Sexual Entropy
12.29.2012

I think about women, you know, and I try to see through their eyes. To see a woman I get this feeling: love, lust, worship, etc. when they probably feel back pain, a sore tooth, feel ugly, etc. But women look at men and worship them, no? Isn't it the same?

A woman dies on her couch of a heart attack as she ******* herself to a web video of a man with a huge ****. Men rape and buy tons of porno.

But men and women stop sex eventually. Stop lust. - And there is an age when it doesn't even cross one's mind... but I was ten, nine, eight? And people have sex at eighty.

If it wasn't for lust life wouldn't exist! Period!

(Coffee makes me kinda cold).

I'm looking at this L.A. city postcard I got. Cities. So pretty. So unlike, say, an ant pile or gopher hole. Yet so alike. Planes so like birds. Emotion in a zebra, cow or antelope so different than ours. Yet so similar. A beehive is just a skyscraper. A cow licking a calf just a human holding a newborn baby.

To be cold. To be hot. To be tired. To be happy, sad. To hurt. To laugh or moo. To sweat or come. To drink water and eat.

They say immortality will be possible this century. Hands down we know who will obtain it. The rich. Everyone wants to be rich. Not everyone can...

It's all been accomplished except immortality. Period.

It will be accomplished. Easy.

And it will be BECAUSE of capitalism/imperialism. Because of Amerikka. Because of all the suffering. (And joy).

Communism cannot bring down an immortal bourgeoisie.

We are supposed to embrace science as dialectical materialist Marxists. We are supposed to embrace reality.

And reality is... reality is humans, nature needs a leader. You can't make... God! You can't make the led lead!!! It's impossible. To overthrow. It's going to just... as a species something (a dangerous word!) but "something" will be reached where there's no going back. It's been reached many times in history (herstory) already. No way back.

Unless it all crumbles at once. And it will, won't it? When? It will, again and again, unless...

Even an immortal people can't stop an earth-bound asteroid; a scarceness of oxygen; a super, hyper airborne AIDS virus.

It'll come. The end. It will. Entropy. It's coming.

Billions of years or tomorrow?

I love to laugh. I worship women. My dreams are magic. Voice boxes rattle my ears. Pens scratch...

Moral Dilemma
12.30.2012

People dying of insanity; suicides. If you are too smart and understand too much. Or if you know too little and fail too much. You die inside once you learn about the hopeless plight of humanity. You never live unless you learn about our best and worst. You want to belong to our species, to society. You do everything to become a part of civilization, only to be made sick by it. Not made comfortable, happy. But made worse because there isn't nothing to struggle for. To struggle to attain.

What if the struggle is to now unattain? Drop it all! Bravado, respect, morals, love, hope, pain. To "disengage".

But most of all, forget popularity. Give up wanting to be liked. Wanting to fit in in any way. Actually seek to be unpopular on purpose. By design. Paint a target on yourself and allow the world to hate you. Disrespect popularity. Maybe it's the only way...

A natural part appears on my head once I shower and let my hair dry. My mom used to part it exactly the way it parts. That's sad. It's sad because it's been five years since this skull, with this hair part, has spoken to her. It, the estrangement, must kill her. She probably misses this part...

I notice I cheer up places everywhere I go. I laugh. Some people don't know how to laugh anymore. I mean that. They forget or hurt too much to. Or it's bravado. Or shyness. One can't...

This is my philosophy: "One can't care. One shouldn't be self-conscious. One should not seek reputation or status. One should degrade oneself socially to lift others up. To be the butt-end of a joke is God!!!"

The freeway (I-15) out my window is busy. Such a busy freeway. Each car is a life. Coming. Going. Listening. Talking. Chewing. Eliminating. Being. To be. In a straight line. Bunched together in vehicles all heated the same temperature. All with similar radio stations rattling ears that smell of similar perfumes and alcohol. Colognes. All with shoes that fit perfectly. Socks, pants, panties, boxer shorts, shirts, lives all fitted. Sized, heated, serenaded, smelled, sexed similarly. In a line. Stretching across the planet. Like ants.

Beep beep. Vroom vroom. Crash clank. Squeak squeak. Commercial breaks...

[drawing of a prone lizard]