the pills away. They want the voices to return. They want them to leave their heads and return to mine. I can't take it anymore. The texture of the sheet is coarse. It was made by hopeless convicts. It fits over my head well, even better around my neck. No more voices. Darkness. Will I die without God?

Have you ever prayed so hard that your sweat turned to blood? "Let this cup pass me by if it be your will". Are you your brother's keeper? Is his pain your pain? First they came for the Jews: then me. No one was left to fight for me. I'm not going into the oven voluntarily. They are going to need to shoot me. Frank, Lefty, Rocky, and Scott are martyrs. I will not be a martyr. Sometimes you just have to put the Bible down and take care of business. I will not live without God. I will FIGHT with Him!

BY Timothy J. Muise

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"Who shall stand guard to the guards themselves?"

Chazal