Thanks for writing! I finished the transcription for your post.
I enjoyed reading your post! You seem like a really unique person who is very wise, intelligent, strong, and determined to get to the other side of the bars. I'm so sorry for how they treat you there, and I can't even begin to imagine what constant isolation and subjugation would be like. Your persistence in life is very inspiring.
Even though I can't relate to your exact situation, I can definitely relate to the depression part. For years I dedicated my entire life to school, so much so that I became severely depressed and crumbled under the pressure to perform and be perfect. On paper I got straight As and did all these academic clubs, but in reality I was miserable and could no longer put myself through the obsessive studying that got me those grades. I was in a really dark place for a while and almost committed suicide a few times, but through therapy and taking off school for a few months, I'm starting to feel better. Anyway, I know the dark places your depression can take you so if you need coping skills or just someone to talk to, I'm here for you.
I would also be happy to talk to you about what you studied in college (philosophy and cognitive psychology I believe?). I would love to learn more about both of those subjects so we could talk about it and I could update you with any recent discoveries or send you cool articles I find online. If you'd like to I'd be happy to do that.
Also after going through months of pretty intense therapy, I know plenty of ways to deal with anger and anxiety in safe and effective ways that you might find useful. Here are some things that you can do to get out of your head and distract yourself from your thoughts.
1. Sometimes I pick a category (ex: animals, food, people, countries, etc.) and try to name something in that category that goes with each letter of the alphabet. For example if I choose animals I can go "A - anteater, B - buffalo, C - caterpillar, etc.".
2. I also do this thing that focuses on the five senses. I name five things I can see, four I can feel, three I can hear, two I can smell, and one I can taste. The last two can be kind of hard to think of sometimes but I still think it's really useful when I need a distraction.
3. When I'm angry and have a lot of pent up energy that I need to physically get out, I resist the urge to punch or break something and instead run up and down stairs, do push ups, or some other physical activity to tire myself out. Sometimes I need to do this first before doing step 1 or 2 so I can calm down faster.
Anyway sorry to write so much, and I'm very glad I read your entry. You are incredibly articulate and write beautifully, and I think you'd be an amazing poet. Take life one day at a time and have faith that one day you'll get out of there. Until then try to find purpose and meaning in your life, because I promise you it's worth living.
Thank you for writing about current happenings at Stanley and sharing your insight on topics like the economic inequality in prison. I'm printing out some of your blogs to give to my Assemblyman when I meet with him on Monday to share my observations and John's recommendations about potential prison reform. He's talking the talk--we'll see if he walks the walk on making a difference.
John said he met you at the recent mindfulness class that he attended. Because there are no programs for him, he's choosing to attend classes and groups that might keep him positive and offer personal growth.
Thanks for writing! I finished the transcription for your post.
I really enjoyed reading your letter! I'm so glad you have an opportunity to go to a place with fewer restrictions, that'll be a great milestone to hit. I also admire you for your strong faith and spirit, you inspire me to keep my head up and stay positive through my own struggles.
Stay safe and stay strong. Sam
P.S. Keep us posted about the knitting too, I'd really like to see what you make with the new yarn!
Thanks for writing! I finished the transcription for your post.
It was really eye-opening to read a first person perspective about how prisons are run. The image that society often portrays to us is that inmates are horrible people that have committed heinous crimes, and the people running the prison are doing some public service by keeping these people off the streets. Of course this isn't at all true, especially based on what you wrote about. Plenty of people in prison are wonderful and friendly but they've made mistakes in the past, have good justification for what they did, or have been wrongfully convicted. Plus, if anyone is "horrible" it's the people in charge of prisons and the justice system. Before reading your post I had the impression that prisons weren't run very well and didn't keep the inmates safe. After reading your perspective, though, this absolutely affirms my belief that prisons are run by immoral people who treat fellow human beings like dogs and seek to make them suffer unjustly. This type of person is the last one who should be working in the justice system! I'm so sorry that such selfish and cruel people are trying to manipulate you and other inmates for their own benefit. The number one thing that upsets me is when people have no compassion and don't care about others, and I really hate seeing people, like you, suffer because of that. I promise to spread the word about this cause and this blog so we can learn more about people in prison and fight for better prison conditions on your behalf.
