CONFESSION

This is the first time I am admitting this. I do not have any reason to
share this, other than I have to get it out of ME! It has been weighing
on me for the past 4 years now. I guess I will start by expressing
this to you first.

In 1998 while corresponding with a couple women from different African
countries. I was looking to learn more about the people, from the
people. During this time I fell in love with one of the females I was
talking to. In 2000 she came to America and we were married.

In describing our marriage. I will just say that, you will be hard
pressed to find anyone who could love each other with the intensity as we
did. We were each others perfect opposite. We could both be in a crowd
full of people, separated and any one who entered would immediately
know that we were together.

I was not released from prison when I was supposed to be. I fought for
my freedom. At the same time I had to fight for us to be able to make
a child. She had a medical condition that was threatening her child
bearing capabilities. She was told to have a child before pro-
ceedure she would need. In case she no longer able to have a child.

Things just were not going good. She could not see now she was going
to stay with me and have a child also? It became clear to me that she
really wanted a child but she also loved me and did not want to leave
me. So, it took me 3 years to do the hardest thing I ever had too do in
my life.

I became the man she could no longer love. I became verbally and
emotionally abusive. I became selfish and made everything about me. As
I pushed her farther and farther away from me. She continued to try
and hold on to me. I knew that if we did not completely separate, this
would not work and she would blame me for her never bearing a child. I
would blame myself also. The hard part is. I knew she would not just
leave me for being an asshole. I had to truly become the epitome of
the man she could not stand.

It's been 4 years now since we been divorced. She has no idea as to my
dealings. I have not heard from her in about 2 years now. I do not
even know if she ever had a child? I just know that I pray that I find
someone to love me as she did and that I can love them in the same
manner. I pray that she is happy and is living her dream of being a
mother. I still question my actions at times? Did I do the right thing
or not? All I know is, if we still were together she surely would not
have had a child. This way she at least has a chance.

I hate that I had to make her hate. I tell you I did a remarkable job
at that. She wants absolutely nothing to do with me. It's hard knowing
that I will never be able to spend time with someone I love so much.
All I know is, is she had a child, my sacrifice was worth it. THAT'S
ALL I GOT TO SAY ABOUT THAT!

*7)