July 7, 2011
by Rhonda Lindial (author's profile)


Rhonda Lindial
1401 State School
Gatesville, TX 76599

July 1, 2011

To prove that even though there is no self-defense law in the state of Texas, that I acted in a state of self-preservation, that there was a direct threat to my well-being, and that my actions were reflective and not planned—there is no easy distinction between a right death and a wrong one. Death was death. Only the circumstances and intent make it different. I realize that I'm not qualified to judge. Not then and not now.

But no one else was there—no one else there to help me, make him stop strangling me. I had to fight back or die. I grabbed the closest thing, I hit him seven inches above his right nipple. I could have aimed for his throat, heart, kidney, but I didn't. I just wanted him to let go due to the fact that he had 1.1 saturation of ethanol and 120 mm of amphetmine in his system. Stated on the autopsy report that he bled to death in ten minutes. I was connected to 911 from my cellphone while all of this was happening. I ran screaming into the street on Christmas Day 2008 for someone to call 911. I did not have on a shirt. I went to the neighbor's door for her to call 911.

I have been incarcerated since Dec. 25th, 2008. I run my hand over my heart, feeling my scars and the scar left by others.

Who am I? Am I a result of what I decide or what's been done to me? There's this little voice inside my head that screams no, you will not take the best of me. If I lost what makes me who and what I am, the things that define me and keep me whole, what would be left? Just a mass of bodily processes and emptiness. Yes, I can place my hands upon my scars, feel and see what is there and what scars have been left there by others. It does not define who I am. I decide, no one else. But the fact of the matter is that there is simply a part of me that refuses. The survivor in me, the piece of me that is my core that refuses to be a victim of life.

I am not half the woman you may think I should be because of what has been done to me. I am twice what anyone else is because I survived.

Memento homo, quia pulvis es, et in dulverem reverteris... Remember that you are dust and to dust you shall return...


Replies (3) Replies feed

revkev Posted 4 years, 8 months ago. ✓ Mailed 4 years, 7 months ago   Favorite
Rhonda, there is a reason I call it the (in)justice system. without doubt it seems difficult to see the justice in my of what is construed as justice in society. The (in)justice system at every level, every step in the process seems often times to be unjust. Sadly the majority of the population hasn't a clue to how it 'really works,' or the reason behind it and how it does work. Texas penal code is in many ways some of the most 'backwards' to be found. Such 'backward ways' are predominant throughout the states though. The 'goal' of the (in)justice system being profit rather than justice. Crimes committed against the accused and sentenced being the true crimes and injustice. The 'tough on crime' movement in this country merely a knee jerk reaction with no true results or justice. The growth in the incarceration rate in the U.S., the percentage of incarcerated persons in comparison to other countries, incarceration of addicts, mental illness, and victims just a portion of the unjust dealings of the (in)justice system. Such statistics and facts though are seemingly inconsequential, though more than inconsequential, 'swept under the rug,' rather than focusing on and addressing the true issues. As is the way of society though, it is the symptoms which are addressed rather than the root cause of the symptoms. The truth does not get votes or make profit though. With the 'tough on crime' stance, the removal of judges ability to subjectively judge, but instead to objectively judge situations is one of the travesties of the (in)justice system.

In situations such as yours, my ire rises all the more, knowing that justice was not served but that crime was permitted to continue under the mask of justice. Society no doubt needs to be educated and made aware of the truth of the (in)justice system. Sadly, most often it is 'just fine' to most people, until they are faced with dealing with the reality of it themselves.

It is my hope that your story and others like it will come to be known by the general public, realized for what they truly are. To realize the implications, meaning and affect of such (in)justices. Without doubt you have been served a great injustice and others in similar situations. The 'world' needs to see and realize such...

Respect ~ Kevin

Rhonda Lindial Posted 4 years, 7 months ago.   Favorite
(scanned reply – view as blog post)

can5960 Posted 2 years, 11 months ago. ✓ Mailed 2 years, 10 months ago   Favorite
Rhonda- I have much to address here however , it's been quite some time that you have posted therefore I wonder if you have grown silent and left your fightbehind the bars while you roam freely!?
I have questions and I have a desire to further understand what you want to achieve with your experience.
I would like confirmation from you that you still actively come to this place , if not here, where and if nowhere ,why not? I will then ask questions and perhaps share my thoughts with you and my experience of an abusive relationship!

We will print and mail your reply by . Guidelines

Other posts by this author


Get notifications when new letters or replies are posted!

Posts by Rhonda Lindial: RSS email me
Comments on “Untitled”: RSS email me
Featured posts: RSS email me
All Between the Bars posts: RSS