06.01.2013

*Stop That*

We are just laughs
Between funny comments
We are just screams
When humor's forgotten

Today I decided to never again
To celibate my life for second time
Last period saw me upstanding citizen
Some demonic muscle inside needs silencing

Hypochondriacal suicidal maniac
Me klutching Kleenex with sore back
Enough absurdity for one lifetime
All drained out insecure insanity

So many hours spent forlorn, upset
On my back squeezing out pent up sex
Then spending day dying inside, drained
Guilty spilt out me to caricatures same

Is it sickness when ten year old me
Does things in pictures seen on T.V.
How does prepubescent muscle unpubesced
Function once prematurely self-possessed

Something inside was broken before built
And each time I pick it up it kills again
No way to explain nymphomaniacal sickness
Sitting here on twenty year tear defeated

Spent eight hours yesterday in prison hospital
Next to ninety year old on breathing tube
Cataract surgery complications behind me in wheelchair
Traumatic brain injury packed off on stretcher

The emergency room curtains stained with old blood spray
All the drawers labeled cautery, needles, biohazard
My blood tested centrifugally as piss dipsticked
Scrubbed personages telling me my sickness isn't sick

Something is wrong. I've been wrong. Will be wrong
Just scatterbrainedly saw a ghost walking by
And I can't speak correct, think correct, death
Has come to me alone. Pretty paws smelling of clove

The scythe sweeps blood across the ceiling
Wind picks up my pain, blows away all feeling
And it's her eyes I see on shuffle repeat
Just eyes. No smile. Is she crying or weeping

And this is how it all ends on a question mark
Each soul wondering what's left to be done
Who is happy because of us and who sad
Laughs, screams, forgotten comments. Never again