For those of you who have been following the journey of the Sound Mind Streamer, I'm so moved right now. I'm so grateful to give the following status report.
Our donors have come from all walks of life: national and international participation from amazing people that have used all manner of social media to contribute to this program.
A few notable donors are Tio McDonnald from The East Oakland Time who donated discs loaded with Type Beats. Sister Kathy in Fremont, California who donated discs with over 900+ songs of spiritual inspirational music. DJ Jules created a playlist of LGBTQI+ urban persepective content all the way from the Netherlands. Yes, over 50 playlist hours of videos.
Acting with compassion and truth group, wow. Thanks for believing in us.
Our donors communicate with each other by way of phone calls, emails, and one even created a YouTube channel to use as a workstation for expanding ideas.
The donated contributions from the public are now being screened by SQSP Media Center Administrators, and inner campus programming just may begin before a kind soul transcribes this work.
Our major contributor is Between the Bars.org, who allowed us the opportunity to blog this amazing story, as incarcerated people and people all over the world handwrite life and share this post with the world. And then magic happens, and that magic is better known as humanity. Thank you, Michigan, and San Rafel, California family for keeping the lines of communications of our donors connected.
Humanity hasn't always been translated in urban culture for those of us who identiful as LGBTQI+. And when we find cracks to the doors of crowded closets, we can go inside and share care, love, and gifts like the Sound Mind Streamer.
Okay, so yes. For me, this was impossible, physically dangerous, emotionally draining, and at the same time, extremely amazing. I'm so honored to have experienced love, care, and help to deliver morale building, spirit lifting, educational, venting, ideas to the most under served population here on campus, where now over 4,373 people have access to content that challenges the spirit of fear with the power of power, love, and a sound mind.
Hi Ray, it's Steve Bausemer sorry to hear of your current situation. I'm 63 now and I work for the MBTA.Get back to me if you want to communicate , hope to hear from you.
RSS
I enjoyed reading your post! You seem like a really unique person who is very wise, intelligent, strong, and determined to get to the other side of the bars. I'm so sorry for how they treat you there, and I can't even begin to imagine what constant isolation and subjugation would be like. Your persistence in life is very inspiring.
Even though I can't relate to your exact situation, I can definitely relate to the depression part. For years I dedicated my entire life to school, so much so that I became severely depressed and crumbled under the pressure to perform and be perfect. On paper I got straight As and did all these academic clubs, but in reality I was miserable and could no longer put myself through the obsessive studying that got me those grades. I was in a really dark place for a while and almost committed suicide a few times, but through therapy and taking off school for a few months, I'm starting to feel better. Anyway, I know the dark places your depression can take you so if you need coping skills or just someone to talk to, I'm here for you.
I would also be happy to talk to you about what you studied in college (philosophy and cognitive psychology I believe?). I would love to learn more about both of those subjects so we could talk about it and I could update you with any recent discoveries or send you cool articles I find online. If you'd like to I'd be happy to do that.
Also after going through months of pretty intense therapy, I know plenty of ways to deal with anger and anxiety in safe and effective ways that you might find useful. Here are some things that you can do to get out of your head and distract yourself from your thoughts.
1. Sometimes I pick a category (ex: animals, food, people, countries, etc.) and try to name something in that category that goes with each letter of the alphabet. For example if I choose animals I can go "A - anteater, B - buffalo, C - caterpillar, etc.".
2. I also do this thing that focuses on the five senses. I name five things I can see, four I can feel, three I can hear, two I can smell, and one I can taste. The last two can be kind of hard to think of sometimes but I still think it's really useful when I need a distraction.
3. When I'm angry and have a lot of pent up energy that I need to physically get out, I resist the urge to punch or break something and instead run up and down stairs, do push ups, or some other physical activity to tire myself out. Sometimes I need to do this first before doing step 1 or 2 so I can calm down faster.
