blogs/908

So many MORONS, so little patience

11/3/12

Gee Willigers, Moron-Man! It's time to share the latest and greatest events for your all's enjoyment.

And, as always; The names have been changed to protect the critically stupid...

This person I work with has to be the gloomiest drama queen in the universe. If there was ever a candidate for Zoloft or Ambien (etc) this guy would be the poster-child. His name for this article will be "GRUMPY". Other players in the drama are a no-social-skills-whatsoever-clown we'll call "DINGUS", a burnt-out-as-hell lifer we'll call "DOPEY" (he's a lifetime heroin user) and of course - me.

The scene: Prison kitchen; Dock-at-walk-in-reefer staging area.
Time: 5am

Dopey and I are having our usual good time getting the pre-load cards ready for delivery to the cell - feeds, hole guests, orientations, et al. We are bantering about using one's time in prison wisely and learning/growing as a person. We are discussing college courses, obscure reading scores (Nietsch, Ben, Bukowski, Camus etc), Math... You get the idea. We are in a good mood. It'd mid-week. In walks...

GRUMPY: Hey, dipshits what're ya doin?
DOPEY & I: (Rolling our eyes at the same time): We're doing our job.
GRUMPY: no you fuckin idiots - I mean what are you talking about ??!
DOPEY: Hey, Homey, we're talking about bettering ourselves while in prison. Ya know, the 3 R's and stuff like that?
GRUMPY: Oh Fuck that GED shit I'm already better.
ME: We're not talking GED. We're talking college & the arts.
GRUMPY: Yeah? Well I'm not some lazy-ass like you guys. I don't need that shit.
DOPEY: You don't have a diploma or GED?!?
GRUMPY: No, Fuck No! I can't be bothered with all that. I took the TABE test (note: a Gahliforniya tax-payer-rip-off scam the CDCR employs) an' I passed it OK, so I told the education bitch to fuck off, I wanna work a job.
DOPEY: So you don't take courses, or do VOC, or go to the library?
GRUMPY: Fuck no! Dude; I already said - I aint fuckin' lazy like you guys. I play basketball!
ME: You're telling me that your WHOLE rehabilitation plan is to play BASKETBALL?!?
GRUMPY: YEAH! I could hardly shoot or block when I got to prison (note: 19 years ago) and now I'm ruthless on the court! Everyone wants me on their team! I don't have time for all your stupid stuff!
DOPEY: So you don't know how to read or write?!?
GRUMPY: Yeah - I can. I gotta read the sports scores - I got serious money on my fantasy football! Flacco (??) is makin me lots of goodies this year.
ME: So don't you have a plan on parole? Work or school or something? Where will you work?
GRUMPY: Oh, fuck if I know! Ha Ha. I gotta plan tho! yeah! But you guys and all your stupid plays and algebra? C'mon - you gotta be joking right? WHEN do you use algebra or ANY history stuff in the real world?!? C'mon? You're fuckin lazy and stupid!
DOPEY: Oh, man! You have got to be kidding me right? WE'RE the stupid ones? You're 40 - you're what, 5'10"?! Do you expect the (Sacramento) Kings to draft you?!?

at this point, Dingus walks up ... -

DINGUS: What's up? What's grumpy bitching about now?
GRUMPY: I aint bitching, you fucking dumb-ass. These guys are saying they do all the class stuff an' my basketball games aint important.
DINGUS: Dude. you are so fucked up! Ha Ha Ha! Do you think you're really gonna make it out there? You fucking idiot. You're a MORON! (note: DINGUS said it! Not me!)
GRUMPY: Fuck You! I play basketball all day! What do you do? Sleep? Fuckin' watch TV? What? You're lazy too! I got game. I'll show you anytime.
DOPEY: Um, yeah - at least I got my GED, Voc-welding and I'm doing classes for parenting and therapy groups.
ME: Really?
DINGUS: Yeah! Education is TOTALLY important. I'm definitely going to Junior College once I get out. (note: same time as me)
GRUMPY: Ha! I wont do no classes" You couldn't force me! In a room with a bunch of lamer whining about a book or their sentence? Duh! Why would any one but a lazy dumb-ass go?
DOPEY: OK Homie; you need to just go. I can't take your stupidity so early in the day.
DINGUS: Yeah - why don't you get back to work? You just bring everyone down.
ME: You need to be on psych meds, Grumpy. Really you do.
GRUMPY: Fuck all you cats. I gotts go anyway, I need more coffee, Fuck! Fuckin losers! Ha Ha Ha. See you on the court.

-- SIGH -- This guy is for real! Parolling in 6 years ...
Happy thoughts!
Andy