Recent Comments

Sorry if my responses seem a bit "off" today but I have some tests run in January in LOU and well, you know the rest about how I should have went sooner but whats done is done, I was working my butt off and too busy to notice any problems which you also know about. I dont think of this often but cannot just pretend its not possible (again) and I just needed to type it/write it somehow even if Im half asleep (hopefully- its now 4 44 am) and it makes no sense, its just on my mind tonight ALOT due to some things, yet I probably wont think of it again for over 2 weeks cos I dont let myself. Gonna try to just sleep the next 3 hours here. Much Luv, CC

I really really liked this post, Marcus. I think besides what you already listed about reasons why people communicate a certain way, perhaps trying to get a point across to them is impossible because they are only out to hear what they want to hear from you. It all depends on the circumstances and doesnt always become a debate or a set goal of making a point....sometimes it may be just plain pushing to get/hear what they want or to just get you to give in and agree......Please go back and evaluate this post that you wrote, and take yourself back to when you dealt with this even though its on a totally different level than what Im talking about that goes on when people want to be part of my little world. Yet finding this post may be able to help you understand my issue a little more, I hope. Sorry for the replies here but Im trying to go to bed unsuccessfully and its 4:36 am no luck so here I sit, hoping you will go by what you have already learned of me and understand what its like for me to try to communicate the best I can without sounding like a pitiful POS or coming across as mean, when I seriously cannot change something about myself and if i tried- that my life on the line period. You already know what Im talking about that Ive faced, Im not gonna type it for all. Just PLEASE put yourself in MY position, and re-read this post that you wrote when you found it hard to communicate with those who only cared about their say. Much Luv, CC

The big picture is always missed, so I would say if I could name one Never Again it would be to never again feel blamed for being less than or pushed as if this is a personal choice Ive made out of some stand I have taken LOL I wish it was that simple this almost killed me before 28 yrs old (even though I am more than in every other aspect besides one that is truly mostly overlooked and yet the one LESS than Im stuck with for surviving (what a world to survive for here) is pounded into my head as if I can change it, which isnt right) due to this sex filled world (evidently its like currency and people cant live without it in some form I dont know but I dont humiliate them) I dont know when Ill be back to normal, but I am not a liar and dont just say whatever to people without meaning it, so Ill be whatever I was before this BS attacked me years ago whenever it happens. Until then, I can only wish for Never Agains because I will not fight to survive only to be demeaned because of how the world today portrays females SLIGHTLY and majority men fall for that and say HEY ILL JUST BE LIKE THIS IT WILL WORK. Just venting. I write too much anyway, shoulda done this in a letter but its weighing on me heavily due to some upcoming stuff in late January (wonder how many people will expect me to just act like its nothing- karma get em for me!) so I was afraid I would write TOO much. Thanks for hearing me out. 12/15 4 am

I have a few Never Agains but even if there were 100 of them, 99 of them would be against my wishes or beyond my control. You can learn something from your situation, as I read. I hope you never have to face Never Agains that you had no place in causing for yourself because that is the one thing I cannot seem to get anyone to truly understand unless they have been there themselves. If I named my several Never Agains, they wouldnt be like yours sadly because you can make yours truly never happen again. I dont have that option and it isnt the best feeling at times either. So even if I did write you with my Never Agains, I know its a world alot like yours may seem to be where you automatically assume 96 percent of the time people arent going to truly get it (nor do I expect them to, although some respect over surviving would be nice plus some questions about WHY I am this way or that cos trust me, it wasnt my choice and sometimes I can feel hurt/disrespected when anyone that knows me disregards my past circumstances and what they have done to me by just thinking I came thru unaffected) and you assume that because unless they have been there, how can they truly understand a world they know nothing of? Id normally say this in a letter but saw this older blog and felt the need to reply since my own Never Agains (although they are only wishful thinking really) weigh on my mind constantly for the past 3 yrs and even before then were things to constantly monitor, etc. I just wish that people who havent suffered any illness and barely came out of it without tons of changes and surgeries and medicines, etc, would consider how much that takes away from an average human being.....not just wait until they experience it and want my pity cos I have "been there myself" before. You know how it is, its just on my mind. People can simply say things that make me feel less of a human over life saving surgeries etc that I HAD to HAVE or else. And I am still young. So it makes it even harder to truly believe that men women whoever are totally clueless about what fighting a possible terminal illness when already at high risk for HORMONE FED CANCER as is (key word: hormones yet nobody gets that Im not gonna bounce back and just be the same after such going on before I was even 27 yrs old), etc does to a person after they are already lucky to be alive yet feel downed each time someone mentions their situation and downplays it and mentions hormones and sex and pushed it so much you almost wish you had NOT taken care of it at all and let it eat you alive, if you arent even thirty and just coming back to life yet this is what youre gonna hear or be expected to be for the rest of your life that you had to fight for?