Anyway sorry to write so much, and I'm very glad I read your entry. You are incredibly articulate and write beautifully, and I think you'd be an amazing poet. Take life one day at a time and have faith that one day you'll get out of there. Until then try to find purpose and meaning in your life, because I promise you it's worth living.
Stay safe and stay strong.
Sam
Thank you for writing about current happenings at Stanley and sharing your insight on topics like the economic inequality in prison. I'm printing out some of your blogs to give to my Assemblyman when I meet with him on Monday to share my observations and John's recommendations about potential prison reform. He's talking the talk--we'll see if he walks the walk on making a difference.
John said he met you at the recent mindfulness class that he attended. Because there are no programs for him, he's choosing to attend classes and groups that might keep him positive and offer personal growth.
Stay strong.
Evy Nerbonne
I really enjoyed reading your letter! I'm so glad you have an opportunity to go to a place with fewer restrictions, that'll be a great milestone to hit. I also admire you for your strong faith and spirit, you inspire me to keep my head up and stay positive through my own struggles.
Stay safe and stay strong.
Sam
P.S. Keep us posted about the knitting too, I'd really like to see what you make with the new yarn!
It was really eye-opening to read a first person perspective about how prisons are run. The image that society often portrays to us is that inmates are horrible people that have committed heinous crimes, and the people running the prison are doing some public service by keeping these people off the streets. Of course this isn't at all true, especially based on what you wrote about. Plenty of people in prison are wonderful and friendly but they've made mistakes in the past, have good justification for what they did, or have been wrongfully convicted.
Plus, if anyone is "horrible" it's the people in charge of prisons and the justice system. Before reading your post I had the impression that prisons weren't run very well and didn't keep the inmates safe. After reading your perspective, though, this absolutely affirms my belief that prisons are run by immoral people who treat fellow human beings like dogs and seek to make them suffer unjustly. This type of person is the last one who should be working in the justice system! I'm so sorry that such selfish and cruel people are trying to manipulate you and other inmates for their own benefit. The number one thing that upsets me is when people have no compassion and don't care about others, and I really hate seeing people, like you, suffer because of that.
I promise to spread the word about this cause and this blog so we can learn more about people in prison and fight for better prison conditions on your behalf.
Stay safe and stay strong.
Sam
The Sound Mind Streamer
For those of you who have been following the journey of the Sound Mind Streamer, I'm so moved right now. I'm so grateful to give the following status report.
Our donors have come from all walks of life: national and international participation from amazing people that have used all manner of social media to contribute to this program.
A few notable donors are Tio McDonnald from The East Oakland Time who donated discs loaded with Type Beats. Sister Kathy in Fremont, California who donated discs with over 900+ songs of spiritual inspirational music. DJ Jules created a playlist of LGBTQI+ urban persepective content all the way from the Netherlands. Yes, over 50 playlist hours of videos.
Acting with compassion and truth group, wow. Thanks for believing in us.
Our donors communicate with each other by way of phone calls, emails, and one even created a YouTube channel to use as a workstation for expanding ideas.
The donated contributions from the public are now being screened by SQSP Media Center Administrators, and inner campus programming just may begin before a kind soul transcribes this work.
Our major contributor is Between the Bars.org, who allowed us the opportunity to blog this amazing story, as incarcerated people and people all over the world handwrite life and share this post with the world. And then magic happens, and that magic is better known as humanity. Thank you, Michigan, and San Rafel, California family for keeping the lines of communications of our donors connected.
Humanity hasn't always been translated in urban culture for those of us who identiful as LGBTQI+. And when we find cracks to the doors of crowded closets, we can go inside and share care, love, and gifts like the Sound Mind Streamer.
Okay, so yes. For me, this was impossible, physically dangerous, emotionally draining, and at the same time, extremely amazing. I'm so honored to have experienced love, care, and help to deliver morale building, spirit lifting, educational, venting, ideas to the most under served population here on campus, where now over 4,373 people have access to content that challenges the spirit of fear with the power of power, love, and a sound mind.