(smile) From all that I have heard about how you couldnt have a better cellie which is definitely true (plus anyone that can be straight with you about what being out is like recently, what to expect, his advice to you which will be priceless at this time, him being someone that will discuss/talk honestly about many aspects of being in vs being out, and about different things in life so that you CAN learn something from them -that alone is rare anyway among people and hard to find as is, regardless of environment) I think Will is an amazing person in so many different ways. I hope you learn alot from him and take his advice as Im sure he knows what to tell you to expect, your best move once you are free, what to waste time on and what not, etc. Im glad knowing that IN THERE you have someone cool and not rude that you can discuss future ideas with and even have your "debates" that you mentioned HAHA. Please listen to anything will can tell you about how much things have changed in 10-12 years out here. Truly do so. He knows. So tell will I said HELLO (smile) and that I send my thanks for tolerating the Burger King Mega Dumb Art (LOL) Even though he has to be confused by purposely messed up page full of bright colored McDonalds logos and random fairies and THE ACTUAL Burger King with his dress and ashtray incident portrayed (hahaha)among other misc add ins on bee mode artwork that you end up hanging up so he cant miss them. LOL a 2nd one is on its way now, be ready, less color/art but more "words" HA HA!

Together your comments are a rather entertaining social example of groupthink. There's always something more to learn here. <3

I may be stooping to your level with this comment but I'm amused by how you bring a mental picture of Statler and Waldorf (from the Muppet Show) to mind :)

Bravo, kimberlita. Well said. I do try to temper my comments to fit the situation, but it appears here I have riled some feathers. The difference between myself and my haters is that I typically don't comment on situations I have no knowledge of (either by research or by personal experience). Nicki, by her admission, appears to know little of this inmate. Again, thank you for your verbal support. Expressing oneself in a civil manner is sometimes a very difficult job but I'll keep trying.

Nicki, then you say "Interestingly, it is not Mr Clarke's demeanor and behaviors I am as concerned about changing, as your own."

What? Go save the lost. Our demeanor and behavior fits directly inline with what society deems as functioning citizens able to determine between right and wrong, moral an immoral. SAH isn't writing this post from a 6x9 animal cage. She still has empathy to help those criminals per her post. Who are YOU to be concerned abut changing people out here? I somehow think you are a catfish writing this blog from a women's prison yourself.... false.

You diss SAH, for bitterness - It would be hard for you to project your level of bitterness as well as what dead child would want to do do - feel.
Personal growth for Clarke and ALL would be... GED, accepting the restricted environment he put himself in, using a part of his income to promote the lives of others in need - after all he is not working for it.... send 100 a month and mentor a youth. Not seek a women to love and kiss him. That is self centered ambitions. Much that physocapths do.

Nicki, I just have to comment here on a few things, my personal opinion as well as first hand knowledge, that you clearly don't have. As far as you being "a psychology and criminology student" (ha - excuse to cover the truth you can't admit out of shame, see people out here won't accept you if you simply say, I am writing this man, taken an interest) you said "It concerns me that if bloggers only receive negative comments, they will stop contributing here and I, and others, would lose their valuable contributions". Contribution to what? ALL they know is what is on TV. PERIOD.

Enlightenment? On WHAT? Commended for what?

What is their valuable contribution, Clarke for example? He contributes exactly what to the expansion of your mind, and learning? Do you know that most all he says about the abuse there is false?? Heighten security? Is because he attempted to escape - his "wife" is in prison now, the endless things he has done to violate the rules there..... as well as this blog. Did you know they are not allowed to solicit money and pen pals, yet he slyly continues to use this blog venue as a direct measure to meet his personal needs. Valuable contribution? Grade school thoughts, art, waste of tax payer money, lies. Do you think these men made a vaulable contribution to society or can? ha.


These people are lost, have been and will remain so, there is a reason society has cast them away, for the safety of the contributing citizens.

Their only hope is God and.... instead they seek pen pals, money,. scamming women. You say he may never had any kindness, how little you know about this particular inmate, or how life really revolves for caged animals. You made a miserable comment here for his mother to read. Shame on you.